A languid peace invaded my body, but I didn’t fall asleep easily. There was a part of me that didn’t want to fall asleep, because I didn’t want to miss a second of her soft breaths. She’d passed out atop me and, with a smile pulling at my lips, I placed her on her side and nestled her against my chest with the covers pulled snug over us. The fire would last until the morning, but a chill had already seeped into the room.
I’d never slept with a girl before, like, shared the same bed or even the same blanket after sex. The other girls usually left, and if they fell asleep afterward, I’d slept wherever they weren’t. Syd had always been the only female that I’d ever spent an entire night with, so I wasn’t surprised that it didn’t feel weird to do so now, even though everything was different between us.
Starting with the fact she was curled up against me—completely, beautifully naked. Her bare back rested against my chest and the fantastic curve of her ass pressed against me. I hadn’t put any clothes back on, so I was hard. Actually, I don’t think I’d lost the hard-on.
I was propped up on my elbow, cheek against my fist. I’d been like that for at least an hour, watching her. She had the thickest lashes I’d ever seen. Not the cosmetically enhanced kind that were clumpy or spidery. They fanned the tops of her cheeks—cheeks lightly dusted with pale freckles. Her lips were slightly parted and plump. Swollen from my kisses. A surge of male pride came over me, and I leaned down, pressing a kiss to her temple.
Syd murmured something and shifted. My hand stilled against her stomach. I’d been tracing circles around her belly button, but every time she’d move that sweet ass, it antagonized what hung between my legs.
She settled down pretty quickly, not waking at all.
My gaze traveled over her face. There was no need to commit each delicate, beautifully-crafted line to memory, because I already had ages ago.
The blanket had slipped off her shoulder, and I pulled it back up. In her sleep, a smile graced her lips, and my chest tightened.
Sighing, I stretched out beside her and tightened my hold, repositioning Syd so her head fit under mine. Didn’t take long to drift off to sleep. I might’ve only slept a couple of hours before a noise woke me, but it was the best damn sleep I ever had.
My eyes snapped open. Pale gray light slipped in through the gap in the curtains, and the fire was almost out. Immediately on guard, I held my breath as I listened. The noise came again—a deep howling of wind. I released my breath slowly. I hated being jumpy as fuck, but after everything that had happened, I would rather be paranoid.
Tipping my head down, I checked out Syd. She had turned in her sleep, snuggling close. One leg was thrown over mine, and her head rested on my chest. Her hand was curled above my heart. And I was still so damn hard I was beginning to wonder if it was going to become a permanent fixture.
Damn.
My hand shook as I reached up, brushing the hair off her cheek. I loathed getting up, but I didn’t want her to wake up to a freezing room. As gently as I could, I slid out from underneath her. The girl had to have been worn out, because she barely stirred as I rose and pulled another blanket up over her.
I tugged on my sweats, ignoring the urge to get back under those covers and wake her up in a way I doubted Nate ever had. Throwing the hoodie on, I padded out of the room. I immediately winced.
Hell’s bells, it was freezing in the rest of the house.
I peeked out around the Christmas tree and saw that the snow was still falling, but it was lighter. Everything was covered to the point it looked like Antarctica outside. Man, I had no idea how long it was going to take them to clear the roads up here, or even if the plows could get out now.
Moving around the house, I checked the doors and windows like I had OCD. Everything was fine—locked and secured. As I headed down to the garage for firewood, my brain replayed everything like it was stuck on the Syd channel.
In the early morning hours and in the silent house, I couldn’t believe last night had happened. Cursing as my feet hit the ice-cold cement of the garage, I hurried around the SUV and snowmobiles and gathered some of the dried-out logs. Shoes would’ve been smart, dumbass. That was how bad my brain was stuck on her. Fuck, when she’d said the “love” part, I was completely lost in her.
I had been lost in her for a while now.
It wasn’t like my feelings for her were new, or that I’d discovered them when I had my mouth on her or when she blurted out that half-finished sentence. Shit like that didn’t happen. Maybe some people woke up one day and fell in love. Not me. This had grown over a period of time, kicking off when she’d gone out on her first date with Nate. Till this day, I still remembered that bitter bite of jealousy when she’d told me she was dating him. Before then, I really hadn’t understood how I felt for Sydney. Fuck. We’d still been kids in a lot of ways, and I was just discovering the happy, happy times to be had with the opposite sex.
Not until after Syd had told me that Nate had ended things had I realized the extent of what I felt for her. Because I hadn’t been sad or upset—I had been glad. I had felt relief. That alone made me so undeserving of Syd, but it was the truth. I was a bastard. Still was.
I knew that moment, while we stood outside the science building on campus, that I loved her. Not in the best-friend kind of way. Not in the almost-like-a-little-sister kind of way. I loved her in a way that transcended those things. And I was in love with her.
None of that had changed anything. My feelings for her were just something I didn’t acknowledge. I refused to let it grow into something more than a yearning that couldn’t be quenched. People did that all the time. I was just one of many.
Syd was always too good for me. Never once had I thought she could’ve possibly felt anything more than friendship when it came to me, and I still wasn’t a hundred percent sure, because I couldn’t understand how she could be in love with me after watching me—her words exactly—“fuck anything that walks” for years.
How could she?
I didn’t get it.
And I also didn’t want to question it, at least not right now. I had, what? A day or two of living out what I’d always wanted before reality bitch-smacked me in the face, because I did know one thing for certain. There was a really good chance that, when she left this place, got back in the real world, she’d realize she could do better than me. Find a guy who wasn’t about to turn down a career guaranteed to make money—and who hadn’t spent the last seven years going after every girl except her.