I had not yet told Sukey that on our crawl for the swamp, I had lost our supply of bread and cheese. What, I wondered, would we do for food? Fortunately, the tea-colored water surrounding us was drinkable, and though we all had an earlier fill of it, I now slipped out for more.
A wide shaft of light traveled down the incredible height of the trees. I might have seen a certain beauty in it had I not been so anxious. I went to the water’s edge and knelt on a mass of ferns, there to cup my hands and slurp up the brown water. Then, as I splashed my face, Sukey quietly joined me. She hunched down to drink, but when she leaned over, she gave a startled yelp. I sprang up, thinking she had seen something I had not.
She avoided looking at me as she awkwardly rose to her feet and I went cold when her hands gripped her swollen abdomen. Was it possible that she was ready to give birth?
Pan suddenly emerged from the cave. “Hey, Mr. Burton! You give me a scare,” he said, rushing to my side. “I woke up and thought you went without me!”
His eyes followed Sukey walking heavily back toward the cave. She stopped at a nearby tree and broke off a small branch—about a foot long and one to two inches in diameter—and took it with her as she crawled into the cave.
Why did she want that stick? Did she mean to kill the child? I had heard of Negroes doing things like that. Bile rose in me. What kind of mother would do that? I must leave now! Without her! I sat arguing with myself while Pan squatted beside me, studying my face. “You think she gonna have that baby?” he asked. “Mr. Burton! What we gonna do with a baby?”
I shook my head in response while trying to think clearly. From inside the cave came a sharp cry of pain. “Stay here,” I said to Pan, then went back into the cave. Sukey met me with a loud moan.
“Quiet! You must be quiet!” I stared at her as my eyes adjusted to the dark.
She clapped her hands over her mouth, but when she tried to shift again, a low animal sound escaped from under her hand. She looked at me in apology.
I looked away, but she waved me forward and then tapped at my clenched fist. Though dreading the message, I gave her access. “Baby coming,” she wrote.
I pulled back my hand and rubbed the palm with my thumb as though to erase the message. This was impossible! We couldn’t journey out with a newborn. We both knew it.
Without warning, her body stiffened. Dear God! I thought. She is having the child! I rubbed my face with my hands. What to do! I must leave before they hear her and find us! Yes—yes! I would take Pan and leave!
As though she read my thoughts, Sukey grabbed at my hand, and her torn fingernails scratched into my palm, “Take baby.” I stared at her hand as she wrote it again. “Take baby.”
What did she mean? Take Pan? But no, she had said “baby.” Did she actually expect me, a man who knew nothing about childbirth, to somehow deliver a child and then flee with it? The idea was insane. I wouldn’t sacrifice my life like this! I scuttled to the opening and glanced back at her beseeching eyes.
When Sukey stiffened again and gave a muffled cry, I leaped from the cave.
CHAPTER FORTY
1830
Sukey
THE CHILD’S BEEN coming since early today, and sure enough, just like I was afraid, Jamie goes running off without me. From the start, I see he don’t want nothing to do with me, ’cause I see him as colored and he knows, being with me, he’s pegged for a nigra.
When Jamie goes, it’s easy to decide. Without him, I got no hope. Before the animals get us, I gon’ let the baby die. I won’t look at it. I won’t help it breathe. The reason for me to run was to get this one free. But I can’t make it out of this place by myself.
My stomach turns hard again and the pains burn. Push, push . . . I try hard not to make a sound. Don’t want no animals showing up. I feel around me for the stick. I put it in my mouth and bite down. I’ll get this child out, and then we both can die in peace. I seen worse ways to die.
All a sudden the boy shows up. “I’m here, Sukey. I can help.” He grabs hold a my hand and gives me his palm. “Tell me what to do,” Pan says.
“Get outta here,” I write, then slap at him to get him movin’. I hear him cryin’ when he goes out, but now I can get my business done.
I bite down. Push, push. Don’t make no noise! Pain, push, pain, push. Huuuh! I feel it come. It plops out. Lil arms, feet, pushing out. I feel it moving!
My head throws itself back and forth. I’m fighting with myself, not letting my hands reach for it. But then it cries.
I grab down, bring it up, and push it against me to stop it from breathing. The little mouth is working for air. I push in harder. I grunt and bite down hard on the stick, but this time the stick snaps, and that’s when the mama in me takes over. She spits out the wood pieces, grabs at the bloody cord, bites through it, frees the child, then gives it my breast. When the child latches on, I look down and see it’s a girl, and all that’s left of me howls for mercy.
“Don’t cry, Sukey! Don’t cry!” The boy is back. “I’m gonna help you out!” he says, and I reach to kiss his sweet hand.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
1830
James
PANIC LIT A fire in me. When I passed Pan, I grasped his arm and shouted for him to run. When he fought me, I struggled to keep hold of him.
“We’ve got to go!” I called out, holding tight. “We’ve got to get out of here!”
“What about Sukey?” he cried, pulling away. “She’s by herself, having a baby.”
“We can’t stay!” I looked around wildly, sure I heard our pursuers. “Come! We’ve got to go!” It did not occur to me that the heavy panting I heard was my own breath. Believing that we were to be killed, I began to shout in terror. “Come! Come!” I pulled roughly at his arm, but he freed himself and backed away.
“Mr. Burton!” Pan called out. “You not thinking right!”
I left him then and ran. Pan’s call long faded and still I ran, the sound of my own rasping breath fueling me. My terror had broken free, and escape was all I knew. Perspiration dripped into my good eye, and near blind, I was in the water, stumbling over cypress roots, then back on dry land, tearing through thickets of juniper and green briar.
It was the appearance of the bear that brought me back to my senses. The black bear that had been wounded earlier in the day emerged from the green and roared his protest as I struggled onto his small dry island.
On first sight, I addressed him as though he were human, but as my reason returned, I stopped my muttering and slowly backed into the water. Something long slithered around my leg, and I stood frozen, waiting for the snake to kill me first.
The bear moved forward, his hackles up. Slowly, he swayed toward me. Foam frothed and flew from his clacking teeth and when he charged, trapped in a tangle of cypress roots, I waited for death. Then, unbelievably, not twenty feet from me, he splashed down. My legs gave way and I slid into the brown water as death tremors shook the bear’s body. When my strength returned, I crawled back up onto the island to sit, stunned. I was alive! Somehow I had survived.
I looked about, disbelieving. What had I done? I had abandoned Pan, but worse, I had left Sukey while she was birthing a child. What kind of man was I? When I thought of them alone, and of the animals that might approach the cave, I got to my feet. I must go back.
Still dazed, I set off, but night was falling and I soon found myself lost. My only hope was to wait until morning, so I found a dry spot where I waited out the night.
I awoke with the morning’s light. My head felt clear, and after I had drunk my fill of the tannic water, I set out once again. I remained lost, circling for hours, until I remembered a technique that Henry had taught me to find my way back to his shelter. I set up triangles of long sticks on the edges of dry land, and by late morning, I had found my way back to the small island.
Pan sat alone outside the cave under a pine, and a more forlorn-looking child I had never seen. When he noticed me, his eyes lit up, first in relief and then in fury.
“Did she have the baby?” I asked.