Dean has been one of my favorite characters. He lights up every page he’s on. When I need a hit of humor, I bring him into the scene, and he always delivers. I have to admit that my husband is right too. There are a lot of places where Dean and I differ. I’m not a flaming extrovert. I’m not the life of the party. I’m not constantly showing off my abs (maybe, if I had abs…).
But I get that urge to make people laugh. To shrug off shit that bothers you. To pretend you’re invulnerable. If no one knows you hurt, no one knows how to hurt you.
This was my first time writing an enemies to lovers book. Chloe and Dean are never enemies, exactly, more like rivals, but, it was still so much fun exploring that dynamic. I knew Dean needed a bad ass heroine, and Chloe really delivered. She’s tough as nails. Sharp and guarded, but willing to let her guard down. That’s where her strength really is, what real strength is—the willingness to be vulnerable.
It’s something I’ve gotten better at as I’ve gotten older, but it’s always a struggle.
It’s the sharp parts that are the most fun (in life and in books). Writing Dean and Chloe’s banter, watching her bite back, was pure joy. I love sharp, guarded characters. (If that isn’t obvious already). I love her determination and her fearlessness.
Cancer is a weird topic. It’s there in the popular culture, but it often feels like a concept more than an illness. Like it’s a way of exploring the idea of life and loss. I hope this didn’t feel like one of those “cancer books.” I watched both of my parents survive cancer (one very treatable, one incredibly aggressive). Most of my information comes from their experiences, and from mine. It’s not easy trying to soothe someone when you’re just as terrified as they are. I wanted to explore that element of illness—the way we all try, and sometimes fail, to hold each other up.
Though, I suppose, all my books are about the way we try and sometimes fail to help and understand each other.
I dedicated this book to my husband to tease him. (He really hates Dean). But also because he’s always holding me up. He’s exactly the person I want by my side when times are tough. If I ever have to go through illness, I want him to be the person there, holding my hand.
This book is for him. But it’s also for all the survivors out there. And for everyone who fought like hell and didn’t make it.
As always, thanks for reading. I hope I’ll see you soon for Emma and Hunter’s book, Breaking the Rules.
Love, Crystal
Acknowledgements
My first thanks goes to my husband, for his support when I’m lost in bookland and for generally being the sun in my sky. Sweetheart, you’re better than all the broken bad boys in the world.
The second goes to my father, for insisting I go to the best film school in the country, everything else be damned. I wouldn’t love movies, writing, or storytelling half as much if not for all our afternoon trips to the bookstore and weekends at the movies. You’ve always been supportive of my goals, and that means the world to me.
A big shout out to all my beta readers. You helped give me the confidence to put out a book a little more heartbreaking than usual. And also to my ARC readers for helping spread the word to everyone else in the world.
A special thanks to my fellow pop-punk addict, Molle, for fangirling over music with me, for talking me through my business decisions, and for reminding me that loving my work matters as much as all the marketing money in the world.
Athena Wright, you are the best author friend a girl could ask for. Thank you for your feedback, for being my chat buddy, and for always being there to give me the perspective I need. And thank you for mocking me when I deserve it and telling me no when I need to hear it.
Thanks so much to my editor Marla, my designers Okay Creations and Tempting Illustrations, and to all my beta readers.
As always, my biggest thanks goes to my readers. Thank you for picking up Hating You, Loving You. I hope you’ll be back for Breaking the Rules (Emma and Hunter’s book), coming this fall.
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Breaking the Rules - Special Preview
Emma
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Please note: This text has not yet been edited.
There's something wrong with my brother. Seriously. There isn't a single spec of dust in the living room/ kitchen/ dining room combo. Every dish is in its place. The stainless steel fridge is shiny and bright. The black leather couch is spotless.
If it weren't for the sound of the shower upstairs, I'd swear this place was uninhabited.
"Brendon." I kick off my work flats. Move across the living room. Up the stairs. My fingers trail the railing. Then it's the tips of my red nails. "Can we talk?" I swallow the I need to beg you for a favor, though we both know it's not really a favor to ask if I can stay in my bedroom.
The shower turns off as I step into my old bedroom. It's no longer a beautiful disaster. No clothes on the floor. No electric purple comforter askew. No lyrics scribbled on the desk.
It's an Ikea showroom.
Not Emma Kane's bedroom.
The bathroom door opens.
Footsteps move into the hallway.
"Seriously, Brendon. What the hell is this?" I turn to the noise. Pull my bedroom door open.
But that's not my brother.
It's…
Fuck.
I try to force myself to make eye contact, but I can't.
He's dripping wet.
Naked.
Huge.
"Emma?" His voice is the same as it always was.
It brings me back to a million afternoons here.
His devilish smile.
The spark in his bright blue eyes.
The way he'd wink when I caught him and Brendon drinking out on the patio.
But what the hell is Hunter doing here?
Naked.
And dripping wet.
And incredibly huge.
I try to pull my gaze from his crotch.
Fail.
I'm going to die of embarrassment.
I'm going to die right here in the hallway, no college degree in hand, no boutique kicking ass, no reports of excellence.
I'm going to die of embarrassment and my tombstone is going to say Emma Kane, full of untapped potential, disappointment to her late parents, and especially to her brother.
At least she had great hair.
"Fuck. Sorry." He turns and marches into the bathroom.
I try to peel my eyes up his body, but I can't.
He's so naked.
And I'm so…
Into it.
After that…
It's been weird with guys. Different. Uncomfortable.
But seeing Hunter naked…
I don't know.
It's been a long time. Years.
But he was Brendon's best friend for a long time. And he was always good to me.
He consoled me after my first rejection.
He taught me every swear word I know.
Gave me my first sip of booze.
I had a huge crush on him.
Dreamed about kissing him.
And then about more.
About so much more.
"You okay?" He steps into the hallway.
Finally, my eyes obey my command. They trace a line up his long, lean torso. The dreamcatcher tattoo on his chest. The strong chin. The piercing blue eyes. They're familiar and they're so fucking intense.
They're staring into me.
Through me.
"Emma?" He asks again. With extra concern. "Are you okay?" His voice drops to something closer to a whisper.
It's not even remotely close to a baby, I want you whisper, but that's still where my head goes.
He's only wearing a towel.
And he's still so wet.
I…
He…
God, he's beautiful.
"What are you doing here?" I press my palm against the door frame. Dig my toes into the carpet. Whatever my control freak brother wants to believe, this is my house too.
"Brendon didn't explain?"
"No."
"I'm staying here for a few weeks."
I just barely nod.
"And I'm filling in at Inked Hearts. While he's in New Jersey."
"Oh." It's the only thing I can say. Of course the one guy who makes me blush is the one filling in at Inked Hearts. Of course he's house sitting the one time I want to stay here. "That's great."