Lily pulled out her compact, pressed some powder onto her nose, reapplied her dark red lipstick. She felt girlish almost, like a teenager arriving for a first date. She instructed herself not to be silly, reminded herself that this was Daniel, her husband of eighteen years, and she was turning up in New York to surprise him. It was, she thought, exactly what their relationship needed: spontaneity, excitement, a reordering of priorities.
She walked up the steps, reached the glass door, looked at the list of names next to the buzzers – Cohen, Harris, Garcia, Perez. Goldsmith was about halfway down, innocuously typed, nothing to suggest that Daniel was a temporary guest of the city.
Later Lily would not be able to explain what had made her finger hover above the buzzer, would not know what had caused her to hesitate as though the scene had been paused by an invisible third party. She would not know what had prompted her to press her face to the glass door, cup her hands around her eyes to shut out the light and peer into the building’s lobby like a peeping Tom. None of these things Lily would ever be able to explain beyond the slippery answer that somewhere, deep down, she must have known.
Lily pressed her face to the glass and it was as if the world had stopped turning on its axis.
On the other side of the door, Daniel stepped out of the lift, laughing. As he took another step into the small lobby, Lily saw that his arm was outstretched around someone’s shoulders, that the shoulders belonged to a young, flame-haired woman wearing a cream silk blouse and scarlet lipstick, that the two of them were laughing, heads bent together, as if sharing the most delicious joke in the world.
Time seemed to slacken as Daniel and the redhead turned towards the door. Lily saw the woman’s eyes widen in surprise, watched her lipsticked mouth form into a perfect shocked circle, caught a glimpse of Daniel’s startled expression.
Lily felt herself back away from the door but then it opened and there he was, standing in front of her. And Daniel’s first words were not It’s great to see you or What a lovely surprise or I’m so pleased you’re here. Lily’s husband stood and stared at her as if he didn’t quite recognise her.
‘Lily, what on earth are you doing here?’
Chapter 52
Audrey
Lying on the super-king-sized bed, three goose-down pillows under her head, Audrey understood why the rich always wanted to get richer: once you’d had a taste of this, you’d never want to give it up.
There was a gentle knock at her hotel door. She moved to lift herself onto her elbows but her limbs felt impossibly heavy. Parts of her body she hadn’t consciously registered before were making themselves known to her, clamouring for attention, trying to prove that each could ache more than the last.
‘Mum? Are you in there?’ Jess’s voice drifted through the locked door.
‘Yes, I’m just coming.’ Audrey tried to swing her legs over the edge of the bed but they seemed glued to the duvet. She rolled onto her side, felt a sharp skewer of pain dig into her right shoulder, managed to stifle a cry before it escaped her lips.
All she had to do was get off the bed. How hard could it be? She must have done it thousands of times before. And yet now it seemed that her limbs wouldn’t comply with a task she’d spent sixty-two years taking for granted.
‘Mum? What are you doing?’
Jess’s voice oozed concern and Audrey knew she needed to nip it in the bud before the trip was declared over before it had barely begun. Sucking air through her lips and clamping her jaw shut, she hoisted herself onto her elbows and forced her legs over the side of the bed. Breathing out slowly, she willed the heaviness to drain from her body.
Why had no one warned her that, at some point during her illness, even the simplest of tasks would denude her of all energy?
Pushing herself to her feet and ignoring the pain griping in her shoulder, Audrey walked towards the door, remembering just in time to pull her face into a smile.
‘Is everything all right? You took ages to answer.’
Audrey nodded, trying to look reassuring. ‘I was just enjoying the view. I didn’t realise we’d be quite so high up. How’s your room?’
‘It’s absolutely amazing. Thank you so much.’
Jess pulled her into an embrace and breathed a kiss into her hair before walking into Audrey’s room towards the two armchairs by the window overlooking Central Park.
‘So what’s on our itinerary this afternoon, Mum? We could try getting up the Empire State Building or Top of the Rock? Though maybe we should do those early one morning when they’re less busy. I know you want to walk the High Line but it’s a bit of a schlepp from here and we might be pushed for time. Is there anything you’re really desperate to do? It is our first afternoon, after all.’
Audrey fought the desire to close her eyes, to let her chin rest on her chest, to sink into whatever temporary oblivion her body was craving. Out of the window, cars circled the park and in the shadow of skyscrapers people scurried through the streets like ants in a colony, keeping the city moving. This was a city teeming with life. And that was why she’d wanted to come: to drink its elixir the way others might swallow holy water from Lourdes.
‘The park. Let’s go to the park. It seems silly not to when we’re so close and it’s such a glorious afternoon. At least there’ll be shade.’
At least, Audrey thought, there’ll be benches.
As she leaned forward to pull on her shoes, another surge of pain jabbed at her shoulder: fiercer, sharper, more insistent than before. Audrey ground her teeth, pulled her body up straight, and hauled herself to her feet.
Chapter 53
Lily
On the steps of Daniel’s apartment block, Lily’s husband was staring at her, waiting for her to speak. There had been a question but Lily couldn’t remember now what it had been. The only thing she could remember was the sight of Daniel with his arm around the young redhead, who was now standing at his shoulder, frowning. ‘What … I don’t … What’s going on, Daniel?’ Lily’s voice felt small, as though her lungs had been pierced and all the air she breathed in leaked straight out again.
‘Sweetheart, could you give us a few minutes?’
Lily looked up at Daniel, wondering where he meant her to wait, what he expected her to do. But Daniel wasn’t looking at her. He was looking at the redhead. He was looking at the redhead and calling her sweetheart and directing her back upstairs to his apartment.
Something crumpled in her chest, her breath trapped beneath the rubble. Her legs, as she turned and ran back down the stone steps, felt weak as though her bones had been removed and only some strange force of momentum was keeping the muscles and the flesh moving.
‘Lily! Wait! For God’s sake, just wait!’
Lily kept on running, each step pounding into her ankles through the high heels of her shoes.
‘Lily! What are you doing? Where are you going?’
Ahead of her Lily saw the main road and beyond it the green trees of the park. All she had to do was get to the park. If she could just get to the trees she might be able to breathe.
She felt a hand grab the top of her arm, felt Daniel’s fingers sink into her flesh and imagined the quintet of small red circles they’d leave behind. ‘For God’s sake, Lil. You can’t just run away, we need to talk. You need to let me explain.’
His voice was raised, exasperated. Lily shook herself free and ran across the road, car horns trailing behind her. She stumbled forwards into the park, Daniel close on her heels, calling her name.
Not sweetheart. Not darling. Just Lily.
She kept on running: past joggers, dog walkers, men in suits on mobile phones, women pushing strollers. She kept on running because while she ran, the world was a blur and she wasn’t yet ready to pull it into focus.
Ahead of her in the middle of the park was Belvedere Castle, like something out of a fairy tale. Lily ran towards it, up the steps, onto the terrace overlooking a lake, and found herself trapped with nowhere to run.
‘I’m sorry, Lil. I’m sorry.’
She could feel the heat of Daniel’s breath on her cheek but didn’t turn to look at him.
‘I didn’t want you to find out like this. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please believe that. It’s the last thing I wanted to do.’