TWENTY-THREE
Kenji is waiting on the other side.
“What the hell do you two think you’re doing?” he says. “Get your asses out here, right now.”
I head straight into the living room, eager to put distance between me and whatever keeps happening to my head when Warner gets too close. I need air. I need a new brain. I need to jump out of a window and catch a ride with a dragon to a world far from here.
But the moment I look up and try to steady myself, I find Adam staring at me. Blinking like he’s starting to see something he wishes he could unsee, and I feel my face flush so fast that for a moment I’m surprised I’m not standing in a toilet.
“Adam,” I hear myself say. “No—it’s not—”
“I can’t even talk to you right now.” He’s shaking his head, his voice strangled. “I can’t even be near you right now—”
“Please,” I try to say. “We were just talking—”
“You were just talking? Alone? In my brother’s bedroom?” He’s holding his jacket in his hands. He tosses it onto the couch. Laughs like he might be losing his mind. Runs a hand through his hair and glances up at the ceiling. Stares back at me. “What the hell is going on, Juliette?” he asks, his jaw tensing. “What is happening right now?”
“Can’t we talk about this in private—?”
“No.” His chest is heaving. “I want to talk about this right now. I don’t care who hears it.”
My eyes immediately go to Warner. He’s leaning against the wall just outside James’s room, arms crossed loosely at his chest. He’s watching Adam with a calm, focused interest.
Warner stills suddenly, as if he can feel my eyes on him.
He looks up, looks at me for exactly two seconds before turning away. He seems to be laughing.
“Why do you keep looking at him?” Adam demands, eyes flashing. “Why are you even looking at him at all? Why are you so interested in some demented psycho—”
I’m so tired of this.
I’m tired of all the secrets and all my inner turmoil and all the guilt and confusion I’ve felt over these two brothers. More than anything else, I don’t like this angry Adam in front of me.
I try to talk to him and he won’t listen to me. I try to reason with him and he attacks me. I try to be honest with him and he won’t believe me. I have no idea what else to do.
“What’s really going on between you guys?” Adam is still asking me. “What’s really happening, Juliette? I need you to stop lying to me—”
“Adam.” I cut him off. I’m surprised by how calm I sound. “There’s so much we need to be discussing right now,” I say to him, “and this isn’t it. Our personal problems don’t need to be shared with everyone.”
“So you admit it then?” he says, somehow angrier. “That we have problems, that something is wrong—”
“Something’s been wrong for a while,” I say, exasperated. “I can’t even talk to y—”
“Yeah, ever since we dragged this asshole back to Omega Point,” Adam says. He turns to glare at Kenji. “It was your idea—”
“Hey, don’t pull me into your bullshit, okay?” Kenji counters. “Don’t blame me for your issues.”
“We were fine until she started spending so much goddamn time with him—,” Adam begins to say.
“She spent just as much time with him while we were still on base, genius—”
“Stop,” I say. “Please understand: Warner is here to help us. He wants to take down The Reestablishment and kill the supreme just like we do—he’s not our enemy anymore—”
“He’s going to help us?” Adam asks, eyes wide, feigning surprise. “Oh, you mean just like he helped us the last time he said he was going to fight on our side? Right before he broke out of Omega Point and bailed?” Adam laughs out loud, disbelieving. “I can’t believe you’re falling for all of his bullshit—”
“This isn’t some kind of trick, Adam—I’m not stupid—”
“Are you sure?”
“What?” I can’t believe he just insulted me.
“I asked you if you were sure,” he snaps. “Because you’re acting pretty damn stupid right now, so I don’t know if I can trust your judgment anymore.”
“What is wrong with you—”
“What’s wrong with you?” he shouts back, eyes blazing. “You don’t do this. You don’t act like this,” he says. “You’re like a completely different person—”
“Me?” I demand, my voice rising. I’ve been trying so hard to control my temper but I just don’t think I can anymore. He says he wants to have this conversation in front of everyone?
Fine.
We’ll have this conversation in front of everyone.
“If I’ve changed,” I say to him, “then so have you. Because the Adam I remember is kind and gentle and he’d never insult me like this. I know things have been rough for you lately, and I’m trying to understand, to be patient, to give you space—but these last few weeks have been rough on all of us. We’re all going through a hard time but we don’t put each other down. We don’t hurt each other. But you can’t even be nice to Kenji,” I tell him. “You used to be friends with Kenji, remember? Now every time he so much as cracks a joke you look at him like you want to kill him, and I don’t know why—”
“You’re going to defend everyone in this room except for me, aren’t you?” Adam says. “You love Kenji so much, you spend all your goddamn time with Kenji—”
“He’s my friend!”
“I’m your boyfriend!”
“No,” I tell him. “You’re not.”
Adam is shaking, fists clenched. “I can’t even believe you right now.”
“We broke up, Adam.” My voice is steady. “We broke up a month ago.”
“Right,” Adam says. “We broke up because you said you loved me. Because you said you didn’t want to hurt me.”
“I don’t,” I tell him. “I don’t want to hurt you. I’ve never wanted to hurt you.”
“What the hell do you think you’re doing right now?” he shouts.
“I don’t know how to talk to you,” I tell him, shaking my head. “I don’t understand—”
“No—you don’t understand anything,” he snaps. “You don’t understand me, you don’t understand yourself, and you don’t understand that you’re acting like a stupid child who’s allowed herself to be brainwashed by a psychopath.”
Time seems to stand still.
Everything I want to say and everything I’ve wished to say begins to take shape, falling to the floor and scrambling upright. Paragraphs and paragraphs begin building walls around me, blocking and justifying as they find ways to fit together, linking and weaving and leaving no room for escape. And every single space between every unspoken word clambers up and into my open mouth, down my throat and into my chest, filling me with so much emptiness I think I might just float away.
I’m breathing.