I mirror the line I've drawn on his left side. The trust he's giving me is heady but tempered by the fact that I can I count his pain. Seven small, round white scars dot his chest, and it's deep, dark purgatory to see this hideous, evil desecration of his beautiful body.
Who would do this to a child?
"There, done," I whisper, containing my emotion.
"No, you're not," he replies and traces a line with his long index finger around the base of his neck. I follow the line of his finger with a scarlet streak. Finishing, I gaze into the gray depths of his eyes.
"Now my back," he murmurs. He shifts so I have to climb off him, then he turns around on the bed and sits cross-legged with his back to me.
"Follow the line from my chest, all the way round to the other side." His voice is low and husky.
I do as he says until a crimson line runs across the middle of his back, and as I do, I count more scars marring his beautiful body. Nine in all.
Holy f*ck. I have to fight the overwhelming need to kiss each one and stop the tears pooling in my eyes. What kind of animal would do this? His head is down, and his body tense as I complete the circuit round his back.
"Around your neck, too?" I whisper.
He nods, and I draw another line joining the first around the base of his neck beneath his hair.
"Finished," I murmur, and it looks like he's wearing a bizarre skin-colored vest with a harlot-red trim.
His shoulders slump as he relaxes, and he turns slowly to face me once again.
"Those are the boundaries," he says quietly, his eyes dark and pupils dilated... from fear? From lust? I want to hurl myself at him, but I restrain myself and gaze at him in wonder.
"I can live with those. Right now I want to launch myself at you," I whisper.
He gives me a wicked smile and holds out his hands, a gesture of supplication.
"Well, Miss Steele, I'm all yours."
I squeal with childish delight and catapult myself into his arms, knocking him flat. He twists, letting out a boyish laugh filled with relief that the ordeal is over. Somehow, I end up beneath him on the bed.
"Now, about that rain check," he breathes and his mouth claims mine once more.
My hands fist in his hair while my mouth is feverish against Christian's, consuming him, relishing the feel of his tongue against mine. And he's the same, devouring me. It's heavenly. Suddenly he drags me up and grasps the hem of my T-shirt, whipping it over my head and throwing it on the floor.
"I want to feel you," he says greedily against my mouth as his hands move behind me to undo my bra. In one smooth move, it's off and he pitches it aside.
He pushes me back down onto the bed, pressing me into the mattress, and his mouth and hand move to my breasts. My fingers curl into his hair as he takes one of my nipples between his lips and tugs hard.
I cry out as the sensation sweeps through my body, spikes, and tightens all the muscles around my groin.
"Yes, baby, let me hear you," he murmurs against my overheated skin.
Boy, I want him inside me, now. With his mouth, he toys with my nipple, pulling at it, making me squirm and writhe and yearn for him. I sense his longing mixed with - what?
Veneration. It's as if he's worshipping me.
He teases me with his fingers, my nipple growing hard and elongating under his skillful touch. His hand moves to my jeans, and he deftly undoes the button, tugs the zipper down, and slips his hand inside my panties, sliding his fingers against my sex.
His breath hisses out as his finger glides into me. I push my pelvis up into the heel of his hand, and he responds, rubbing against me.
"Oh, baby," he breathes as he hovers over me, staring intently into my eyes. "You're so wet." His voice is filled with wonder.
"I want you," I murmur.
His mouth joins with mine again, and I feel his hungry desperation, his need for me.
This is new - it's never been like this except perhaps when I came back from Georgia - and his words from earlier drift back to me... I need to know we're okay. This is the only way I know how.
The thought unravels me. To know that I have such an effect on him, that I can offer him so much solace, doing this - my inner goddess purrs with pure pleasure. He sits up, grasps the hem of my jeans, and tugs them off, followed by my panties.
Keeping his eyes fixed on mine, he stands, takes a foil packet out of his pocket, and tosses it at me, then removes his jeans and boxers in one swift motion.
I rip the packet open greedily, and when he lies beside me again, I slowly roll the condom on to him. He grabs both my hands and rolls on to his back.
"You. On top," he orders, pulling me astride him. "I want to see you."
Oh.
He guides me, and hesitantly I ease myself down onto him. He closes his eyes and flexes his hips to meet me, filling me, stretching me, his mouth forming a perfect O as he exhales.
Oh, that feels so good - possessing him, possessing me.
He holds my hands, and I don't know if it's to steady me or keep me from touching him, even though I have my road map.
"You feel so good," he murmurs.
I rise again, heady with the power I have over him, watching Christian Grey slowly coming apart beneath me. He lets go of my hands and grabs my hips, and I place my hands on his arms. He thrusts into me sharply, causing me to cry out.
"That's right, baby, feel me," he says, his voice strained.
I tip my head back and do exactly that. This is what he does so well.
I move - countering his rhythm in perfect symmetry - numbing all thought and reason.
I am just sensation lost in this void of pleasure. Up and down... again and again... Oh yes... Opening my eyes, I stare down at him, my breathing ragged, and he's staring back at me, eyes blazing.
"My Ana," he mouths.
"Yes," I rasp. "Always."
He groans loudly, closing his eyes again, tipping his head back. Oh my... Seeing Christian undone is enough to seal my fate, and I come audibly, exhaustingly, spinning down and around, collapsing on top of him.
