my tired father sitting on the other couch, his face set in a frown.
Zade, Teddy, and Tanner stand before me, and I feel a tad like they’re
evaluating a patient with the way they’re staring at me.
Teddy and his son look nearly identical. Both with soft green eyes, laugh lines, and square jawlines. The only difference is that Teddy has significantly grayer hair, and more wrinkles. Unlike Dr. Garrison, his presence is soothing, despite the words coming from his mouth.
“She’s not out of the woods yet,” Teddy answers gently. “The bullet just barely missed her heart, but thankfully, it went clean through and missed vital organs. She lost a lot of blood, and she’s still in danger of infection. She’s going to be out for some time, but I want you all to know you’re more than welcome to stay here,” he explains, casting a look at Dad.
I nod, though I find little relief. She’s alive, but that could easily change.
“Do I need to give her blood or something?” I rasp, my throat just as dry as
my eyes.
“That’s okay, sweetheart. Your father is a match and kindly provided some, and I also have some bags of O negative stored if I should need it.”
Nodding again, I stand. “Can I see her?”
“Of course,” he acquiesces softly, lifting his arm to direct me forward.
“I’m going to check on Sibby,” Zade says, pointing over his shoulder.
Frowning, I ask, “How long has it been?” I don’t remember how long I cried
for until I eventually fell asleep in Zade’s arms.
“Only about three hours. She’s still sitting outside on the doorstep waiting for
her henchmen.”
Nodding, I turn and head for the room, heart in my throat. And when I open
the door and see her lying there so still and pale, I nearly choke on it.
The machine next to her beeps, her heart rate steady for now. There’s a chair
beside her already, assumingly where my dad was sitting. He stayed in the room
with her the entire time, and I feel a little guilty for that, too. I should’ve stayed with them.
But even now, being in here is threatening to send me back into that place with Dr. Garrison. I slide my hands through my hair, gripping the strands tightly in an effort to ground me. To keep me present.
I’m safe. Zade is right outside. And there isn’t an evil doctor trying to kidnap
me.
Blowing out a breath, I sit in the recliner, and grab my mother’s hand. It’s cool to the touch, but she feels… alive. Not cold and stiff like a corpse, which brings me a small amount of comfort.
“You want to know what really fucking sucks?” I begin softly. “When I came
home, there were a few times you had asked me to talk about what I went through, and I could never find the words to describe the terror of waking up to men holding you hostage, threatening to kill you. The unknown if you’re going
to live or die. I told you that you wouldn’t understand. But I suppose you know
what that feels like now, huh?
“And then, you’d try to explain to me the terror you felt when I was gone and not knowing whether I would live or die. And you said I’d never understand that, either… But that’s also not true anymore, is it?”
My eyes begin to burn again, and I release her hand to rub at them with the
heels of my palms, silently threatening myself to keep it together. I’m tired of crying. It’s fucking exhausting.
Once I feel like I have it somewhat together, I drop them and grab her hand
again.
“I’m holding your hand, but you’re still gone. And I don’t know whether
you’re ever going to wake up. So I feel it now. And that… that just really fucking sucks.”
I sniff, rubbing the pad of my thumb against her hand, not sure if I’m comforting her or myself at this point.
“Dad hates me now, too. So there’s that,” I whisper. “I’ve shacked up with a
criminal.”
I sputter out a weak laugh. “I’m a criminal. And I suppose that might be the
one thing Zade is responsible for. Turning me into a trained killer. But you know
what? I like it. I like being able to protect myself now. And I like that I don’t feel so weak anymore. Does that make me a bad person?”
I pause, frowning. “Don’t answer that. You’re going to ask me to stop. And
you’re going to tell me you want the old Addie back. But she’s gone, Mom. And
I know Dad disapproves of the new version of me, but I hope one day, you both will relearn to love who I’ve become.”
A single tear breaks free, and I curse the drop for betraying me. I quickly wipe it away, sniffling again.
“I’ll understand if you can’t. Sometimes I struggle with loving myself, too.
But you know the one person who will? Who will always love me
unconditionally? It’s my criminal boyfriend. And don’t you think that’s just fucking admirable?”
I smile without humor. “I think it’s only fair if we try, though. You decided that when I came home, I was worth loving as a broken shell of a person. I think you can learn to love me as someone who is fierce and strong, right? So now, I
want you to come home, and whatever version of yourself you wake up to be, and whatever version you grow into—I’ll love you, too.”
Chapter 40
The Diamond
“Let me talk to her,” I demand through the phone, plunging my trembling
hand through my hair.
“Addie, I’m tired of having this conversation. It’s best you give your mother
some space for now,” Dad answers, sounding exhausted.
“Then let’s stop having it!” I shout.
We’ve only been talking for one fucking minute, and it’s his own fault when
he won’t give the phone to my mother. I’ve tried every day since she’s been home, and he won’t give in. I even went as far as driving there, but he wouldn’t let me in.
Teddy kept her for over a week, monitoring her and slowly nursing her back
to health.
She was out cold nearly the entire time. And the few times she did wake, I don’t think she has much recollection of. She was mainly confused and disoriented, and in a lot of pain.
Dad, Zade, and I stayed by her side the entire week, while Sibby went home
with her henchmen. It took them four hours to reappear, and the second they did,