Sitting in the vast empty auditorium of the Royal Albert Hall, Lily berated herself for having arrived so early.
She glanced at her watch: forty minutes to go. Most sensible people wouldn’t take their seats for another half an hour. An usher at one of the entrances caught her eye and smiled, and Lily forced herself to reciprocate before looking down at her phone and jabbing a finger at its screen.
She contemplated going to the bar, buying herself a glass of white wine, pretending she was the kind of person for whom that would be easy. But she knew she wouldn’t. She could comfortably stand on a podium in front of hundreds of people and deliver speeches but the prospect of sitting alone in a bar filled her with dread.
Her phone rang – loud and shrill – and she scrabbled to answer it. ‘Daniel, hi – I was just thinking about you.’
Lily slipped out of her seat and scurried out of the auditorium, into the corridor, where groups of people stood together, sharing bags of crisps and stories of their days.
‘Hey, Lil. How are you? Everything OK?’
‘Yes, fine. I’m already here, miles too early, of course.’ Lily laughed but it rang hollow in her ears.
‘Where?’
‘The Albert Hall. For Phoebe and Mum’s concert. You hadn’t forgotten, had you?’
There was a momentary pause. Next to Lily, a man cupped his hands around a woman’s face and kissed her gently on the lips. Lily turned away and pressed her palm against her free ear to hear Daniel better.
‘I thought that was next Saturday. Shit, sorry, I’m all over the place – it’s been one of those weeks. Wish Phoebe luck from me, won’t you? And your mum, of course.’
‘They’re backstage already. Why don’t you call Phoebe, or message her?’
Lily heard impatience in her voice and rushed to fill the silence. ‘Anyway, how’s work? The redundancy stuff my end is a nightmare. I wish they’d just be honest and say they’re getting rid of me instead of making me go through this ridiculous charade.’
‘It’s shitty, the way they’re treating you. I’m sorry. But you’ll find something else, something better. You know you will. You’re too good at your job not to.’
Lily thought about the meetings she’d already had with headhunters and how, at each one, she couldn’t muster any excitement about the prospect of marketing airlines or clothes or one brand of beer over another. ‘I’ve been thinking. You were right in what you said, before you left. It’s ridiculous that we spend so little time together. We give far too much time to our jobs and not enough to each other. And it’s not as if anyone’s genuinely grateful for all the hours we put in. So how about we carve out some proper time for each other? Why don’t I come out there for a week or two? I’ve got plenty of leave owing. We could act like proper tourists for a few days together. And then, when you get back, we should institute a proper date night: once a week, non-negotiable, whatever’s going on at work. Start putting ourselves – and each other – first, instead of always being slaves to our jobs. I think it could be just what we need.’
Her words tripped over each other, eager to escape before he had a chance to interrupt her.
Daniel was silent and Lily pressed the phone harder against her ear.
‘Are you still there? Did you hear all that?’
‘Yes, I heard. Look, it’s clearly not a good time to talk. You go and enjoy the concert and let’s speak another time.’
Something in Daniel’s tone made Lily grip the phone more tightly. ‘No, it’s fine. Like I said, it’s ages before the concert starts. You sound strange. What’s up?’
There was a pause.
‘Honestly, it’s nothing we need to talk about now. It’s just … Well, there’s an option for me to extend for another six months, that’s all.’
That’s all. Daniel’s unsentimental delivery hummed in Lily’s ears.
‘You’re thinking of staying there? For a whole year? What about us? What about Phoebe?’
Her voice began to fracture and she swallowed, trying to meld it back together.
‘Nothing’s been decided yet. I did say this wasn’t a good time to talk about it.’
The hairs on Lily’s arms bristled. She tried to imagine Daniel in an apartment she’d never seen, in a city she wasn’t living in, and was aware of fears she didn’t want to acknowledge needling her, demanding to be noticed. ‘This is just about work, isn’t it?’
‘What do you mean?’
Lily hesitated, wishing she’d bought herself a glass of wine, that she could take a few gulps before answering. ‘This isn’t … It’s not about us, is it?’
If the clamour of conversation in the corridor hadn’t been so loud – if there hadn’t been so much laughter, so many greetings, so much chatter – Lily might have been certain she’d heard a sigh at the other end of the line.
‘Of course it’s not. It’s about me trying to get made managing partner, just like we’ve always discussed, and which I’ve got a much better chance of achieving by working out here for a while.’
Lily tried to settle Daniel’s words in her head, tried to get them to sit down in a straight, orderly line, but they were jumping over one another like recalcitrant children. ‘I know that’s always been the plan. But still … when you left …’ She faltered, felt her courage turn around and start walking away. She knew that if she didn’t ask the question it would haunt her for days. She took a deep breath and forced the words out before her resolve disappeared. ‘There’s not someone else, is there?’
Her words were muted in her ears so that for a second she couldn’t be sure whether she’d said them out loud.
‘Of course not. Don’t be silly. It’s just work. Are you telling me that if you got an opportunity like this you wouldn’t jump at it?’
Lily tried to imagine herself upping sticks, moving to another continent, leaving Daniel and Phoebe at home by themselves, but it was so unlikely – absurd, almost – that she couldn’t begin to envisage it.
‘Lil, this clearly isn’t the time to discuss it. I’ll email later. It’s probably easier to lay out the details if I write it all down. It’ll give us time to think it through. I’ll call again tomorrow.’
‘But, Daniel—’
‘There’s someone at the door – I’d better go. Give Phoebe my love, won’t you? I hope it goes really well.’
‘Daniel—’
Lily pulled the phone from her ear, glanced at its screen, and saw the red icon informing her that the call was over. She leaned against the wall, her arms folded across her chest.
An extra six months. A year of living apart. The weeks flipped forward in her head. If Daniel stayed on he wouldn’t be home permanently until well into next year. Phoebe would have submitted her university applications. Lily would be in a new job. And she would almost certainly be an orphan.
Behind her, the kissing couple were discussing their honeymoon plans – South Africa, Botswana, Rwanda – and Lily headed further along the corridor, away from them.
The sound of children laughing made her look back. Two little girls were skipping towards her, holding hands, plaits bouncing over their shoulders. The way one of them smiled and ran first ahead dragging the other behind her caused Lily to stare at them with an uncanny sense of recognition.