I heard Bernadette’s voice floating above me as I sank to the floor. “Didn’t you hear her? She said to let her go! Now get out of here.”
Through the hazy edges of my vision, I saw Bernadette confronting the reporter. What was she doing here? I didn’t remember her being in the crowd earlier.
Wilson held his hands up. “Hey, I just wanted to ask her another question! She’s the one that attacked me. And aren’t you wanted for murder, anyway? This wouldn’t have happened if she’d just answered my questions about you.”
Beth and Sana joined Bernadette and they all stared Wilson down. “We all saw you put your hands on her and you were the one who refused to let go when she asked. Now get out of here. You’re not welcome to any more of the pageant events and your editor will be hearing about this.” Beth turned away, dismissing him, and Bernadette helped Sana pick me up off the floor and ease me onto a chair.
My breaths were coming in short gasps and I couldn’t get my heart to slow down—it’s like my body couldn’t register that I wasn’t in danger anymore. It wasn’t until I heard Detective Park’s voice that I came back to myself. Bernadette was surprising enough, but when did he get here? He was pressing a bottle of water into my hands and speaking in a soothing voice, the same kind you’d use if you were talking to an injured animal.
“Hey, Lila, it’s OK, it’s just me. Now I want you to focus on me. Good. Now name five things that you can see.”
I was too muddled to question him or his sudden appearance, so I followed his odd directive. “Uh, a water bottle. You. Beth’s shoes.” I paused, my hand moving toward my chest. “My jade necklace.”
“That’s good, just one more thing. You’re doing a great job.”
My eyes focused on Bernadette next to him. “Ate Bernie? What are you doing here?”
Detective Park waved my attention back to him. “Perfect! That’s five things. How do you feel now? And yes, that’s Bernadette. She’s the one who called me.”
“Called you for what?”
“Bernadette said there was a problem at the pageant and you needed help. Right after that, Mr. Philipps called to say you assaulted him. I’d like to hear your side of the story.”
“I was walking away and he—he grabbed me. Only I didn’t know it was him. I just felt his hand on my arm, and it was gripping me so tight, and I . . .” I trailed off as the memory made me shudder.
“And you just reacted?” Detective Park guessed.
I nodded. “Next thing I know, I heard Bernadette yelling at him. I’m not sure what happened.”
Sana spoke up. “Bernadette did some sort of pressure-point grip to his shoulder and he let go of you. Then Beth kicked him out and said he was banned from future events.”
I looked around to thank Beth but she was nowhere to be found. “Where’d she go?”
“She left after the reporter. I stayed behind to make sure you were OK,” Sana said. “Do you still want to come to class? I understand if you want a rain check.”
That’s right, I’d promised to go to one of her fitness classes. That wasn’t happening now. I managed a weak smile. “A rain check sounds good. Thanks, Sana. And thanks for sticking around.”
“Don’t mention it.” She returned the smile before leaving me with Detective Park and Bernadette.
“So what are you doing here?” I asked Bernadette. My mind was finally clearing, and more than the anger I felt toward her and her mother’s behavior the other night, I was also embarrassed. Of all the people to see me have a breakdown. Was this going to be fodder for our next argument? My recent panic attacks had all taken place when I was alone, so I didn’t have to deal with people fussing over me. Now I was completely exposed in front of the man who wanted to send me to a shrink and the woman who’d been looking to exploit my weaknesses all our lives.
Bernadette didn’t answer, just grabbed my wrist and looked at her watch. “Hm, your blood pressure is elevated, but you don’t seem to be at risk. Is this your first time having a panic attack?”
I snatched my wrist away. “I asked you what you were doing here.”
She put her hands on her hips. “I wanted to cheer on Joy, of course.”
“Don’t you have a job?”
Bernadette refused to meet my eyes. “They still don’t want me coming in to work. Thought I might as well make myself useful and be there for Joy.”
That’s right, Jae had mentioned that the other day. That job meant everything to her. Still, I refused to let myself be taken in by her when she hadn’t even apologized for the night before. “Hmm, that’s a shame. Good luck with the investigation.”
“Lila . . .” Bernadette rocked back and forth slightly, as if preparing to jump off a high dive. “What my mom said . . . she didn’t mean it. About Tita Cecilia. We loved your mom, you know that.”
I hefted my bag higher up on my shoulder and crossed my arms. “Is this supposed to be an apology? Because it kinda sounds like one, yet you’re missing a super important part. Two little words?”
Bernadette sighed and rolled her eyes, but said what I wanted to hear. “I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“Um, my mom talking bad about your mom?”
“You know that’s not the only thing you have to apologize for, right?”
She threw up her hands. “Look, Lila, this is hard for me. You know how dysfunctional our moms’ relationship was. You know I’m not the only one who had to deal with their mom’s unrealistic expectations. Can’t you cut me some slack here? I mean, your mom messed you up too, you know.”
I reached into my bag to pull out my keys. “You know what, forget it. If you can’t even apologize when you’re clearly in the wrong, that’s on you. I don’t have time for this.”
“Lila!” Bernadette called after me, but I ran out to the parking lot and she was smart enough to not come after me.
Detective Park had exited before me and was waiting in the lot, his car parked right next to mine. “Do you need me to give you a ride home?” he asked.
“I think I’m good. Just need a minute.” I took a few gulps from the water bottle he’d given me earlier and the angry buzzing of Bernadette’s words began to fade. “Feeling better already.”
“Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“What do you mean? I just told you what happened. And the Bernadette thing is family business, not yours.”
Detective Park nodded. “Understood. But I meant your reaction to the reporter, Lila. That’s a classic symptom of PTSD.”
“I’m fine.”
“Have you called Dr. Kang yet?” He paused. “Look, I don’t want to pry, but Rosie told me a bit about your mom and your connection to these pageants. I wouldn’t want this investigation to trigger—”
“I said I was fine, Detective! Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go lie down for a bit.”