WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 12
Big Brothers: Life Beyond the Wedgie
Unless you’re an only child, you are doubtlessly aware of the varied forms of sibling torture: the noogie, the wet willy, the towel snap, and the ever-maddening “I’m not touching you,” in which a spit-laden index finger is held one millimeter from your nose. Friends, I’m no stranger to a good pantsing. I quit wearing drawstring shorts after my brother tugged down my Umbros in front of the entire youth league soccer team. But I’m here to tell you there is life beyond the swirlie. You may not believe it now, but sibling tormentors actually grow up and even become—dare I say it?—useful!
Nonsense, you say?
Just keep reading.
My brother is a United States Marine. (OOH-RAH!) He joined the service two years ago, and I haven’t seen much of him since. But when he found out the L’eihrs picked me for the exchange, he volunteered to come here and learn the culture so he could serve as my mentor. In the past two weeks, he’s taught me:
? How to change the pitch setting on my translator earpiece so my professors sound like helium-huffing Oompa Loompas. Alien teachers are a lot less intimidating when they’re channeling the Lollipop Guild.
? Which bugs NOT to squash. There’s an insect here whose self-defense mechanism is secreting a stench that makes skunk musk smell like Chanel No. 5. My brother discovered this the hard way when he whacked one in the lobby and the whole Aegis had to be evacuated. He could have let me make the same mistake, but he didn’t.
? That despite years of jackassery, he cares about me. That might sound cheesy, but it’s true. My brother claims he volunteered for this position so he could be the first human to travel at light speed, but I think there was a lot more to it. He’s proven that whether in Midtown or on L’eihr, he won’t let anyone torture his kid sister. Only he gets to do that. And I kind of love him for it.
So to all of you back home, hug your siblings tonight—and not so you can tape “Kick me!” signs to their backs.
Posted by Cara Sweeney
Chapter Nine
Aelyx never expected to become so good at cheating death. As a child, he’d resented his assignment as translator, a seemingly dull occupation. He’d wanted a position in the genetics labs, or perhaps aboard the voyager shuttles, cataloguing new planets and unfamiliar species. He’d craved adventure and discovery. Who would’ve guessed that his job manipulating mere words would result in so many assassination attempts?
The most recent attack had been rather creative. After the bomb squad had swept and secured the building, Aelyx and his pseudo-family had returned to their suite and settled at the dining room table for supper. Syrine had abandoned her interest in cooking—thank gods—so they’d resumed their habit of ordering takeout. She’d just brought a spring roll to her lips when David stopped her and asked who’d ordered the meal.
Syrine had assumed Aelyx placed the order. Aelyx figured it’d been Syrine. The ambassador insisted he hadn’t called for delivery—he didn’t even like Szechuan. David boxed up the dinner and sent it to a government facility, where it’d tested positive for strychnine. Since then, Aelyx had taken it upon himself to learn how to cook.
Again, Stepha had reported the crime to Alona, and again, she’d pardoned the act, citing no harm, no foul. It was as if she didn’t care whether Aelyx lived or died. She’d even gone a step further, insisting they double their efforts to reform his and Syrine’s reputations and endear them to HALO members. Now Aelyx had a government-appointed crisis communications specialist and an image consultant named Blaze.
An image consultant! As if a trendy haircut would fix everything.
But strangest of all, HALO continued to deny responsibility for the attempts on his life. Nothing made sense anymore. It was as if he’d fallen down the rabbit hole in that popular children’s story and landed in an alternate dimension…in which he had an image consultant.
“Damn, I’m good,” Blaze said as she added a dollop of sticky goop to his hair. She had one of those faces that made it impossible to guess her age, but she pinched his cheek like a grandmother. “Of course, it’s not hard making you pretty, is it, hon?”
Gods, kill me now.
“Are we done?” Aelyx gestured toward the living room, where his next interview was set to begin. This time the government had flown Cara’s parents to Kansas City to participate. Or at least that’s where Aelyx thought he was. He tended to lose track these days.
Blaze patted his chest. “Knock ’em dead, hot stuff.”
On his way to the living room, Aelyx crossed paths with Sharon Taylor, the journalist who’d conducted his exchange program interviews in the fall. Clad in her signature pink suit, she devoured him with her gaze while a predatory grin curved her mouth.
“Aelyx,” she practically purred. “You look delish, honey.” She twirled one finger toward his head. “Love what you did with the hair. The ponytail was hot, but this is edgier. My audience is going to eat you up with a spoon and fight each other to lick the bowl.”
He tried to hide his annoyance. “Thanks for accommodating us on such short notice.”
“Oh, please!” she cried with a wave of her red-tipped fingers. “I should be thanking you.” She indicated for him to sit on the sofa with Bill and Eileen Sweeney while she picked her way over wires and around crew members to the adjacent armchair.
Eileen threw her arms around Aelyx’s neck before his backside had met the sofa. She brought with her the scent of lilacs and a warmth that he’d missed more than he had realized. She took his face between her palms. “It’s so good to see—”
“Hands off,” Sharon interrupted. “You’ll make his skin shiny.”
