I added the last part sarcastically, unsure as to why this class needed to exist in the first place, much less needed more than one part to it.
My sister turned her head, locking eyes on me over her shoulder. Slowly, she dropped her pen and twisted in her seat, a cautious but faint smile on her lips at seeing me. The ‘I love him, but should I be worried he’s here?’ variety.
“Your course list is like a plate filled with every single food I refused to eat as a kid,” I told her.
“I like my course list.”
And then she broke into a full smile, and my heart skipped a beat. It was the same smile she gave me when we would do all the childish shit my friends were too cool to do with me in high school.
Sneaking into movies without paying.
Playing tag in the rain in the maze.
Midnight drives way over the speed limit on a school night, because we just needed to get out of the house.
She smiled less the older we got, but just now, it came so easily. I could tell already. She was different.
I descended the steps slowly, one at a time, the auditorium having emptied a few minutes earlier after her class was over. She always stayed, though, and graded the pop quizzes after every lesson for the professor.
Quite the little student now.
“It’s a lot of politics, history, and sociology,” I remarked on her course list. “Why those classes?”
She shrugged and dropped her eyes, looking thoughtful as she glanced back at the papers at her seat. She’d done most of my homework in high school, and it was always well above passing, so I knew she was smart and a quick learner. It gave me pause to hear she was in college, though. It never occurred to me she enjoyed it.
“The world was small growing up,” she finally answered, looking up at me again. “Now, everything I learn makes it bigger. I want to know everything. Every person who walked before me. Every war fought. Every culture that breathes the same air. I can’t explain it, I just…”
“You just did.” I stopped a few steps up, aggravated even though I didn’t want to be. I knew she meant me. Even though she didn’t come to live at my house until she was twelve, I was part of the reason her world was so small growing up. I wanted her to be happy, but I hadn’t outgrown that possessiveness. I still had a hard time being happy that she was happy, when the reason she was happy wasn’t because of me.
And this—I looked around the room—it was one more thing taking her away from me. The bigger her world became, the farther away from me she got, and out of any emotion that I avoided, I hated loss the most.
“I’m glad you’re in school,” I told her. “I never imagined you like this. But it suits you.”
She was beautiful.
And bright. Her dark brown hair hung down her back in loose curls, her jeans and short-sleeved black blouse fit a lot better than my clothes ever did, she wore lipstick and mascara, and the light caught the small ruby encrusted with diamonds on her left hand. Kai must’ve gotten her a proper ring after their quick nuptials.
Fucking Kai. He’d clearly treated her how she deserved.
But was she his now? Truly?
I sighed, looking around. “I hated college.”
“You hated being away from your family,” she corrected. “And I don’t mean Gabriel and me.”
I clenched my jaw. Yeah.
The year and two months I spent at college sucked, and even now, I look back on it as though time had been suspended as I existed without Michael, Will, and Kai.
And her.
“You were the only loner I knew who hated being alone,” she mused, gathering up her books and papers.
“So what will you do?” I asked, changing the subject. “With your education, I mean?”
“She’s already doing it.” A voice trailed down from the top of the stairs, and I glanced over my shoulder enough to see a skinny body with brown hair trot down.
Alex.
“She, Rika, and I are designing a curriculum for young women,” she said, stopping just above me. “Self-defense, survival, situational awareness, decision-making… We’re hoping to roll it out next summer, starting at Sensou.”
Sensou. The dojo Kai, Rika, Will, and Michael owned together. Not with me.
Self-defense, survival, situational awareness… People don’t need classes in that. You push someone in a pool, they learn how to swim quick enough.
Banks stood up, bringing her satchel—weighed down and bulging with books and who knew what else with her. She looked up at me, explaining, “I want to empower people. That’s all I know for now.”
“Ready for lunch?” Alex asked behind me, but I knew she wasn’t talking to me. They were probably meeting Rika, too, since they all went to school here at Trinity College.
My sister walked past me, and I caught a little bow of her head, almost like an apology. It was subtle, and I hadn’t seen it in forever, but she used to do it all the time, didn’t she? Always little looks or gestures like that to handle me and my temper or keep me on an even keel.
I inhaled a deep breath.
I needed her. I needed an anchor.
“Banks,” I said, and turned around slowly.
She stopped and paused, standing there but not turning around. She didn’t want to deal with me, and she wasn’t going to have to. I was her big brother. I took care of her, not the other way around.
“I’ll catch up,” she finally told Alex.
Alex shot me a look, and I cocked an eyebrow, reminding her that she really didn’t like me upset.
Her lips formed a tight line and she nodded at Banks, leaving the auditorium.
Banks turned around, but she still wouldn’t look at me.
We were only a few feet from each other, but all of a sudden, it felt like miles.
I’d nearly killed my friend.
I’d destroyed Kai’s business.
I’d threatened her, had her guarded, and kept her practically caged.
I was sorry for some things, not for others.
I swallowed. “The way…the way I was with you…” I started, “I—”
“You raised me,” she said, raising her eyes. “And who knows what would’ve happened to me if I’d stayed with my mother.”
I waited for her to continue, not sure if she was just trying to make me feel better or if she really thought her life with me was worth it all.
“I like who I am,” she told me. “I don’t hate you for anything.”
And despite my slow, steady breaths and unwavering gaze on her, a little relief started to seep through my bones.
I watched her leave the auditorium, looking a little less unsure than when I walked in.
She didn’t trust me, and she might not choose me.
But she was still with me. Even just a bit.
That was something.
I arrived back at the Ashby house—technically now my house—just after six and fucking starving. I had barely eaten all day, and even though I’d rather wait until late to come in, so I’d have to deal with Arion as little as possible, I wanted to see her. I wanted Winter at my dinner table tonight.
“Hello, sir,” Crane said, opening the door for me.
I walked into the house, hearing the driver pull off behind me, and charged immediately up the stairs as the wind outside whistled through the old wood and any cracks in window panes it had found.
But there was no music or footsteps, and the upstairs was dark.
I stopped, slipping my hand into my suit pocket.
“Is anyone home?” I peered over my shoulder down to Crane.
He cleared his throat. “Mrs. Ashby and Mrs. Torrance are on their way back from the city—shopping,” he clarified. “They’ll be here in time for dinner.”
Mrs. Torrance. Jesus, fuck you.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, letting out a breath and waiting.
“And…” he continued. “Miss Ashby is in the backyard.”
I stopped breathing for just a moment. The backyard. I hated the way knowing that she was so close could give me pause.
I locked my jaw and continued up the stairs.
“She’s not alone, sir,” he called after me. “Mr. Grayson is here.”
I halted. Will?
“Please let me know if I shouldn’t have admitted him,” Crane rushed to add. “You only said—”