CHAPTER 25
HOW MAE GOT HER PURPOSE
Mae didn’t think of herself as much of a storyteller, but as she stretched back into a chair and began to speak, she found herself forgetting where she was or that Justin was there. The past took over, and memories she tried to keep locked away suddenly burst forth.
After her father’s death when she was sixteen, she had meekly gone along with her mother’s shift in parenting style. Part of it had just been grief. The rest had been an inability to fight her mother. Mae had dropped canne, as well as her dream to study something sports related in her tertiaries. There was a limited number of subjects a girl of her class could study, and Mae had chosen music, the lesser of the evils. She’d clung to the idea that it might get her a job and some glimmer of independence, but she’d been na?ve to think Astrid Koskinen would allow her daughter that kind of life.
Her mother had planned for Mae’s debut party to take place two days after her tertiary graduation. Mae had been no fool about that part. She understood the point, that her mother wanted to show her off in the hopes of landing her a husband as soon as possible. After all, that was what girls of her class did. Plenty of young men had already trolled around before then, and despite her mother’s opinions on certain ones, Mae had been able to rebuff them all. That, at least, had been a small measure of control, and even if she resented the formalities of her debut, she knew marriage wasn’t something they could force her into.
There’d been no avoiding the pale pink dress. That was the tradition for all debutantes. Mae’s confidence grew when she got to choose the style: matte satin with a short-sleeved off-the-shoulder neckline and long, slim skirt. She remembered the dress perfectly, just as she did everything else from that night.
Mae’s mother had been intent on making the debut the social event of the year. She’d bought new furniture and decorations and even hired extra servants to staff the party. She’d also invited every influential Nordic person she could think of and even a few visiting plebeians of importance—like General Gan.
Mae had played her role to perfection. Putting on a good face, no matter what she felt on the inside, was bred into her: dancing, flitting around, smiling at the congratulations of all her guests. She’d felt like a show horse, or even a mannequin on display, beautifully groomed and meant to be stared at. It had been grating but was all part of the act. And always, always there were men around her. It was as if all the suitors who’d come calling when she was younger had suddenly ganged up together. They asked little about her and mostly spent their time telling her about all that they could offer in material goods.
When Gan had spoken to her, she’d felt a little intimidated at meeting a plebeian military leader, but her sense of etiquette wouldn’t allow her to show it. He’d given her the usual congratulations and then said something wholly unexpected, triggering a conversation forever etched in her memory.
“I saw footage of some of your canne de combat matches,” he told her. “You were remarkable. I’m surprised you didn’t compete professionally.”
No matter her opinions on the matter, Mae wasn’t about to confide her woes to a stranger. “It was a childhood game, sir. I had to grow up and move on to more important things.”
“I don’t think there’s anything particularly childish about embracing your natural talents. I’m guessing you’re quite the athlete and do well in other pursuits.”
“When I have the time.” He was the only person who’d spoken to her about such things, and as much as she longed to delve into a discussion about sports, she knew better.
“What will you do with your time now?” he asked with a small smile. “Get married?”
“Maybe,” she said automatically. “My tertiary was in music. Maybe I can do something with that.”
He nodded. “So I heard. A pretty vocation shared by half the girls here, I’m sure. Hardly what I’d expect of such an athletically talented young woman.” The tone of his voice left no doubt about his thoughts on that “pretty vocation,” and Mae suddenly felt humiliated. Still, she kept smiling.
“I can’t compete professionally anymore, sir. Even if I wanted to.” Which she did. “I’m past my prime to start down that path.”