Eileen obediently released him while Bill extended a hand for a firm shake. If the man harbored any ill will against Aelyx for stealing Cara away from her home, he didn’t let it show. Bill’s eyes gleamed with the respect Aelyx had regularly seen there, even if he hadn’t always deserved it.
“We miss having you at the house,” Bill said. “Now that you’re gone, there’s no one to organize the canned vegetables by dietary fiber content.”
“Or rearrange the plates in the dishwasher,” Eileen added.
Aelyx had missed them, too. When he’d lived with the Sweeneys, it was the first time he’d felt like he belonged to a family. “I’m glad we have this chance to—”
Sharon cut him off with a clap. “Everyone ready?” She pulled a gold pen from her breast pocket and pointed it at them. “I have dinner reservations at six.”
“Charming as always,” Bill muttered under his breath.
When the cameraman flashed the signal, Sharon began. “Good evening, America. I promised you an interview with a special guest, and, boy, am I about to deliver! I’m joined tonight by our favorite L’eihr exchange student, and my sixth sense tells me he has big news to share.” Crossing her legs at the ankles, she angled her body toward Aelyx. “So tell me: does this big news involve a secret wedding?”
Aelyx played the part of a reluctant celebrity, relaxing his posture and favoring Sharon with a good-natured chuckle. “Now, Ms. Taylor, you know humans and L’eihrs can’t legally wed.”
“Besides,” Bill coolly interjected, “Cara’s too young to get married.”
“But not too young for interplanetary travel.” Sharon arched a brow. “An unaccompanied minor jetting off to a foreign galaxy? Not many parents would approve of that.”
Aelyx didn’t say so, but Cara’s parents hadn’t approved. In the wake of Eron’s death, The Way had given them no say in the matter.
“She wasn’t unaccompanied,” Eileen said with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Her brother was with her, and Aelyx’s leaders. We knew they would take care of our little girl.”
“Mmm.” In that one simple utterance, Sharon made her judgment clear. “You’re very trusting, aren’t you?”
Bill ground his teeth but nodded with a grin. The PR specialist had explained that parts of the interview had to appear harsh, or it wouldn’t seem genuine. Sharon would ask a few uncomfortable questions, but when the hour was done, she’d surrender her footage to the government, who would edit the material in their favor.
“And Aelyx,” Sharon went on, “there’s some negative chatter about you and the other two exchange students. Wasn’t it discovered that Eron”—she touched her chest—“God rest his soul, tampered with the water supply? When they searched his bedroom, they found contaminated water samples and all kinds of strange equipment.”
“That’s not true,” Aelyx said. “Those analytics were sanctioned by your government.”
“Then why don’t you tell me what is true?”
He hesitated, wanting desperately to do what she’d asked. But The Way still hadn’t responded to his request. Without their approval, he was compelled to remain quiet.
“Oh, come on,” she crooned. “I can tell it’s weighing on you. Go ahead and get it off your chest.” Smiling in anticipation, she tapped her pen against one knee. “Confession does wonders for the soul.”
Even if Aelyx believed in souls, he would doubt that Sharon Taylor possessed one. However, he began to take her suggestion seriously. The first step in earning forgiveness was honesty, and he couldn’t mend human-L’eihr relations by continuing to lie. If the PR specialists disagreed, they would simply cut the footage later. Stepha wasn’t here, so there was no one to stop him.
“A confession,” he said. “All right. My friends and I have been accused of many things—among them, blighting local crops and poisoning the water supply.” Taking a deep breath, he leaned forward and rested both forearms against his thighs. “One of those allegations is true.”
Sharon’s eyes brightened and she nearly dropped her pen. “Which one?”
“The first. We used parasitic seedlings to stunt the crop growth in Midtown, Bordeaux, and Lanzhou.”
Eileen gasped beside him while Bill’s lips parted. Aelyx offered an apologetic glance before dropping his gaze to the carpet.
“Why would you do that?” Sharon asked.
“Because humans and L’eihrs have more in common than you think,” Aelyx said. “Stubbornness, prejudice, fear of the unfamiliar—my generation feels these emotions, too. We couldn’t understand why the Elders wanted to ally with humans. And because we opposed the alliance, we contrived to sabotage it.” The admission felt good, as if an invisible weight had lifted from his shoulders. “It was a decision we made together in secret, but we agree now it was a terrible mistake. We were wrong about mankind.”
“What changed your mind?”
“Basically, I came to know humans on a personal level. The more time I spent here, the more I learned that the criminals dominating your news stories are a misrepresentation of your kind.” Aelyx dipped his head and glanced into the camera. “And I fell in love. I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Ah, yes,” Sharon said, drawing out the words. “With Cara Sweeney, your host student. I saw sparks fly at every interview, but you both denied the rumors.” She paused as if waiting for a response.
“We wanted to keep our private lives to ourselves.”