He shrugs and his movement stirs his masculine scent. I inhale it and fight the urge to close my eyes so that I can better enjoy the smell.
“I don’t know. All I know is that ever since I met you, I’ve wanted to know you. That’s why I’ve been coming into town this week to see you. Something about you makes me think that I can be better, maybe even get my shit straight. I haven’t felt that way in a very long time. And I feel like I do owe you something.”
Hell. His words strike a chord in me and I swallow hard. His tone is hesitant, soft. And it melts my heart. I can’t help it. Sometimes, there is such a broken look in his eyes. And deep down, I just want to fix it.
“Why?” I ask, my gaze firmly locked with his. He shakes his head.
“I don’t know. You just seem so good, so wholesome. It draws me to you. I can’t explain it.”
I laugh now, thoroughly amused.
I gesture toward my painting. “Does that seem good and wholesome to you?”
We both study the angry black and gray canvas. It looks like something that someone in a Psych ward might have painted. Pax finally smiles.
“Well, then, Red, it looks like you’ve got a dark side. But the difference between you and me is that you channel yours in a healthy way. I don’t.”
I stare at him, trying to decide what to say, how honest to be. But this moment seems like a good time for honesty, so I don’t hesitate.
“I don’t know if it’s all that healthy that I’m attracted to you,” I admit finally. “I’ve never been attracted to a bad boy before.”
He is so close to me that his proximity is a bit intoxicating. I feel almost dizzy from it as I stare up at him, waiting for his response. It also seems as though I can feel the danger emanating from him…it’s charged, electrical, fascinating.
Pax thinks on it for a moment, his jaw covered in day-old stubble.
“Well, I’ve never wanted to be good before, so I guess it’s a first for both of us.”
We stare into each other’s eyes for what seems like forever.
I don’t know if I should believe him, but he seems so sincere. I do know that I want to believe him, even if it’s a stupid feeling.
I don’t know what to say and apparently, he doesn’t either.
Without a word, he ducks his head and his lips meet mine.
It is as unexpected as it is amazing.
His lips are soft and he tastes like mint. Gone is the taste of ashtray and vomit. Gone is the limp man from the other night, the one who convulsed on the pavement. In his place is someone vibrant and alive, someone who smells delicious and is devastatingly sexy.
Someone who is bad for me.
His tongue delves softly into my mouth and I fight the urge to sigh into his. His hands grip my back and I don’t know when they got there, but I lean into his embrace, clutching his waist. I revel in the way his fingers knead at my skin, at the firm pressure he places against me, at the hard rigidity pressed against my hips. It’s dizzying.
When I finally need to breathe, he pulls away.
I am shaky from the kiss, from his absence from me. From the idea that I enjoyed that way too much.
I look up at him.
He looks down at me.
He’s waiting for a reaction and I’m not sure what to do. The kiss was perfect. Pax is sexy as hell. But he’s so different from me. And he just got a blow job from someone else. The vision of that horrible girl on her knees in front of Pax springs into my head and I cringe. He could very definitely hurt me if I give him the chance. I’ve already had enough pain in life. I don’t need more.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” I finally say reluctantly. And the words are so very hard to say.
The warm light dims in Pax’s eyes as he stares at me and I see the disappointment in them, the rejection, before he hardens it into a cool expression that makes me want to weep.
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” he says calmly. “Because I think it’s a very good idea. The best I’ve had in a long, long time.”
He turns around and walks away, out of my shop.
Away from me.
Without another word.
I watch his wide shoulders as he walks away, out of my sight.
Then I sink to my knees right in the middle of my shop. My hands are shaking and my head is spinning.
What did I just do?
Am I insane? I met someone who made me feel something for the first time in the two years since my parents died, and I’m too chicken-shit to pursue anything?
I’m pathetic.
I reach for my phone and call my sister. I speak before she even has a chance to.
“I’m ready for that drink tonight.”
Chapter Nine
Pax
Fuck her.
My head is spinning as I walk woodenly from her shop and to my car. I can’t believe that just happened, actually. I bared myself to someone for the first time in forever and she stomped on it. I don’t know who I’m madder at—her for rejecting me or me for putting myself out there for her to reject.