Pax nods. “Of course.”
“I’m probably crazy. We aren’t even dating and you’ve cheated on me already. But I have this insane attraction to you,” I tell him. “When I’m not with you, I’m thinking about you. I’ve never been attracted to someone like this before. It has to mean something, right? So, maybe we should see where this goes. But I need your word that you won’t be with anyone else while you’re with me. I can’t tolerate that. You’re going to have to find some other way to deal with your issues. I’m really afraid, Pax. You’ve got issues that I don’t know what to do with.”
Pax stares at me, his hazel eyes more gold than green in the morning light. He nods slowly.
“I will try very hard not to hurt you,” he says. “I’m fucked up. So I can’t promise that I won’t. But I promise that I will try.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “But try very hard.”
Pax chuckles, low and husky and my belly twinges with warmth from the sound of it. “And I did not cheat on you. We weren’t together. You rejected me, remember?”
He dips his head and kisses me again. This time, it is a kiss with promise. Of things to come, of things that might be. It fills me up with hope and I realize with a start that this is the first time I’ve felt truly hopeful in quite some time. It’s quite a feeling and for just a second, I think that I might not be crazy after all, because it feels right.
As Pax pulls away, he holds onto me, looking down at me and I see warmth in his eyes. So there really was warmth there the other day. I hadn’t been imagining it.
“I remember,” I tell him. “But it was because I was trying to listen to my head, not my heart. My head is usually the smarter of the two. For once, though, I’m going to do the crazy thing.”
Pax grins. “I’ve done the crazy thing more times than I can count, usually to my detriment. Trust me, I know crazy, and this isn’t it. This is… just nature. A man and a woman who are attracted to each other when they logically shouldn’t be because they’re opposites. But opposites always attract, you know, so it makes total sense.”
He says this knowingly, as if he’s an expert and I laugh.
“Okay, Dr. Phil. We’ll just pretend that it makes total sense and then just go from there.”
“Where exactly do we go from there, though? How do we go about a real relationship?” he asks wryly. “Because I truly don’t know.”
I can see that he doesn’t. He looks at a loss and he’s not even trying to hide it. I find that refreshing, so I don’t make fun of him.
Instead, I simply say, “Well, we start with a first date. Then a second and a third. We’ll take it slow. I’m not going to jump into your bed tonight, Pax. I meant it when I said that I’m afraid to trust you to not break my heart. I’m going to need some time for you to prove that you won’t.”
“I’m okay with that,” he tells me, amusement in his voice. “I think you’ll be worth the wait.”
I smile, then lean into his arm and we watch the lake, at how the foamy lip slides onto the beach and then sucks back away. The sun glistens on the surface like a million prisms of light and I look up at him.
“I bet this is the earliest you’ve been up in a while.”
He laughs. “Maybe. I’m not admitting to anything, though. I will tell you that I need a shower. Desperately. So I’m going to drive you to your car, then take one. When can I see you again?”
When can he see me again?
The way he words that question causes my heart to twinge a bit once again. It seems so vulnerable and tender, like him. Like somewhere, deep down, behind his tough-looking exterior, he’s fragile. But I don’t say it because I’m sure that he wouldn’t appreciate being described with that particular word.
Instead, I reply, “I have to work a shift at The Hill, my family’s restaurant. My sister runs it. I’m helping out during the slow winter months. But if you want to come over around the end of my shift, we can have our first date. Do you like Italian food?”
Pax smiles. “I love it. And it’s a date.”
He walks me to his car and then kisses me again, leaning me against the cool metal door as he wraps his tongue with mine until I feel weak-kneed from his nearness. But I finally pull away like a rational human being and watch him walk around to his side. I can’t help but notice the way the muscles in his back flex as he moves. I sigh.
He’s gorgeous, and flawed and sexy. And I have no idea what I’m getting into.
********
I had forgotten how tiring waiting tables truly is. I’ve only been here for five hours and it feels like a million. I pause tiredly by the kitchen door to rub my ankle after banging it on a table leg.
“Tired already?” Maddy asks with a grin as she passes by. She pauses next to me, a tray of food in her hands. “Don’t worry. The night is almost over.”