“No, Mother,” I said, sighing, “all is as usual.” I did not tell her that it was I who was cool with Mr. Preston, for I strongly suspected he had played a role in James’s staying away. “I like your new dress, Mother,” I said, changing the subject before she had time to quiz me further.
“Do you?” she asked as she pulled and puffed out the enormous sleeves on her costume. “What do you think? Are the sleeves too extreme? They are called gigot and are the latest in fashion, but in winter, with my cape, it is difficult for them to hold their shape.”
“The red flowers in the fabric look pretty with your cape,” I said, though soon her primping made me irritable. “So tell me, Mother. What have you been doing? What is the latest news?”
“Well!” she said, satisfied with her frock and settling her hands in her lap. “I’m quite excited, my dear. Your father and I have been asked to host the museum’s annual event in our home!”
“Oh,” I said, trying to sound interested, “tell me about it.”
“Do you recall the annual ball given to celebrate the artists who are to receive funding for their projects? I’m sure you’ve already heard the news about James Burton.” She avoided my eyes as she turned again to her sleeves.
I clutched the covers. “What about him?”
“I believe he was one of those selected by the museum to receive a grant for an art project. Something about a book and funding for an excursion.”
I worked to stay composed. “I know about the book, but an excursion? What do you mean?”
Her eyes were on me as she explained, “Apparently, he submitted a proposal for a book of bird illustrations, and the museum decided it was worthy of funding. I’m not certain of the details, but I believe he means to travel south, where he will study and paint birds.”
I sat forward. “And he is expected at the event?”
“Well, yes. All those selected are expected to attend.” Her voice had grown cautious.
“When is it to be held?”
She hesitated.
“When, Mother?”
“A few weeks from now.”
“When, Mother!”
“In the second week of March,” she said reluctantly.
Finally! A solution! I could meet James there! Warmed with excitement, I threw the covers back. “I am going to attend,” I said.
“Oh, darling! You cannot possibly hope to do so. You are too far along to appear in public.”
“I shall corset myself!”
“Caroline! There are rumors! In fact, because of them, I was well pleased to hear that Mr. Burton was leaving.”
“Rumors! What do I care of rumors, Mother?”
“Dearest. You must take care. Everything that your father has ever done has been to ensure your future and the future of your children. You must protect that! If your husband ever questioned . . . If he ever alerted your father or pointed a finger, the consequences could be extreme.”
“My husband! You say my husband could point a finger? How would he dare to point a finger at me! He, the one who prefers men . . .”
Mother’s face went white, and when I saw her shock, I forced whatever else I might have said back down my throat. She looked away while struggling to regain her composure, but in my need, I pressed her further. “Please, Mother,” I begged, “I will go whether or not I have your help, but please say you will give it.”
It was a while before she turned back to me, her eyes moist. “Pardon me, dear, what did . . . What did you say?”
I was intent on one purpose. “I said I want to go to the event, and I will need your help to do so.”
“Oh, Caroline! My dear girl,” she said, drawing in a deep breath. “If you insist on going, I will give you my help, but you must then promise me one thing.”
“What is it?” I asked.
“After the event, you will come away with me to Stonehill, and we will stay there until the child is born. That should put a stop to any further rumors. Will you give me your word?”
“Stonehill? It is so far away from here!”
“That is my point,” she said.
“But I must see Mr. Burton before he leaves on his trip. Will you give me your word that you will invite him to Stonehill?”
I had never seen her look so weary. “I will,” she said.
“And what about Father? Won’t he say it is too early to open Stonehill? Won’t he object to the cost?”
“I will insist,” she said. “But I will leave the house staff here in town so his routine won’t be interrupted, and I’ll hire outside help to take with us.”
Thus we agreed that after the event, we would go to up Stonehill, where I would give birth to my child in our country house.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
1830
James
CONFRONTED WITH THE news of Caroline’s pregnancy, I was so struck by fear and indecision that I put her off, not wanting to add to the nightmarish position I had put her in. How could I tell her that she might give birth to a child of color? On the night of our last meeting, I wanted to confess, but Caroline was already so overwrought that I worried what action she might take if I forced this news on her. At the worst, I feared that she would go to her mother, who, naturally, would involve Mr. Cardon. And that would be disastrous.
I needed a month or two to put my affairs in order. If the truth about my ancestry became known now, the sale of my silver business would fall through, I would never see Caroline again, and my future as an artist would end. Everything hung in the balance.
A few months previous, with Mr. Leeds’s encouragement, I had submitted my name to the Peale Museum for consideration for one of their esteemed grants. To my amazement, in January I was notified that I had been selected for a subsidized excursion into the Carolinas. On my return I was to present renderings of birds, flora, and fauna native to that area, and based on approval, funding for an illustrated handbook of birds would follow.
When the offer came from the museum, I had rethought the course of my life. Since Mrs. Burton’s death, I had worked diligently at the silver shop but had grown weary of the long hours; the bulk of my time was spent in the office balancing figures. Along with the silver shop, the Burtons had left me a sizable estate, and as my interest in the business faded and the opportunity of the excursion came, I went to my lawyer to arrange selling the silver shop.
I had not told Caroline of my plan to sell the business, for I was saving it as a surprise. It would allow us more time together—something I felt certain would please her. As for news of the excursion, I was waiting for a favorable moment to tell her, for though it meant we would spend some months apart, I wanted her to see the opportunity that it was for me.
But then she came with her own news, and there was no time to explain the decisions I had made. And now that I knew of her condition, what was I to do? Naturally, she would remain with her husband, but how could I best support her? Dread followed that question, for the one thing I did not wish to do was to add to her dilemma. Yet she must learn the truth, for if the child had color, we would have to arrange to have it cared for.
I decided it was best to keep a distance, for I suspected that her husband was on high alert. The man already disliked me and now would not hold back on destroying my good name.
But the sale of the silver business was slow, and one week followed another until the whole of February had passed. Much to my regret, I stayed away from Caroline.
IN THE FIRST week of March, a letter came from Lavinia in response to one that I had written while flush with excitement about the grant.
In the years following Delia’s theft of my letter, too afraid of another interception, I had not corresponded with those at Tall Oaks. Soon after I received the award from the museum, while studying the map and planning the route I might travel on my excursion, I was surprised to see the proximity of Tall Oaks, located in southern Virginia, to the parts of North Carolina where I meant to journey. Though twenty years had passed since I had fled that home, I still dreamed of seeing it again. Now, with Delia out of the way, and believing that my safety in Virginia was no longer in question, I wrote a letter to Lavinia and asked if I might visit.
Two months later, that first week in March 1830, came her response. It was not what I had expected.