19
WHEN OUR TRAIN came, we didn’t talk about what was happening between us. I slipped Hunt’s coat all the way on, we gathered our things and boarded. On the train, I sat next to him, he lifted the armrest, and we wordlessly fell back into each other’s arms.
We did the same on the next train that took us from Brig, Switzerland, to Milan, Italy. I assumed that was our final stop, but when we boarded one last train to Firenze, in Florence, I was glad for one more chance to touch him. Because I wasn’t sure this weird peace would last once we emerged back into the real world.
But despite my intentions to savor our closeness, fatigue caught up to me and I was asleep within ten minutes of the train taking off. I didn’t stir again until we were pulling into the station a little over an hour and a half later.
Hunt’s fingers were combing through my hair and he said, “We’re here.”
I yawned and pushed myself up off his chest. His eyelids were heavy, and I knew he probably hadn’t slept at all. His face was normally all angles and hard edges, but sleepy, he looked younger, less intimidating.
He yawned, and I laughed because he was just so damn cute.
“I thought we’d start by just walking around the city. Maybe go see the statue of David. Eat some gelato.”
I caught his yawn and said, “Sounds good, but …”
I trailed off, unwilling to admit how exhausted I was. Thankfully he did it for me.
“But sleep first?”
“Oh, please God, yes.”
He laughed and agreed.
We stumbled from the train station, little better than zombies. A hostel was out of the question. It was almost impossible to sleep during the day at those because you shared a room with so many people, so we stopped at the first decent hotel we found a few blocks south of the station. I didn’t even have the energy to read the name. It was too long. It started with a B and ended with hotel, and that was all that mattered.
I leaned my head into Hunt’s back as he spoke to the concierge, and then handed over my credit card.
I didn’t think about much at all until we arrived at our room, and found a giant king bed in the middle of it.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think to ask for two beds,” Hunt said. “I’ll go back down.”
“No, don’t. That bed looks amazing, and I’m going to collapse if I don’t get into it right now.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
I didn’t bother answering. Instead, I kicked off my shoes and collapsed onto the bed still fully clothed.
“Oh God, I have never been happier than I am in this moment.”
I heard Hunt’s faint laughter, and then I was out.
I woke later as Hunt pulled back the covers and maneuvered me beneath them. A certain familiarity crept through my bones, like this had happened before. I peeled my eyes open, and found Hunt. He must have showered because his face was still slightly damp, and he was wearing nothing but a pair of pajama pants that hung low on his hips. His abs could have rivaled all of Tuscany for the most gorgeous rolling hills I had ever seen.
He pulled the covers up to my neck, and then stepped away from the bed. He settled onto the burgundy sofa situated across the room on the opposite wall.
I said, “What are you doing?”
“Ssh. Just go back to sleep.”
“No, I’m not letting you sleep on the couch, not after the night we’ve had. If you’re too afraid to sleep in the same bed as me, we’ll go downstairs and get a different room.”
I pushed back the covers and started crawling out of bed. He was off the couch and in front of me before my feet even settled on the floor.
“Don’t, Kelsey. Just go back to sleep.”
I set my lips in a firm line and scooted over, leaving space for him to climb in.
“You’re not going to let this go?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“The couch is actually pretty comfortable. And it’s not a good idea to—”
Tired of the same old argument, I grabbed his hand and tugged hard. He toppled on the bed next to me, and I said, “No more excuses.”
My patience had been brushed away by every smoothing stroke of his hand across my waist last night. It disappeared like sand in the wind bit by bit until all that was left was the longing underneath.
Still gripping his hand, I laid back and turned on my side, facing away from him. I tugged on his hand until he lay behind me, and then I let his hand drop onto my stomach.
I wasn’t going back to how we were before. I was sick of the will he–won’t he. I just wanted to be close to him. The consequences be damned.
His body was stiff behind me at first, and he was holding his arm so that it made as little contact with me as possible. I snuggled back into him, and he froze.
“Jackson …”
I let his name hang in the air, and after a few moments he relaxed. His arm curled around my waist, and the movement of his chest grew to match my own as we fell into sleep.
I woke again in the afternoon, and sunlight was pouring through the window, stronger than a jack and coke, hold the coke. I rolled over to get away from the light, and abruptly met the wall that was Hunt. He lay on his back, completely dead to the world. I’d only ever seen him sleep on that first train ride to Prague, and then it had only been a few seconds before he woke up.
In sleep, I got to study him in a way I hadn’t been able to so far. He had a small scar that ran through his right eyebrow, and another on his chin. His nose wasn’t quite as straight as I thought it was, but had a slight bump at the bridge. I wondered if he’d broken it before.
His chest I’d seen several times, but that didn’t make it any less mesmerizing now. It too had several scars, one toward his shoulder that was small and thin, and I guessed was from a surgery. Another on his side was more jagged, and spanned the length of several ribs.
When I’d soaked in as much of him as I could without turning him over or removing those pajama pants that framed his hips so deliciously, I decided to try to catch another hour or so of sleep. Gently, I laid a hand across his abdomen. When he didn’t wake, I laid my head across his chest.
I’d barely released a satisfied sigh when I was flipped over onto my back, and my shoulders were pinned to the mattress. I cried out in shock, and then in pain at the force Hunt exerted on my shoulders. He was strong and all of his weight was bearing down on me, bending my shoulders back in a way they definitely weren’t meant to. His eyes were wild and dark and unseeing. His breath came in heavy, shaky pants, each one punctuated by a little more pressure on my shoulders.
“Hunt,” I said, but he didn’t react. I bent my arms at the elbow, and managed to grasp at his forearms. “Jackson. It’s Kelsey. Wake up.” I whimpered, desperate to make the pain stop. Louder, I said, “Jackson, please wake up. You’re hurting me.”
I don’t know if it was time or my words or something else that snapped him out of it, but he released me, and a look of horror dropped down over his previously blank expression.
Even though it was over, his breathing was still harsh and uneven, and it was several long seconds before he said anything.
“Oh God. I’m so sorry, princess. I’m sorry.”
His expression crumbled, ruins hidden in his eyes, and he started crawling backward to get off of me.
My hands shot out, and I gripped his arms.
“Don’t. Don’t do that.” I repeated the words he said to me in that café bathroom.
“Kelsey …”
I tugged on his arms, but they were immovable stone columns. I said, “Come back to me.” I tugged again, and this time the stone gave way. His hip hit the bed beside mine, but his chest draped across mine. He dropped his face into the hollow between my neck and shoulder, and his hands went to my shoulders, his touch now soft and soothing.
“I’m sorry,” he said again.
“Ssh.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held on to him as tightly as I could. I didn’t know what plagued him, but I could guess, and all my guesses put my problems to shame.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” he whispered.