"Ana!" Jack pulls me abruptly out of my reverie. Is he still mad? "Where's that letter?"
"Er - coming." Shit. What is eating him?
I type up his letter in double-quick time, print it out, and nervously make my way into his office.
"Here you go." I place it on his desk and turn to leave. Jack quickly casts his critical, piercing, eyes over it.
"I don't know what you're doing out there, but I pay you to work," he barks.
"I'm aware of that, Jack," I mutter apologetically. I feel a slow flush creep up my skin.
"This is full of mistakes," he snaps. "Do it again."
F*ck. He's beginning to sound like someone I know, but rudeness from Christian I can tolerate. Jack is beginning to piss me off.
"And get me another coffee while you're at it."
"Sorry," I whisper and scurry out of his office as quickly as I can.
Holy f*ck. He's being unbearable. I sit back down at my desk, hastily redo his letter, which had two mistakes in it, and check it thoroughly before printing. Now it's perfect. I fetch him another coffee, letting Claire know with a roll of my eyes that I am in deep doo-doo. Taking a deep breath, I approach his office again.
"Better," he mumbles reluctantly as he signs the letter. "Photocopy it, file the original, and mail out to all authors. Understand?"
"Yes." I am not an idiot. "Jack, is there something wrong?"
He glances up, his blue eyes darkening as his gaze runs up and down my body. My blood chills.
"No." His answer is concise, rude, and dismissive. I stand there like the idiot I professed not to be and then shuffle back out of his office. Perhaps he too suffers from a personality disorder. Sheesh, I'm surrounded by them. I make my way to the photocopier - which of course is suffering from a paper jam - and when I've fixed it, I find it's out of paper. This is not my day.
When I am finally back at my desk, stuffing envelopes, my Blackberry buzzes. I can see through the glass wall that Jack is on the phone. I answer - it's Ethan.
"Hi, Ana. How'd it go last night?"
Last night. A quick montage of images flashes through my mind - Christian kneeling, his revelation, his proposal, macaroni and cheese, my weeping, his nightmare, the sex, touching him...
"Eh... fine," I mutter unconvincingly.
Ethan pauses and decides to collude in my denial. "Cool. Can I collect the keys?"
"Sure."
"I'll be over in about half an hour. Will you have time to grab a coffee?"
"Not today. I was late getting in, and my boss is like an angry bear with a sore head and poison ivy up his ass."
"Sounds nasty."
"Nasty and ugly." I giggle.
Ethan laughs and my mood lifts a little. "Okay. See you in thirty." He hangs up.
I glance up at Jack and he's staring at me. Oh shit. I studiously ignore him and continue to stuff envelopes.
Half an hour later my phone buzzes. It's Claire. "He's here again, in reception. The blond god."
Ethan is a joy to see after all the angst of yesterday and the bad temper my boss is inflicting on me today, but all too soon, he's saying his good-byes.
"Will I see you this evening?"
"I'll probably stay with Christian." I flush.
"You have got it bad," Ethan observes good-naturedly.
I shrug. That's not the half of it, and in that moment I realize, I have it more than bad.
I have it for life. And amazingly, Christian seems to feel the same. Ethan gives me a swift hug."Laters, Ana."
I return to my desk, wrestling with my realization. Oh, what I would do for a day on my own, to just think all this through.
"Where have you been?" Jack is suddenly looming over me.
"I had some business to attend to in reception." He is really getting on my nerves.
"I want my lunch. The usual," he says abruptly and stomps back into his office.
Why didn't I stay home with Christian? My inner goddess crosses her arms and purses her lips; she wants to know the answer to that one, too. Picking up my purse and my Blackberry, I head for the door. I check my messages.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Missing you
Date: June 15, 2011 09:06
To: Anastasia Steele
My bed is too big without you.
Looks like I'll have to go to work after all.
Even megalomaniac CEOs need something to do.
x
Christian Grey
Twiddling His Thumbs CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
And there's another from him, from earlier this morning.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Discretion
Date: June 15, 2011 09:50
To: Anastasia Steele
Is the better part of valor.
Please use discretion... your work e-mails are monitored.
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS?
Yes. Shouty capitals as you say. USE YOUR BLACKBERRY.
Dr. Flynn can see us tomorrow evening.
x
Christian Grey
Still Pissed CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
And an even later one... Oh no.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Crickets
Date: June 15, 2011 12:15
To: Anastasia Steele
I haven't heard from you.
Please tell me you are okay.
You know how I worry.
I will send Taylor to check!
x
Christian Grey,
Over-Anxious CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
I roll my eyes, and call him. I don't want him to worry.
"Christian Grey's phone, Andrea Parker speaking."
