Looking at the text again, I clicked reply. Biting my lip, I wondered why Kes/Kite had had a bad night. What had happened when Jethro tugged me away? And why hadn’t Kes tried to talk to me when he realised I wasn’t replying to his messages?
We saw each other every day. All he had to do was whisper something in my ear. Something that would confirm this labyrinthine mystery once and for all.
Perhaps Jethro showed the new contract to Kes—rubbed it in his face that no matter how Kes felt about me, he could never have me?
Ugh. The headache from last night came back with a heavy cloud.
Needle&Thread: I’m here now. And you’re right, I won’t judge. What happened last night?
It was odd to have nothing sexual included in the message, but our ‘friendship’ had more depth now.
I settled deeper into the pillows. The diamond collar bruised my neck, throbbing with heat; it wasn’t exactly comfortable to sleep in.
Kite007: I stooped to an all-new low. Remember when I said we’re all products of our upbringing? Well, I keep blaming everything wrong inside me on that. I use it as an excuse, but what if it isn’t good enough anymore?
Oh, my God.
I’d never heard Kite sound so melancholy. My heartbeat increased as my fingers flew over the keyboard.
Needle&Thread: There’s nothing wrong inside you.
I paused before pressing send. If I did this, he would know I suspected. If he read between the lines and didn’t see it as a blasé comment, the truth would be out and the choice of how to proceed would be in his court. Did I want him to have that power?
Gritting my teeth, I pressed send.
Immediately, I got a reply.
Kite007: You don’t know anything about me.
Needle&Thread: We can keep pretending if you’d like, but it’s just another excuse. It sounds like you’re ready to face the truth. So…it’s your call if you want to or not.
Minutes ticked past.
My mind skipped back to the day I’d arrived. The welcome luncheon, the night in the kennels, and the strange degrading encounters with Jethro. How was it the Hawks had everything, yet everyone seemed to be hiding the truth? Jethro was hiding. Kes was hiding. Daniel had disappeared—the little creep—and Cut walked around with an air of mystique.
There was so much beneath the surface that no one dared discuss.
And, if I was honest, they’d transformed me into the same kind of creature. Someone who had evolved from a single dimension and now lived with so many avenues of personalities.
I was still the quiet, vertigo-stricken girl from London, but I was also the woman who liked being tormented, who thrived on a fight, and who thirsted for sex.
And that stupefied me even more, because I wanted sex with Jethro, not Kestrel.
What does that mean?
Jethro had made me come totally and spectacularly in front of witnesses. He’d manipulated me—given me a reward. It was both sick and…sweet.
No, never sweet, Nila.
Yes, sweet.
Beneath the mask, he was so many things, and sweet was one of them.
Kite007: My call? You’re so sure I’ll be honest?
Needle&Thread: Why wouldn’t you be? You know who I am. I want to know who you are. I’m trustworthy.
Kite007: You’re wrong. I don’t know who you are. Every day I think I do, but then you do something that changes my perception. You’re a complexity.
My heart exploded.
Finally. Confirmation.
Every day you do…
Not say, or text, or imply. Do—as in action—physical.
My hands shook as I replied.
Needle&Thread: Perhaps you need to drop your guard, in order to see in to others. You’re just as complex, just as confounding.
The second I pressed send, I panicked. He’d admitted we knew each other. I’d admitted it, too. This anonymous freedom was now a knowledgeable cage.
Kite007: Tell me one thing you’ve lied about. Tell me the truth. Let me see what you’re hiding.
My brain smarted. There were so many secrets, too many puzzles. I’d changed so much; I no longer knew what I should hide. The little kitten who didn’t have claws would’ve curled into a ball at such a revealing question, but that was no longer an option, and I didn’t want it to be.
I was no longer afraid of diving deep and finding out who I truly was.
Needle&Thread: You want something real? I’ve only come once in my life, and it was just a few days ago.
It seemed like a small confession, but it was huge after all my fibbing of releases and kinky messages.
Kite007: How is that even possible? What was with all the other fucking releases you had? I thought you were a master at self-pleasure.
Needle&Thread: You’re asking questions that will lead to finding out who I am. Are you ready for that, Kite? Truly? No turning back once you do.
Radio silence.
Typical.
He’d run again.
My fingers hovered over the keys, determined not to end this. Not when we were so close to admitting this charade.
Needle&Thread: I could continue pretending I’m the masturbating minx you think I am or be honest with you. Again, your choice.
I rolled my eyes. He’s a Hawk. Maybe he already knew everything about me? They’d probably had my family under surveillance for years. Maybe that was the whole reason why Kes messaged me on a wrong number—to drip-feed Jethro information on how pathetic and hopeless I was.
I slumped against my pillows. It made sense. And hurt far too much.
Kite007: Masturbating minx? I like that title.
My eyes flared; my stomach twisted with eagerness.
Kite007: I need to know more. Stick to the subject and give me the truth. Nothing more. Nothing less. What were you doing when you said you came?
My heart raced.
Needle&Thread: Releases for me were found either on my treadmill or from working until my brain was numb.
Five minutes passed.
Kite007: And the only time you came? How did that happen?
As if you don’t know.
Suddenly, I was over it all. Over the fibs, the half-truths, the veiled secrets. He knew how it happened. He’d watched his damn brother stick his tongue between my legs and make me combust.