You’ve got to believe it.
You’ve got to believe in yourself and believe that you’re capable of making changes to become whatever kind of person you want to be. As you read through this book, as you’re trying to figure out the person you want to be, remember the journey starts with the goal. It starts with finding the direction you want to go in and then figuring out how to build the habits that will get you there.
Truly one of the best moments of my career in the last five years was a phone call I had with a member of our community. This group is made up of millions of women all over the world (and a few good men) who hang out with us on social media. We were on with one of our members, asking her about her experience attending our first conference. The very first year we put on the Rise conference, we truly had no idea what we were doing. I only knew that I wanted to create an opportunity for women to come together and hear wisdom and ideas that would give them the tools to change their lives, while also providing an opportunity for them to hang out with a community of like-minded women. So we were on a call with one of the women who was brave enough to come to our first event to hear about her experience. On the call this woman mentioned sheepishly that she only went to the conference because she was hoping I would sign her copies of my fiction books. She’d never focused on personal growth before.
“I never knew I could have a goal,” she told us. “I’m a mom and a wife, and I never thought about focusing in on something just for me.”
To be totally honest, I was stunned by this revelation. Stunned because, well, I am a very goal-oriented person (as if you couldn’t tell) and it had honestly never occurred to me that not everyone was. Oh, sure, I get that not everybody leaps out of bed at 5:00 a.m. like a jack-in-the-box as I do, but I just assumed that everybody was always working toward something. And the fact that someone could come to one of our events and leave understanding that she as a woman had value for herself, not for what she could provide to other people—not for her kids, not for her husband, not for her mom, but for herself—was eye-opening to me. She discovered that she was allowed to have a dream and a desire and a goal, and, holy crap, that was amazing, and it made me so proud of our company.
But it also served as a lesson to me and made me understand that there are those of you who don’t allow yourselves a goal or even a dream. It makes my heart ache. Not because I’m overdramatic (though I am that most definitely) but because growth is happiness. Truly. Having something to work toward gives us purpose. Achieving new milestones, even little ones, gives us a sense of accomplishment and pride. All living organisms, relationships, and businesses are either growing or they’re dying. Period.
If you find yourself going through life without anything to work toward or aim for, it’s no wonder that you feel like your life is living you instead of the other way around. I don’t care if you’re the CEO of a Fortune 500 company or a stay-at-home mom—you’ve got to have a goal. It can be a personal goal you set for yourself to get in shape or save money or own a home or build a business or save your marriage. It can be anything at all. Just know that you’re supposed to have one, and even if you’ve never been able to focus in on one before, you can develop the habit and you can become the kind of person who is, well, any damn thing she wants to be.
EXCUSE 3:
I DON’T HAVE TIME
I’m going to assume that lack of time is something every single person reading this book can identify with. Maybe you’re a single parent. Maybe you’re a recent college grad working two jobs to survive. Maybe you’re an empty nester with a full schedule. The truth is, no matter where you are or which season of life you’re in, there’s a solid chance that you struggle to find time. Often there doesn’t seem to be time for the things you’d like to have more of in life: time with your friends, time with your partner, time to get a massage or walk through Target alone for a whole hour without your kids just so you can remember what it’s like to shop slowly and hands-free. But it can also be hard to find time for your goal. When are you going to pursue it? Where will you fit it in with your current job or your current life or the current children you have to keep alive? How can you add this to a schedule that already feels overwhelming and too big to carry?
Well, sister, here’s the truth, and it may or may not surprise you that I’ve given this answer before, but it remains true. You aren’t going to find the time to pursue your goals; you’re going to make the time to pursue your goals. And the first thing you’re going to need to accept is that you are in control of your schedule. Yes, you, high-level executive. Yes, you, mama of four. Yes, you, college student with twenty-seven events this week. Yes, you, entry-level assistant with a demanding boss. You are in control of your schedule. In fact, there isn’t one thing in your life or your calendar right now that you didn’t allow to be there. Let that sink in for a second. Being overscheduled? That’s on you. Not finding time to feed yourself? You. Spending two hours a night watching TV or scrolling Instagram as a way to relax? Also your choice.
Girl, the question is never, Do you have enough time? The question is, How are you using the time you have? It’s possible to put yourself through college while being a stay-at-home mom. Women do it all the time. It’s possible to train for a half marathon while working full-time. Women do it all the time. It’s possible to build your own business at night after you finish working at someone else’s company. I did it.
Back when I was still a coordinator working in the entertainment industry, I started to fantasize about what it would be like to own my own company. I dreamed about it endlessly, and in the days before Pinterest I would tear pictures from magazines and store them in a binder for someday. At the time I worked fifty-plus hours a week at my day job and I had been married less than a year, so there were plenty of things to fill up my weekends. It was fun to watch marathons of Drew Barrymore movies on TBS. It was fun to go to the Home Depot and try to remodel our powder room. It was fun to save up for the Wagon Wheel Sampler Platter at the Black Angus on date night. And, after working all week long, there were few things more enjoyable than hanging out with Dave at home. But as the dream of starting an event-planning company began to grow bigger and bigger in my heart, I knew I’d have to give up something. Quitting my job and going solo as a new business owner just wasn’t possible. We had a little townhouse with a big mortgage that needed to be paid—it took both our salaries to make that happen. I didn’t have the money to go out on my own. I didn’t have connections or a mentor or potential clients or a hefty savings account. All I had was time and—and here’s the key—a willingness to trade that time in pursuit of what I wanted.
That’s how life works.