Heroes Are My Weakness: A Novel

Chapter Twenty-one

ANNIE HAD NEVER HEARD ANYTHING as beautiful as those faint, hesitant words. I’m right here. She couldn’t spoil this . . .

“Livia,” Scamp whispered. “Is that really you?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I thought I was alone, with only Annie.”

“I’m here, too.” Livia’s newfound voice had a rusty little rasp from lack of use.

“That makes me feel better.” Scamp sniffed. “Are you scared?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Me, too. I’m glad I’m not the only one.”

“You’re not.” She couldn’t fully form her r sounds, and they came out more as w’s, the sound substitution so sweet it constricted Annie’s heart.

“Do you want to stay here longer, or are you ready to leave?” Scamp asked.

A long pause. “I don’t know.”

Annie reined in her apprehension and made herself wait. Long seconds ticked by.

“Scamp?” Livia finally said. “Are you still there?”

“I’m thinking,” Scamp said. “And I think you need to talk this over with a grown-up. Is it okay if I send Annie to find you?”

Annie waited, afraid she’d pushed too far. But Livia responded with a quiet “Okay.”

“Annie!” Scamp called out. “Come over here, please. Livia needs to talk to you. Livia, I’m very cold, and I’m going to get some hot chocolate. And a dill pickle. I’ll meet you later.”

Annie waded around the rock, praying that her appearance wouldn’t make Livia mute again. Livia still had her knees pulled to her chest. Her head was down, her hair hiding her face.

Annie wasn’t sure if Jaycie could hear that Livia was safe, but she was afraid to call out for fear of sending Livia spiraling backward. “Hey, goofball,” she said.

Livia finally lifted her head.

What had driven a child who was afraid of the dark to come in here? Only something deeply traumatic. Yet when Annie had found her on the beach, Livia had been more petulant than traumatized. Something had to have happened after that, but other than Theo appearing—

Right then Annie understood.

Even though her teeth were chattering, and the ledge was too shallow for any kind of comfort, she hoisted herself up. Wedging in as best she could, she wrapped her arm around the child. Livia smelled of musty ocean, little girl sweat, and shampoo. “Did you know that Scamp is mad at me?” Annie asked.

Livia shook her head.

Annie waited, ignoring the blade of rock digging into her shoulder, holding Livia close, but not explaining.

Finally, Livia’s jaw moved against Annie’s arm. “What’d you do?”

That voice! That dear little voice. “Scamp said you came in here because you heard Theo and me arguing. That’s why she’s mad at me. Because we argued in front of you, and arguments between grown-ups scare you.”

A barely imperceptible nod against her shoulder.

“It’s because of the bad way your dad used to hurt your mommy and because of how your dad died.” Annie made the pronouncement as matter-of-factly as she could.

“It scared me.” A heartbreaking sniffle.

“Sure it did. It would have scared me, too. Scamp told me I should have explained to you that just because grown-ups argue doesn’t always mean something bad will happen. Like when Theo and I argue. We like to argue. But we’d never hurt each other.”

Livia cocked her head at Annie, taking that in.

Annie could have lifted her down and waded out with her, but she hesitated. What else could she say to undo the damage? She traced her thumb along Livia’s cheek. “Sometimes people argue. Kids and grown-ups. For instance, your mommy and I had an argument today. It was my fault, and I’m going to tell her I’m sorry.”

“You and Mommy?” Livia said.

“I was confused about something. But here’s the thing, Livia. If you get scared every time you hear somebody argue, you’ll be scared a lot, and none of us want you to feel like that.”

“But Theo’s voice was really loud.”

“Mine, too. I was very mad at him.”

“You could shoot him with a gun,” Livia said, trying to sort out a situation that was too complicated for her.

“Oh, no, I would never do that.” Annie tried to find another way. Hesitated. “Can I have a free secret?”

“Uh-huh.”

Annie rested her cheek against the top of Livia’s head. “I love Theo,” she whispered. “And I could never love anybody who tried to hurt me. But that doesn’t mean I can’t get mad at him.”

“You love Theo?”

“It’s my free secret, remember?”

“I remember.” The sweet sound of her breathing hummed in Annie’s ears. She wiggled. “Can I have a free secret?”

“Sure.” Annie braced herself, afraid of what was coming next.

Livia turned her head to gaze up at Annie. “I didn’t like Scamp’s song.”

Annie laughed and kissed her forehead. “We won’t tell her.”