Girls with Sharp Sticks (Girls with Sharp Sticks #1)

I’m moving quickly, rushing ahead without any thought of restraint. I swing around the corner and collide with someone, yelping my surprise. Dr. Groger, stunned himself, laughs and adjusts his glasses.

“Philomena,” he says. “Why are you in such a hurry?” He takes in my condition, and then concern creases his brow. “What’s going on?” he asks more seriously.

“It’s Lennon Rose,” I say. “I’m looking for her. She—”

“My dear,” Dr. Groger says quickly. He glances around the hall before putting his hand on my back to push me forward. “Let’s discuss this in my office.”

He clearly knows what’s going on, so I nod, grateful, and walk with him down the hall.

Once at his office, he leads me inside and closes the door. He adjusts his glasses again, looking me up and down, before telling me to continue.

“It’s Lennon Rose,” I say, my voice shaking. “She’s not in her room. And she was crying last night. She—”

The doctor exhales heavily. “Oh, sweetheart,” he says. “I’m so sorry to tell you this way—Anton was going to make an announcement—but Lennon Rose has left the academy.”

The world tilts and I fall back a step. “No,” I whisper, horrified. “When?”

“Just a short while ago. Her father came to pick her up,” he says sympathetically. “The tuition rate was impossible for her parents to afford, and the stress was getting to Lennon Rose. Her health took a bad turn. We had to let her go. I’m sorry. I know you two were close.”

“We’re all close,” I explain. “But . . . she would have said goodbye,” I tell him. “Lennon Rose wouldn’t have left without a goodbye.”

“I don’t know—”

“And what about her shoes?” I continue, my voice rising. “How could she leave when her shoes are still in her room?”

“Philomena,” Dr. Groger says curtly, growing impatient with my questions. “I’m not sure of the details—the Guardian assisted. But Lennon Rose is gone. I’m sorry.”

My eyes tear up, the impact of the truth finally hitting me. Lennon Rose is gone.

“Now,” the doctor says with renewed vigor. “We’ll get through this together. Anton will speak to you all, and he’ll be available to talk privately later if you need to. And, of course, so am I. Anything you need, dear.”

He picks up a lollipop and holds it out to me. Like it makes it all better. Like Lennon Rose’s absence is a skinned knee he can graft over. I stare at the lollipop, and when I don’t take it, Dr. Groger clears his throat.

“Why don’t you head to your room now, Philomena,” he suggests. “I’m sure you’ll feel better after a hot shower.”

But I can’t stop thinking about Lennon Rose. I hitch in a sob, trying to fight it back.

Dr. Groger stares at me for a long while, and then he smiles and sets his hand on my shoulder, rubbing the muscle soothingly. But chills run down my skin at his touch. I take a big step back out of his reach, and the doctor furrows his brow.

Rather than explain it, I turn away. My body is shaking; my heart is broken. I need to tell the other girls what’s happened. I leave the office, and the doctor doesn’t call after me.

I hurry back to my floor as emptiness burrows deep inside my head, my heart. Lennon Rose didn’t even say goodbye.

Lennon Rose is gone.

The thought buries me. I remember the first time I met her—standing there with her straight blond hair and thick bangs. Her pale eyelashes and delicate hands. A voice so soft that Professor Penchant demanded she speak up because he couldn’t hear her. Lennon Rose looked terrified, and I ended up speaking on her behalf.

She waited for me after class.

“Thank you,” Lennon Rose said, still so quiet. She fidgeted, looking at the toes of my shoes. “I’m a little lost,” she said. “I’m not sure how to . . . feel.”

I nodded, understanding. “I was the same way when I first walked in,” I told her. “But don’t worry—we have each other now.” I threw my arm over her shoulders. “We’ll take care of you.”

She beamed up at me, watching me like I was the sun in her universe. And that admiration was only matched when she met Sydney. And Sydney and I did take care of her. We loved Lennon Rose.

But we failed her.

Nothing will be the same. Lennon Rose was kicked out of school over money; it’s not fair. She must be scared and lonely. I didn’t knock on her door last night. What if she was waiting for me?

When I get to my floor, I find Sydney and Annalise in the hall talking with Marcella and Brynn. Marcella’s dark, curly hair is dripping wet, and Brynn has her toothbrush clenched between her teeth. Sydney turns to me midconversation, and when she sees my expression, her voice trails off.

Annalise looks from Sydney to me. Her nostrils flare, her mouth a hard line. “What happened?” she asks, immediately.

I motion for them to come to my room, not wanting to discuss it in the hall. My hands shake as I push open my door. The girls follow me inside, and by the time I close the door and turn to them, I’m already crying.

“She’s gone,” I say miserably. Brynn gasps, gripping Marcella’s arm.

“What do you mean?” Sydney asks. She looks at the other girls. “What does that mean?”

“Lennon Rose is gone,” I say, tears spilling down my cheeks. “Dr. Groger said she left this morning. Her father picked her up.”

Sydney drops down on my bed, looking like she’s just been punched in the stomach. Her voice is a whisper when she lifts her watery eyes to mine.

“Why didn’t she say goodbye?” she asks.

“I don’t know,” I say. “She would have. She . . .” I want to come up with an explanation, but I don’t have one.

I tell them everything that Dr. Groger said, but it doesn’t make sense. Lennon Rose’s parents were here last night. They didn’t mention money. They were worried the school was going to keep her. So did they decide to take Lennon Rose home instead?

Marcella begins to pace the room, chewing on her thumbnail while Brynn watches me with a helpless expression. Annalise walks to my window and places her palm flat against the glass as she stares out at the property. As if Lennon Rose is standing in the grass, waving goodbye.

“But she didn’t even take her shoes,” Annalise murmurs, not looking at us.

“The doctor said that Anton will make an announcement,” I tell them. “Maybe he has an explanation.”

Sydney lies across my bed, her folded arm over her face. After a few moments of quiet, she sniffles. The air in the room grows heavy with melancholy.

“I’m in a bad mood,” Brynn announces. She swipes her finger under her eyes to catch the tears.

“Yeah, me too,” I reply.

We’re not allowed “bad moods,” as Professor Allister calls them. If we’re upset, if we’re in pain, if we’re lonely. “Bad moods are a symptom of being ungrateful,” he says.

So we don’t show our bad moods, at least not in front of the men. We can only show each other.

“After graduation,” I start, my voice hopeful, “we’ll find her.” Annalise turns to me, expecting me to go on, to make them all feel better. We rarely talk about what our lives will be like after graduation. But rather than continue, I start crying harder, the reality setting in.

“How are we supposed to go that long without seeing Lennon Rose?” I ask, choking up.

“I’ll let you know when I figure it out,” Sydney says sorrowfully from behind her arm.

Brynn lies down next to her on the bed, and Sydney puts her arms around her. We all join them, staying close. Murmuring that we love each other.





12


I take the hottest shower I’ve ever known, washing away my tears. The misery is deep and painful. An indescribable loneliness.

I grow red and raw from the heat of the water, but I stay there until it begins to run cold. I turn off the faucet and stand naked. My breathing is staggered and unsteady, my entire body hitching forward. My chest aching.