“Don’t take it personally,” said Dag, almost kindly. “Your life’s kind of exciting.”
“But it could be a lot better,” said Justin.
A long pause followed, and then Dag repeated, “Don’t take it personally.”
Justin managed to summon his customary smile—though it was harder than usual tonight—and act as though he was taking this all in stride and had enjoyed their lively story. He tried to think of a topic that wasn’t his being a punishment.
“I’m kind of surprised she was openly involved with someone who wasn’t Nordic,” he said. An outside castal was considered the same as a plebeian. “I figured she would’ve been put in some well-arranged marriage.”
“Her?” Val’s earlier levity returned. “Hell, I don’t think she’s ever dated a Nordic guy. At least not as long as I’ve known her.”
“But she’s still got Nordic citizenship. Seems like she’d want to stay on good terms.”
“Apparently not as much as she wants to sleep with dark-haired guys,” said Dag. “And as long as she’s not married or knocked up, she can flaunt a guy she really likes as much as she wants.”
A couple of things about that bothered Justin. One was that Mae had lied about her inability to be with someone like him. The other was the subtle assumption that she hadn’t “flaunted” him because he wasn’t a guy she really liked. She was still off-limits, but that old sting to his pride remained.
He finished his current glass and offered them more, but a check of the time made the pr?torians realize they were missing another party.
“Thanks for the hospitality,” Val said, standing up. She touched his cheek. “I’ll have to repay you sometime.”
“Val,” warned Dag.
She merely laughed and gave Justin a wink as she sauntered out. Dag started to follow and then turned back. “Leave your girl hanging for most of tomorrow. Then finally tell her you got a call from the authorities, and they’re letting her off—this time. It’ll stop it from happening again.”
“Thanks for the parenting tip.”
Dag grinned and left with Val.
Justin stayed at the table and poured another glass. There was a storm of emotions raging within him, something he hadn’t experienced in a very long time. He was hurt. Hurt, sad, and angry. He gulped down half the bourbon and slammed it on the table.
He felt like an idiot.
It hadn’t seemed possible that his tangled relationship with Mae could get any weirder. Apparently, he was wrong. Looking back on everything now, he felt sick thinking about some of his behaviors.
You’re sick because you’ve been drinking too much, like usual, said Horatio.
I’m sick because she’s been keeping this tragic love story locked inside her. How long does it take to get over something like that? I knew she was sad in Panama. I could see it, but I went for it anyway. I shouldn’t have.
You didn’t know. And you were drunk then as well, said the raven.
Magnus was kinder. You didn’t act alone. She went for it too, and she was sober.
Why? asked Justin.
Because women find you attractive. Magnus’s tone suggested he didn’t entirely understand that. And you were sad too. Like calls to like.
My life has improved since then, Justin reflected. Well, kind of. But hers got worse. I knew she wasn’t thrilled about an irregular assignment, but I didn’t know I was a punishment! And here I’ve been the whole time, arrogant and presumptuous, giving her a hard time over what happened between us, just because I was offended she wasn’t drooling over me. I’m as shallow as she claims.
When the ravens didn’t deny it, Justin stood up on unsteady legs. “I’m going to see her.”
That’s a bad idea, said Horatio as Justin went inside.
It wouldn’t be my first, Justin replied.
A check in the mirror showed he was presentable. His clothes were neat and unwrinkled. Every hair was in place. He didn’t even look that drunk.
He could feel the ravens’ incredulity at that last thought.
He double-checked Mae’s address and then caught the purple line downtown. A transfer took him out to her neighborhood, an older but upscale district with well-established trees and pretty brick buildings. Mae lived in a town house with cherry trees out front, and he paused to admire it as he stood outside. It wasn’t quite as sleek as his last apartment had been, but it was still the kind of place he should’ve ended up in, rather than his sister’s house. He really needed to fix that and move to the city.
He braced himself as he went up the stairs, trying to stay cool in the flood of anxiety and eagerness filling him. He still didn’t know what he was going to say, but if he talked to her, they could fix things. He needed to make sense of all of this, to understand why—
“Hello?”
A strange man opened the door. He only wore jeans, showing off a bodybuilder’s chest. He had sandy-colored hair that looked damp from recent washing. After a few initial moments of shock, Justin decided that he must have the wrong place.