I WALK OUT of the bathroom and find Mia and Oliver engrossed in a quiet conversation. From the look on her face, I know she’s telling him to stay away from me, as if I’m some damsel in distress who can’t fend for herself. When they hear me approach, they stop talking and turn their attention back to the camera in her hand.
“The pictures look incredible,” she gushes, turning it so I can see the little screen.
“Wow. I can’t even believe it’s us. We look so . . .” My eyes snap up to Oliver, who’s staring at me with a look I want to get lost in forever. I look away quickly, back down at the rest of the pictures.
“Won’t this be bad for you?” I ask, looking at him again. “I mean, for work. For your residency or future work.”
He shrugs and looks at the pictures. “I want copies.”
“For what?” I ask a little too defensively.
“Your faces aren’t going to show all that much,” Mia says, interrupting us. “Trust me, when I’m done editing these, you’re both going to want to frame them.”
“What magazine did you say this was for?” I ask.
“V!”
“Holy shit,” I breathe, looking at Oliver, who looks impressed.
“I know. I’m so excited!”
“Yeah. Exciting. I feel like I might throw up,” I say quietly.
“Why? They’re beautiful pictures.”
“Yeah, but I’m posing half naked with Victor’s best friend!”
“And?” she says.
I look at her like she’s crazy and turn my attention to Oliver, who’s looking the other way now. Of course, he hadn’t thought of that.
“When does this come out?” I ask.
“In . . . a month? Right before Thanksgiving.”
I nod. I guess if I tell my parents and Victor about this before they have a chance to see it, it won’t be so bad. Victor will definitely need time to process it.
“Okay. What else do you need?”
Mia looks at Oliver. “I need to talk to Elle. I can take her home if you want.”
He looks at me, scratching the back of his neck. I shrug, he shrugs back and then says, “Sure,” before giving us each a kiss on the cheek and leaving.
That’s when I start to feel murderous. How can he just leave?
“Can you believe this shit?” I say after he’s out of earshot. “We just did all of that.” I signal to the bed. “And he still leaves in the middle of what was supposed to be our date, right after my brother and these pictures being viewed by the public is brought up. I don’t even know why I bother.”
Mia rolls her eyes. “You know exactly why you bother. He’s like your drug. No matter how far you go or what crazy measures you take to stay away from him, you always end up back where you started.”
“Not this time,” I say with finality. “Nothing has really happened this time.”
Mia laughs. “Elle, what I just saw, I mean, what I just captured, says otherwise,” she says waving her camera around. “You can’t make this shit up.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“You said you needed to move on.”
“Yeah, but not with him. You said so yourself, it’s a bad idea.”
“Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it’s not a bad idea.”
“Oh, really?” I roll my eyes. “You got all that from a few pictures?”
“No. I got all that from talking to him. I think he’s grown up.”
I wave frantically in the direction of the door. “He just left! Again!”
Mia shrugs. “Yeah, because I asked him to. Do you feel guilty for entertaining the idea of hooking up with someone?”
“I don’t think so. I think it’s just him I’m afraid of.”
Mia leans forward and gives me a hug. “Love is supposed to be scary.”
“Love is supposed to be comfortable,” I reply.
“Do you really believe that?”
“Wyatt was comfortable.”
“Wyatt didn’t make you go on tantrums and break your brand new Isaac Mizrahi Target plates because he didn’t call, or go into seclusion for weeks on end when you heard he was going to be living four hours away.”
I drop my arms and stare at her, feeling like she just said the most significant thing in the world.
“Do you think it’s possible to have different kinds of love?”
“You mean like head over heels in love and then just in love?” she asks.
I shrug, following her out the door. “Yeah, like soul mate love as opposed to just regular love.”
“Soul mate love?” she asks, laughing. “As far as I’m concerned, the only soul mate I have is you. And maybe Robert, since he’s my twin, and you know how we twins are.”
“I don’t think . . . I mean, I don’t want to think that I didn’t love Wyatt with everything I had. That makes me feel so bad, you know? He died so young, and to think I wasn’t the love of his life makes me sad.”
“Oh, honey,” Mia says, pulling me to her as we walk side-by-side to her car. “You loved him so much, though. You gave up so much for him, Elle. Dance, your friends, time you used to spend with your family . . .”
“Yeah, but he gave me a lot too. The studio . . . he taught me how to hone my craft . . . and he left me his house.”
“I’m not saying he wasn’t a good guy for you, but was he your forever guy? You know I can’t agree to that.”
We drive in silence, only singing along to her Taylor Swift CD when a song we both like comes on. When we get to my brother’s house, I’m a little sad that Oliver’s car isn’t there. He really ran off. Again. Unbelievable.
It isn’t until after I shower and climb in bed, that I decide that I can’t leave it alone. Not this time. I send him a text message and look at my phone until he responds.
I can’t believe you left.