The door opened again, and I leaned out of his grasp, craning my neck just as Nico came in. He startled at the sight of the two of us. “Oh—I’m—you’re—”
“Hey,” I said.
“I...forgot I had something. To do, I mean,” Nico said, rocking back on his heels. “But if you were going to stay I’ll...figure it out.”
“Nah,” Liam said, looking at me. “I think we’re done here...?”
“All yours,” I confirmed. “But try to get some sleep, okay?”
Nico nodded absently. I lingered a moment more in the doorway, watching as he went to his station and the light from the monitor washed him in a blue-white glow.
Liam tugged my hand toward the other hall, the stairs, the bunk rooms. I turned and tugged him in the opposite direction, toward the senior quarters and Cate’s empty room. The small smile on his face made me feel a little dizzy, the good kind of dizzy. One hand began to stroke down my spine softly, sparking an entirely different feeling low in my stomach.
I stood on my toes, taking his face in my hands. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a dark form come out of a nearby room—the little treatment room that had been set up. Liam turned toward it as the door squeaked shut and the person—Chubs—looked up, down, then back up again as his brain processed the moment.
“Oh, there you are,” Liam said, clearly missing the way Chubs’s nostrils flared and his eyes went wide behind his glasses. “We were wondering where you’d gotten off to.”
“I was just—building some shelves, for the—uh, the supplies and books in the medical, uh, room,” Chubs said, glancing between us, the door, and back over his shoulder, literally looking for an escape route.
“Did you build them all?” I asked, noticing for the first time that his shirt was buttoned incorrectly. I started toward the door, trying not to laugh as a look like death came over Chubs’s face. “We’re happy to help you—”
Liam finally caught on, an eyebrow slowly arching up, up, up...
“Nope, no—I mean, I lost a screw and had to stop—where were you going? I’ll go with you—”
“Are you okay?” Liam asked. “You’re acting all twitchy.”
“Fine, totally.” Chubs pushed the glasses Vida had made for him up the bridge of his nose, then looked down at his shirt. Without warning, he snatched my arm and started pulling me down the hall. “How are you? Are you guys okay now? Spare no details. We’ll—”
The door creaked open behind us again. Chubs shrank back against the wall as Vida came strolling out, her shoulders set back, head of mussed purple hair held high—the curl of her swollen lips gave her a look of smug satisfaction. Liam stepped back, letting her by.
Vida didn’t say a thing; she simply dropped Chubs’s jacket over his head as she passed, letting it hang there. He waited until the sound of her boots against the tile had faded before sinking down onto the ground. Chubs kept the jacket pressed to his face, looking for all the world like he was trying to suffocate himself.
“Oh, God,” he groaned. “She’s going to kill me. Actually kill me.”
“Wait...” Liam began, not bothering to hide the grin on his face. I put a hand on his shoulder, afraid he’d start jumping up and down in total and complete glee. “Are you...?”
Chubs finally lowered the jacket. And, after a deep breath, nodded.
Well, I thought, surprised at my lack of surprise. Well, well, well...
“Wow...I mean, wow. I think my brain is going to start leaking out of my ears,” Liam said, pressing the heels of his palms against his forehead. “I’m so proud of you, Chubsie, but I’m so confused, but I’m proud, but I think I need to lie down.”
“How long has this been going on?” I asked. “You haven’t...you’re not...?”
One look of mortification told me everything I needed to know. They had. They were. Liam choked a bit at that.
“What?” Chubs demanded. “It’s a...it’s a perfectly normal human response to—to stressors. And it’s winter, you know, and when you’re sleeping in a car or tent it can be freezing...actually, you know what? It’s none of your business.”
“It is if you’re being stupid about it,” Liam said.
“Excuse me, but I’ve known about contraception since I was—”
“Not what I meant,” Liam said quickly, holding up his hands. “Not at all what I meant, but, uh, good to know.”
I crouched down in front of Chubs, putting a hand on his arm. “I think what he was trying to say was, if this doesn’t pan out, or one of you gets hurt, it’d be hard to take.”
