He Who Fights with Monsters 5: A LitRPG Adventure

“I’m just glad I didn’t handle you in the alley,” Growl said. “Mr Asano wouldn’t have been happy once he knew you really were family.”

“No worries,” Jason said. “I wouldn’t have beaten you up too badly.”

Taika laughed and Growl nodded at the door Jason had just emerged from.

“What did you do to the guys inside?” Growl asked. “You scared the crap out of them.”

“It’s a body language trick,” Jason said. “It triggers instinctual fear reactions.”

“I told you, bro,” Taika said. “He learned secret kung fu in the mountains. I’ll go get a car.”

“We’ll take mine,” Jason said, nodding at the black car pulling up in front of the bar. Shade was no longer in his previous sports car form. Now he arrived as a sleek but roomy four-door sedan with sharply aggressive lines.

“That’s a choice ride,” Taika said. “You got a driver or something?”

“Or something,” Jason said.

In the dark and the rain, the windows looked like black glass, and they couldn’t see inside. Jason went around to the driver side door and Taika opened the passenger door. He looked around the interior of the car.

“You got one of them self-driving cars,” Taika said. “I didn’t know you could buy them here.”

“I know a guy,” Jason said. “It’s not strictly allowed, though, so keep it under your hat, yeah?”

“No worries,” Taika said and clambered inside. The massive Māori man was a snug fit but settled in comfortably. “This is nice. These seats are really plush.”

Taika directed Jason on a short drive to what looked like a dilapidated brick building, but the heavy security door had a gleaming keypad beside it. Taika punched in a code, telling Jason what it was so he could come and go freely. The interior was a stark contrast with the outside; the old brick storehouse had been renovated into a modern, open-plan townhouse. The downstairs was divided into sections by furniture, gym equipment, free-standing bookcases, and a quartz-top kitchen island. The floors were polished wood and a set of stairs led to a mezzanine upper level.

“There’s one bathroom through that door,” Taika pointed out, “and one more upstairs with the bedrooms.”

Taika pointed out the computer tablet on the wall.

“All the smart home functions go through that tablet,” he said. “There’s a computer upstairs, but I’ll bring a laptop and phone in the morning. There’s food in the fridge and you can order delivery through the tablet.”

“Thanks. I’ll have to thank Uncle Hiro for putting me up somewhere nice.”

“I think he’ll be happy having you around for a bit,” Taika said. “I know he regrets being estranged from family.”

“I know the feeling,” Jason said. “Do you have family nearby, Taika?”

“I do, yeah. Me and my brother got caught up in some gang stuff back in New Zealand. Dad got us out and brought us over here. Mum’s happy, so he’s happy. Now I do security and site management for Mr Asano.”

“You like working for my uncle?”

“It’s honest work, mostly,” Taika said. “Mr Asano runs the legit businesses. It’s good to have someone out front with clean hands, yeah? We even work with the cops sometimes.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, bro. If some politician’s rich white kid takes some dodgy eccies and has a seizure, the cops get it worse than we do. There’s no stopping the party drugs, so they look the other way and we make sure they find the blokes flogging off the bad stuff. The cops get to make some arrests and we stay out of trouble.”

“Good to know. Thanks, Taika.”

“Boss said that I’m at your disposal for as long as you’re in town. I’ll have that phone and computer for you in the morning. If you need anything tonight, I’m in the apartment building next door, in 2C. Your uncle lives in the penthouse.”

Jason waited until Shade, who had a body hidden in Taika’s shadow, told him that the big man had arrived in his apartment.

“Alright,” Jason said. “Let’s go out.”





When Taika entered the townhouse in the morning, he found that Jason had moved the dining table to create a central open space, which he was making use of. Wearing loose pants and a plain tank top, Jason went through a graceful and deliberate kata with an impressive sword in his hand. The sound system was playing some kind of meditative music.

Jason gave no indication of having noticed Taika’s arrival, which was novel to Taika. Most people reacted to the arrival of a hundred and fifty kilos of Māori. Taika moved to the lounge area and placed the phone and laptop boxes he carried onto the coffee table. He glanced at the gym equipment in the corner, noticing it had been moved since the previous night. All the weights had been set to maximum, which even Taika would have trouble with.

Taika had taken the laptop and phone out and was setting them up when Jason walked over. Taika looked around but no longer saw the sword.

“I knew I was right about the secret kung fu. That was a sweet-looking kata.”

“It’s more of a meditative sword dance,” Jason said.

Taika gave him an assessing look, glancing at the door.

“I didn’t see your car outside.”

“It’ll be there if I need it.”

“You’re a mysterious guy, bro.”

Jason flashed a grin.

“I just fake it for the ladies.”

Taika laughed as he handed Jason the phone.

“I put my number in the contacts, along with your uncle and current numbers for your parents, your sister and your brother-in-law.”

“Not my brother or my sister-in-law?”

“Mr Asano said that might be touchy.”

“It’s fine,” Jason said. “Put them in.”

“No worries,” Taika said. He took back the phone and programmed in two more numbers he read from his own phone.

“All done. Mr Asano never did say what the issue was exactly,” Taika said leadingly.

“I used to be in a relationship with my now sister-in-law, before she married my brother,” Jason said.

“Your brother married your ex? That’s not cool. How long after you were with her did they get together?”

“During.”

“Oh, damn. That sucks, bro.”

“Agreed.”

“So is there anything you want to do today?” Taika asked. “I’ve set up an appointment with a lawyer this afternoon so you can sort out the legal stuff about you not being dead anymore. Mr Asano wants to have dinner with you, and you can talk about what you asked him for then.”

“Thanks. I think I’ll spend the day on the internet, catching up on what I missed.”

“You’ve been away for a year and a half, yeah?”

“Yep. No TV, no movies, no internet. Not even a radio.”

“Damn. You missed the last season of Game of Thrones.”

“Was it any good?”

“It was real good. Extending it to thirteen episodes so they could properly develop the climax was a smart move, after how much they’d been rushing things.”

“Last I heard, they were cutting it down to six episodes.”

“Someone leaked the scripts and the internet went crazy. Something about everyone turning dumb, evil or both. They rewrote the whole thing and everyone really liked how it turned out.”

“Nice.”

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