"Oh, baby," he groans as he finds his release, holding me still and letting go.
My head is on his chest in the no-go area, my cheek nestled against the springy hair on his sternum. I am panting, glowing, and I resist the urge to pucker my lips and kiss him.
I just lie on top of him, catching my breath. He smoothes my hair, and his hand runs down my back, caressing me as his breathing calms.
"You are so beautiful."
I lift my head to gaze at him, my expression skeptical. He frowns in response and sits up quickly, taking me by surprise, his arm sweeping round to hold me in place. I clutch his biceps as we are nose to nose.
"You. Are. Beautiful," he says again, his tone emphatic.
"And you're amazingly sweet sometimes." I kiss him gently.
He lifts me and eases out of me. I wince as he does. Leaning forward, he kisses me softly.
"You have no idea how attractive you are, do you?"
I flush. Why's he going on about this?
"All those boys pursuing you - that isn't enough of a clue?"
"Boys? What boys?"
"You want the list?" Christian frowns. "The photographer, he's crazy about you, that boy in the hardware store, your roommate's older brother. Your boss," he adds bitterly.
"Oh, Christian, that's just not true."
"Trust me. They want you. They want what's mine." He pulls me against him, and I lift my arms to his shoulders, my hands in his hair, regarding him with amusement.
"Mine," he repeats, his eyes glowing possessively.
"Yes, yours." I reassure him, smiling. He looks mollified, and I feel perfectly comfortable naked in his lap on a bed in the full light of a Saturday afternoon. Who would have thought? The lipstick marks remain on his exquisite body. I note some smears on the duvet cover though, and wonder briefly what Mrs. Jones will make of them.
"The line is still intact," I murmur and bravely trace the mark on his shoulder with my index finger. He stiffens, blinking suddenly. "I want to go exploring."
He regards me skeptically.
"The apartment?"
"No. I was thinking of the treasure map that we've drawn on you." My fingers itch to touch him.
His eyebrows lift in surprise, and he blinks with uncertainty. I rub my nose against his.
"And what would that entail exactly, Miss Steele?"
I lift my hand from his shoulder and run my fingertips down this face.
"I just want to touch you everywhere I'm allowed."
Christian catches my index finger in his teeth, biting down gently.
"Ow," I protest and he grins, a low growl coming from his throat.
"Okay," he says, releasing my finger, but his voice is laced with apprehension. "Wait."
He leans behind me, lifting me again, and removes his condom, dropping it unceremoniously on the floor beside the bed.
"I hate those things. I've a good mind to call Dr. Greene around to give you a shot."
"You think the top ob-gyn in Seattle is going to come running?"
"I can be very persuasive," he murmurs, hooking my hair behind my ear. "Franco's done a great job on your hair. I like these layers."
What?
"Stop changing the subject."
He shifts me back so I'm straddling him, leaning on his propped-up knees, my feet on either side of his hips. He leans back on his arms.
"Touch away," he says without humor. He looks nervous, but he's trying to hide it.
Keeping my eyes on his, I reach down and trace my finger underneath the lipstick line, across his finely sculptured abdominal muscles. He flinches and I stop.
"I don't have to," I whisper.
"No, it's fine. Just takes some... readjustment on my part. No one's touched me for a long time," he murmurs.
"Mrs. Robinson?" The words pop unbidden out of my mouth, and amazingly, I manage to keep all bitterness and rancor out of my voice.
He nods, his discomfort obvious. "I don't want to talk about her. It will sour your good mood."
"I can handle it."
"No, you can't, Ana. You see red whenever I mention her. My past is my past. It's a fact. I can't change it. I'm lucky that you don't have one, because it would drive me crazy if you did."
I frown at him, but I don't want to fight. "Drive you crazy? More than you are already?" I smile, hoping to lighten the atmosphere between us.
His lips twitch. "Crazy for you," he whispers.
My heart swells with joy.
"Shall I call Dr. Flynn?"
"I don't think that will be necessary," he says dryly.
Shifting back so he drops his legs, I place my fingers back on his stomach and let them drift across his skin. He stills once more.
"I like touching you." My fingers skate down to his navel then southward along his happy, happy trail. His lips part as his breathing changes, his eyes darken and his erection stirs and twitches beneath me. Holy cow. Round two.
"Again?" I murmur.
He smiles. "Oh yes, Miss Steele, again."
What a delicious way to spend a Saturday afternoon. I stand beneath the shower, absentmindedly washing myself, careful not to wet my tied-back hair, contemplating the last couple of hours. Christian and vanilla seem to be going well.
He's revealed so much today. It's staggering, trying to assimilate all the information and to reflect on what I've learned: his salary details - Whoa, he's stinking rich, and for someone so young; it's just extraordinary - and the dossiers he has on me and on all his brunette submissives. I wonder if they are all in that filing cabinet?
My subconscious purses her lips at me and shakes her head - don't even go there. I frown. Just a quick peek?
And there's Leila - with a gun, potentially, somewhere - and her crap taste in music still on his iPod. But even worse, Mrs. Paedo Robinson, I cannot wrap my head around her, and I don't want to. I don't want her to be a shimmering-haired specter in our relationship.
He's right, I do go off the deep end when I think of her, so perhaps it's best if I don't.
I step out of the shower and dry myself, and I'm suddenly seized by unexpected anger.