Oh. I am so disconcerted that it's not Christian who answers that it halts me in the street, and the young man behind me mutters angrily as he swerves to avoid bumping into me. I stand under the green awning of the deli.
"Hello? Can I help you?" Andrea fills the void of awkward silence.
"Sorry... Er... I was hoping to speak to Christian - "
"Mr. Grey is in a meeting at the moment." She bristles with efficiency. "Can I take a message?"
"Can you tell him Ana called?"
"Ana? As in Anastasia Steele?"
"Er... Yes." Her question confuses me.
"Hold one second please, Miss Steele."
I listen attentively as she puts the phone down, but I can't tell what's going on. A few seconds later Christian is on the line. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine."
I hear the quick release of his held breath. He's relieved.
"Christian, why wouldn't I be okay?" I whisper reassuringly.
"You're normally so quick at responding to my e-mails. After what I told you yesterday, I was worried," he says quietly, and then he's talking to someone in his office.
"No, Andrea. Tell them to wait," he says sternly. Oh, I know that tone of voice.
I can't hear Andrea's response.
"No. I said wait," he snaps.
"Christian, you're obviously busy. I only called to let you know that I'm okay, and I mean that - just very busy today. Jack has been cracking the whip. Er... I mean..." I flush and fall silent.
Christian says nothing for a moment.
"Cracking the whip, eh? Well, there was a time when I would have called him a lucky man." His voice is full of dry humor. "Don't let him get on top of you, baby."
"Christian!" I scold him and I know he's grinning.
"Just watch him, that's all. Look, I'm glad you're okay. What time shall I collect you?"
"I'll e-mail you."
"From your Blackberry," he says sternly.
"Yes, Sir," I snap back.
"Laters, baby."
"Bye..."
He's still hanging on.
"Hang up," I scold, smiling.
He sighs heavily down the phone. "I wish you'd never gone to work this morning."
"Me, too. But I am busy. Hang up."
"You hang up." I hear his smile. Oh, playful Christian. I love playful Christian.
Hmm... I love Christian, period.
"We've been here before."
"You're biting your lip."
Shit, he's right. How does he know?
"You see, you think I don't know you, Anastasia. But I know you better than you think," he murmurs seductively in that way that makes me weak, and wet.
"Christian, I'll talk to you later. Right now, I really wish I hadn't left this morning, too."
"I'll wait for your e-mail, Miss Steele."
"Good day, Mr. Grey."
Hanging up, I lean against the cold, hard glass of the deli store window. Oh my, even on the phone he owns me. Shaking my head to clear it of all thoughts Grey, I head into the deli, depressed by all thoughts Jack.
He is scowling when I get back.
"Is it okay if I take my lunch now?" I ask tentatively. He gazes up at me and his scowl deepens.
"If you must," he snaps. "Forty-five minutes. Make up the time you lost this morning."
"Jack, can I ask you something?"
"What?"
"You seem, kind of out of sorts today. Have I done something to offend you?"
He blinks at me momentarily. "I don't think I'm in the mood to list your misdemeanors right now. I'm busy." He continues to stare at his computer screen, effectively dismissing me. Whoa... What have I done?
I turn and leave his office, and for a moment I think I'm going to cry. Why has he taken such a sudden and intense dislike to me? A very unwelcome idea pops into my head, but I ignore it. I don't need his shit right now - I have enough of my own.
I head out of the building to the nearby Starbucks, order a latte, and sit down in the window. Taking my iPod from my purse, I plug my headphones in. I choose a song haphazardly and press repeat so it will play over and over again. I need music to think by.
My mind drifts. Christian the sadist. Christian the submissive. Christian the untouch-able. Christian's oedipal impulses. Christian bathing Leila. I groan and close my eyes while that last image haunts me.
Can I really marry this man? He's so much to take in. He's complex and difficult, but deep down I know I don't want to leave him despite all his issues. I could never leave him.
I love him. It would be like cutting off my right arm.
Right now, I have never felt so alive, so vital. I've encountered all manner of perplex-ing, profound feelings and new experiences since I met him. It's never a dull moment with Fifty.
Looking back on my life before Christian, it's as if everything was in black and white like Jose's pictures. Now my whole world is in rich, bright, saturated color. I am soaring in a beam of dazzling light, Christian's dazzling light. I am still Icarus, flying too close to his sun. I snort to myself. Flying with Christian - who can resist a man who can fly?
Can I give him up? Do I want to give him up? It's as if he's flipped a switch and lit me up from within. It's been an education knowing him. I have discovered more about myself in the last few weeks than ever before. I've learned about my body, my hard limits, my soft limits, my tolerance, my patience, my compassion, and my capacity for love.