“If I have to pay rent, it’s going to be for the place of my choosing,” he told Kimmy that night after he’d picked her up and they’d blown off steam by throwing back a few beers in Mikey’s garage. “Let’s get our own place,” he said.
Kimmy had been in midswallow. She set the beer can down on the garage floor and looked at Josh, a big smile on her face. No one had ever committed to her like that. There would be no more sneaking around. No more wishing they didn’t have to say good-bye at the end of the night. It would be their place.
The start of their life together.
Josh didn’t give much thought to how they’d pay for the roof they’d be solely responsible for putting over their heads. Between the two of them, they’d have plenty of money. Maybe not enough to buy two pairs of shoes at once, but enough to get by. At that moment, nothing mattered but Kimmy and how much he loved her.
“You’re whipped, man,” Mikey yelled.
He looked into Kimmy’s eyes. “Marry me,” he said. “Be my wife.”
“Really?” she said.
“Really.”
“Yes,” she said, jumping into his arms. “Yes, yes, yes!”
Their friends cheered them on with the youthful enthusiasm found only in those at the foothills of their adult life, before the arduous climb toward a nine-to-five. Before mortgages and 401(k)s and babies, when life was still mostly unencumbered. It was partying and believing that your friends were the most important thing in your life. It was sleeping until noon on the weekend. It was doing whatever the hell you wanted in the present because the future seemed so far away. And so he and Kimmy made one of the most momentous decisions of their young lives with the fearless optimism of two people who didn’t know what they didn’t know.
* * *
“So, that’s it?” the disappointed woman sitting across from Josh asked. “You’re only interested in dating. No hope of a long-term commitment?” It was as if Josh had announced he’d rather chop off his finger than walk down the aisle again.
“You’re the first woman I’ve set up a date with,” he said. “My divorce isn’t even final yet. I’m not trying to hide that or anything. The marriage is over. I’m just waiting on the paperwork.”
“Then why are you doing this?”
This? Josh thought. You mean going out for a couple of drinks? Because it seemed like maybe she meant, Why are you wasting my time?
“I just thought it would be nice to meet someone who might want to catch a movie sometime. Or meet for drinks. Maybe dinner. I’m sorry if I misled you.”
She recovered quickly. “Oh, yeah. Me too. I was just curious.”
“I was with my ex-wife for nineteen years.” It blew his mind sometimes that he’d spent more than half of his entire life with Kimmy.
“I get it. You’ve done all of this already.” She picked up her glass and drained it. “It’s just that I’ll be thirty-five in a few months and, well, I go to a lot of wedding and baby showers.” She squared her shoulders in a way that told him there would probably not be any movie dates in their future.
The second woman Josh met for drinks—coffee late on a Saturday afternoon—was a tall blonde who was working on her Ph.D. in biostatistics at the University of Minnesota. She spent most of her time in Minneapolis.
“I’m looking for something long-distance. I’m really committed to my studies right now, but I still need an emotional connection. I want someone I can count on to be there at the end of the day,” she said. “I can text, email, Skype, whatever. That’s not a problem.”
“I’m not really a phone or email person,” Josh said. “I’m actually looking to get out of the house a little more.”
“Good to know,” she said, and Josh could almost see the word “next” hovering in a little thought bubble above her head.
He felt like he’d fallen into some twisted modern-day version of “Goldilocks and the Three Bears.” This porridge wants a timeline for commitment. This porridge wants a commitment but doesn’t require your physical presence. Maybe the last bowl of porridge would be a match?
The third woman was cheerful and bouncy, with blond hair that had pink and green streaks on the ends. She showed up for their smoothie date wearing her workout clothes and said she was on her way to the gym. He liked that she wasn’t decked out in a full face of makeup and that her hair was up in a ponytail. She seemed very down-to-earth, with a natural kind of beauty that appealed to him.
“So, you like smoothies too,” she said after they ordered and took their drinks to a corner table.
“They’re okay, I guess.” He felt indifferent toward smoothies and would never seek one out on his own, but she’d suggested the location and he’d been fine with it.
She took a sip of her smoothie. “These are kind of crap. I know of a much better smoothie,” she said, leaning toward him. “A real protein-packed, antioxidant-rich superfood. With hemp oil. I don’t start my day without one.”
“You must really like smoothies.”
“I do, but I also wanted to meet you here, so you’d have something to compare to our smoothies.”
“Your smoothies? You mean the kind you have every morning?”
“Yes. I’m a personal trainer, but I’m also fiercely dedicated to sharing this wonderful product with everyone I can. It’s life-changing.”
What exactly is happening, he thought.
“I’ll send you the product info. What’s your email address?”
“Can’t you just tell me while we’re sitting here across from each other?”
“No. That’s not how it works. But trust me when I say this is the opportunity of a lifetime. We’ve recently added CBD to our smoothies. The whole CBD product line is about to explode. Most of us will be able to retire in less than five years.” Josh didn’t know if the smoothies were responsible for her glowing skin and natural beauty and he didn’t care to stick around to find out. She’d started to go a little crazy in the eyes and he didn’t need any of that.
He stood up. “Well, I need to get going. Good luck with the smoothies.”
She pushed her chair back with a scrape and scrambled to catch up with him. “I still need your email address.”
“No, you don’t,” he said, and kept on walking.
When he got home, he kicked off his shoes, flopped down on the couch, and texted his brother. Online dating is a raging dumpster fire.
His brother responded, It’s a numbers game. You need to keep at it for a while. Our very own brother met his wife this way. Don’t give up!
Josh deleted the app. He didn’t know if he ever wanted to get married again, and he could watch movies at home.
chapter 20
Layla