Regret moves through his eyes and he frowns and runs a hand through his hair. He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, and I take that to mean that I’m right. I close my eyes and hang my head, bracing myself for the goodbye.
“It’s okay, Nate. I get it. I’ll go.” I turn back toward the door and before I know what’s happening, Nate twirls me around and grips my shoulders in his large, strong hands, holding me in front of him, his feral eyes trained on mine. He’s panting, and he’s just so angry.
“You are not running again.”
“I’m not going to stay where I’m not wanted.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ve barely heard from you since last night. You won’t talk to me. You’re cold and distant. I’m not an idiot, Nate, I know when someone’s trying to break it off.”
He clenches his teeth and closes his eyes, then looks at me with such need my knees almost buckle.
“I don’t know how to deal with how I feel for you. I was a wreck yesterday when I couldn’t reach you. No one at the office knew where you ran off to, and you wouldn’t answer me. When you finally did call me, you brushed me off and told me I’m ridiculous and that our relationship is bullshit.”
“That’s not what I…”
“That’s what you said,” he interrupts me and grips me tighter. “No one hurts me, Julianne. No one. I don’t give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of me. That’s what got me through fighting, and it’s what’s gotten me to where I am now. And then you came into my life, and you just blindsided me. I am so fucking wrapped up in you I can’t see straight, and you tell me I’m a caveman for wanting to protect you and that our relationship is bullshit.”
Tears are running down my cheeks at the despair and loss on his face. My God, I had no idea his feelings for me are so strong. That he feels for me the same way that I feel for him.
I’ve never been so relieved and devastated at the same time. How am I going to fix this?
“I don’t know how to deal with it either, Nate.” I cup his face in my hands. “I was so sure that you were finished with me, that I’d pissed you off so badly that we couldn’t fix it. I didn’t mean that our relationship is bullshit. I didn’t.” I stress this and look him dead in the eyes. He’s watching me, listening, and I continue.
“Everything happened so fast yesterday. I was a mess, and I’m never a mess. You were gone, Carly at work was bragging to me about how she’s banging you and running off to New York with you,” Nate blanches, but I keep going before he can speak. “And then Luke called, freaking out because Nat’s water broke. I just left and went to the hospital, forgetting everything else.” I take a deep breath and wipe the tears still flowing down my cheeks away with my fingers.
“When Natalie finally agreed to take the meds, I checked my phone and saw that you’d been trying to reach me, and I called you right away. I swear, I didn’t mean to hurt you at all, but I was annoyed that you were annoyed with me, and I had so much going through my head. I said the wrong thing, and I apologize again.”
“Jules, I’m sure I could have handled things better too, I just…” he swallows and looks down, carefully choosing his words. “I just hate the fact that I have this primal need inside of me to protect you. I’ve never felt this about anyone before, and you just don’t need me. I’m so proud of you for being the independent, confident, intelligent woman you are, but you don’t need me, and I want to take care of you, more than you will ever know.”
He releases my shoulders and runs his hands down my arms to link his fingers in mine. He’s so wrong. I do need him.
I take a deep breath, stealing myself for the words I’m about to say. I grip his fingers with mine, and realize we’re still standing by the doorway. I don’t want to break this moment by suggesting we sit, so I look into his eyes again and bare my soul.
“You’re so wrong,” I whisper. He frowns and looks apprehensive again. “You once said to me that if I’d been paying attention for the past year I would have seen that I’m the only woman you’re interested in.” I swallow and look down at his chest.
“Look at me,” he whispers and I comply, seeing hope in his gorgeous gray eyes.
“Well, if you’d been paying attention, Nate, you would have seen that I’ve been in love with you since long before we first made love in this apartment.” His eyes widen in wonder and my stomach settles as calm washes over me, and I know that this is right. “I do need you. I hated you being away yesterday. I wanted to come home to you last night and tell you all about the baby and the delivery. I need your strength. Yes, I’m a badass, but there are times that I need someone to hold me up too, and I didn’t know until I found you that that doesn’t make me weak, it means that I’ve found my partner.”
“Julianne,” his voice is rough with emotion and he leans his forehead on mine, wraps his arms around me and holds me close. “Say it again.”
“Which part?” I ask with a laugh.
“The good part,” he whispers.
“I need you.”
“The other good part.”
I run my fingers down his smooth cheek and brush my lips over his, breathing him in.
“I love you.”
“Oh, baby, I love you too.” Nate scoops me into his arms and carries me to his bedroom, turning on the sidelight, and lowers me gently to my feet. He pulls my hair out of the tie holding it off my face and runs his fingers through it.
“I love how soft your hair is.” He unzips my simple, black shift dress, letting it fall down my arms and onto the floor. My bra and panties follow it and he steps back, enjoying the view.
“Like what you see?” I ask and smile.
“God, you’re so fucking hot.”
Oh. When he says it like that, my panties go all wet, and I just want to lick him.