“Oh, you mean like if she erased my memory, forcing me to keep a little fact sheet of who I am in case she does it again?” The minute it left his mouth, I could tell he wanted it back inside his head, where the thought belonged. That alone eased the sting.
“Hey...” Liam warned.
“No, it’s fair,” I said. “I know you can handle it, but Vi’s been...well, the people in her life really put her through the wringer. You’ll be careful with her heart, right?”
“There are no hearts involved in this arrangement,” he reassured me, which wasn’t actually reassuring, let alone believable in any way. “It’s...coping.”
“Okay,” I said.
“And she doesn’t need anyone to protect her or fight her battles for her, got it?” he added, looking between us. The fierceness deflated somewhat. “God, she’s going to kill me for blowing this. We haven’t even been back for a week...You won’t tell anyone, right?”
“Vida’s the kind of person who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about what others think,” Liam pointed out. “A quality I greatly admire in her.”
“Are you saying she asked you to keep this quiet because she’s embarrassed?” I said. “Embarrassed of being with you?”
“She didn’t say it outright, but it’s obvious, isn’t it?”
“Maybe she just wants to keep it between the two of you for now because it’s so new,” I added. “Or because it really is no one else’s business, even ours.”
“You’re a great catch, buddy,” Liam finished. “It’s not you. And she can’t be that mad, anyway, seeing as it’s only the two of us who know, and we’d only ever tell each other. And maybe a G-rated version to Zu. But, man, give yourself some credit. Obviously you’ve got something she likes if she’s jumping your bones.”
“Liam Michael Stewart, wordsmith and poet,” Chubs said, shaking his head as he pushed himself up from the ground. I watched him as he fell silent, wringing his hands, trying our line of logic out. A shadow passed over his expression, one that had me wondering what he was thinking—or remembering. In the end, he shook his head. “I’m not...I mean, I don’t have delusions of grandeur about this stuff. I know who I am and who she is, and I know it’s like putting an apple next to an onion. Whatever. We have an understanding.”
Liam gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
“Anyway, good night,” Chubs said. “Don’t stay up too late. You’re leaving tomorrow morning, don’t forget.”
Liam waited until Chubs had disappeared around the corner at the other end of the hall before turning to me, not even trying to hide his grin. “You wanna go build some shelves with me?”
I held out my hand for him to take, leading him back down toward the right door. It was almost painful, I thought, to have a heart so swollen with gratitude and what must have been pure, untainted happiness. I wanted to live inside the feeling forever.
If nothing else, this one thing—this one choice—wasn’t made under pressure, or fear, or even desperation. It was something I wanted. To be as close to him as I could, with nothing standing between us. I wanted to show him the things that my words were too clumsy, too self-conscious, to really convey.
Neither of us were laughing now; the moment drew me closer to him, winding something up inside of me, making my heart feel weightless with anticipation. His eyes were dark, suddenly serious with the real question. I reached up and brushed an unruly lock of hair off his forehead before I tilted my face, brushing my lips softly against his, a question of my own. Liam let out a sweet, soft sigh, and nodded. I pulled him inside the room and managed to tear myself away long enough to lock the door behind us and take a breath.
Liam sat at the edge of the bed, his shape bright against the dark. He held out a hand and whispered, “Come here.”
I swayed a little on my feet as I stepped into the circle of his waiting arms, watching his slow smile. I brushed the hair away from his face, knowing he was waiting for me. This whole time, from the moment we met, he’d been waiting for me to realize he’d known me all along, and he had never once wanted me to change.
“The you that you were then, who you are now, who you’ll be,” he began quietly, as if sensing my thoughts, “I love you. With my whole heart. My whole life, however long I’m lucky enough to get, nothing will change for me.”
His voice sounded raw, flooded with the same searing feeling racing through me. The relief, the certainty, the overwhelming gratitude I felt that fate had given him to me, all burned my eyes, left me unable to speak again. So I kissed him and told him that way, over and over again between breaths, as he moved over me, inside of me, until there was nothing in the world beyond us and the promise of forever.