Why did I have to mention Mitzi?
Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut?
Ted pulls me close and lets me rest my head on his chest. “Listen, it’s okay, you were just being honest. But when it comes to raising children, the mother is always right. Even when she’s wrong. Do you know what I mean?”
“I’m just worried—”
“Leave the worrying to Caroline. She’ll worry enough for the both of you. She’s very protective of Teddy, haven’t you noticed? We struggled a long time to have him. It was a lot of work. And the ordeal—I guess it left her feeling insecure. Now, on top of all that, she’s gone back to work—a whole new reason to feel guilty! So anytime something goes wrong, my wife takes it very personally.”
I hadn’t considered this before, but everything Ted is saying rings true. In the mornings, when Caroline is running out the door for work, she always seems guilty about leaving the house. Maybe even jealous that I’m the person who gets to stay home and bake cupcakes with Teddy. I’ve been so busy admiring Caroline, I’ve never stopped to think that she might be envious of me.
I’ve managed to catch my breath and stop crying. Ted seems anxious to get back to his house, to check on his wife, and I have one more request before he goes. I hand him the three drawings, absolving myself of all responsibility. “Would you mind taking these? So I don’t have to look at them anymore?”
“Of course.” Ted folds the pages in half and then rips them into pieces. “You’ll never have to see these pictures again.”
10
I sleep poorly and wake up feeling awful. Caroline Maxwell has treated me better than I deserve—she’s welcomed me into her home, she’s trusted me with her child, she’s given me everything I need to start a new life—and I can’t stand knowing she’s angry with me. I lie in bed imagining a hundred different ways to say I’m sorry. And eventually I can’t put it off any longer, I have to get out of bed and face her.
When I arrive at the main house, Teddy’s down under the kitchen table, dressed in his pajamas, playing with his Lincoln Logs. Caroline’s at the kitchen sink, washing the breakfast dishes, and I offer to take over. “Also, I wanted to say I’m sorry.”
Caroline turns off the water. “No, Mallory, I’m sorry. I had too much wine, and I was wrong to blow up at you. It’s been bothering me all morning.”
She opens her arms and we hug and we both apologize again, at the same time. And then we’re laughing together and I know everything is going to be fine.
“You’re still welcome here in the main house,” she reminds me. “You could take the bedroom next to Teddy’s. I’d only need a day to get it ready.”
But I don’t want to cause her any more inconvenience. “The cottage is perfect,” I tell her. “I love it out there.”
“Okay, but if you change your mind—”
I take the dish towel from her hand and nod at the clock on the microwave oven. It’s 7:27 and I know Caroline likes to be on the road by 7:35, before the traffic turns horrendous. “Let me finish,” I tell her. “Go have a great day.”
So Caroline leaves for work and I get down to business. There isn’t really much to clean—just a few cups and cereal bowls, and the wineglasses from the night before. After I load everything into the dishwasher, I get down on my hands and knees and crawl under the kitchen table. Teddy has built a two-story farmhouse out of Lincoln Logs, and now he’s surrounding it with tiny plastic animals.
“What are we playing?”
“They’re a family. They live together.”
“Can I be the pig?”
He shrugs. “If you want.”
I push the pig around the other animals and make it beep-beep-beep like a car. Normally Teddy loves this joke. He loves it when I make the animals honk like a truck or choo-choo like a train. But this morning he just turns his back to me. And, of course, I know what’s wrong.
“Teddy, listen. I want to talk about last night. I think your daddy misunderstood me. Because I love all your drawings. Even the ones with Anya. I always look forward to seeing your pictures.”
Teddy pushes a plastic cat up a table leg, like it’s climbing a tree. I try to move in front of him, try to force eye contact, but he swivels away. “I want you to keep sharing your drawings, okay?”
“Mommy says no.”
“But I’m saying you can. It’s fine.”
“She says you’re not well, and scary pictures could make you sick again.”
I sit up so fast I bang my head on the bottom of the table. The pain is white hot and for the next few moments I can’t move. I just squeeze my eyes shut and hold my hand to my scalp.
“Mallory?”
I open my eyes and I realize I finally have his attention. He looks frightened. “I’m fine,” I tell him. “And I need you to listen very carefully. There’s nothing you can do that would make me sick. You don’t have to worry. I am one hundred percent fine.”
Teddy gallops a horse up my leg and parks it on my knee. “Is your head okay?”
“My head is fine,” I tell him, even though it’s throbbing like crazy and I can feel a bump swelling on my scalp. “I just need to put something on it.”
I spend the next few minutes sitting at the kitchen table, pressing a sandwich bag of ice to the top of my skull. Down at my feet, Teddy is pretend-playing with all his different farm animals. Each creature has its own distinct voice and personality. There’s stubborn Mr. Goat and bossy Mama Hen, a brave black stallion and a silly baby duckling, more than a dozen characters in all.
“I don’t want to do my chores,” the horse says.
“But rules are rules,” Mama Hen tells him. “We all have to follow the rules!”
“It’s not fair,” Mr. Goat complains.
On and on it goes—the conversation pivots from chores to lunch to a secret treasure buried in the forest behind the barn. I’m impressed by Teddy’s ability to remember all the different characters and their voices. But, of course, this is what Ted and Caroline have been saying all along: Their son has an extremely active imagination. End of story.
* * *
Later that afternoon, when Teddy goes to his bedroom for Quiet Time, I wait a few minutes then follow him upstairs. By the time I press my ear to the door of his bedroom, he’s already in the middle of a conversation.
“… or we could build a fort.”
“..….….….…”
“Or play tag.”
“..….….….…”
“No, I can’t. I’m not allowed.”
“..….….….….….….….…”
“They said I can’t.”
“..….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….……..….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….…”
“I’m sorry but—”
“..….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….……..….….….….….….….….….….….….….….……”
“I don’t understand.”
“..….….….….….….….….….….….…. .”
Then he laughs, like she’s proposed something ridiculous. “I guess we could try?”
“..….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….….…”