“Is it possible that Lorenzo and your mother had my father’s blessing to be together well before you were conceived?”
I put my hand over my mouth in horror and my eyes rise to meet his. “You think Lorenzo could be my biological father?”
He shrugs. “Would explain a lot of things.”
“Like what?”
“Like why your mother got pregnant to a man who had declared his love for another woman and had given her a child only a year before.”
My eyes search his. “Could this be real?”
“Does it make me a bad person if I hope it is?”
I put my head in my hands.
“Chesk, do you know what this means?” he says as he grabs my hand in his. “It would mean we are not biologically related.”
My saucer-sized eyes hold his.
“We could be together. Properly together.”
“But why would they lie?”
“Can you imagine the public uproar if one of my father’s men got his wife pregnant? He would be immediately killed by my father’s men for being a traitor, your mother too for that matter. Think about it Chesk, your very protection comes from you being a Ferrara, if you are not a Ferrara, in the eyes of his men, you are the child of a traitor and would be disposed of.”
I hold my temples with my fingertips.
“Think about it, he left your mother for Angelina and had a baby with her. We know that he cared for your mother as a friend and that he wanted her happy. It would have been the perfect scenario for her to secretly date his closest friend, someone he could trust in his home with his children. He gets to live with the love of his life and his beloved wife is happy and safe in the arms of another man.”
“But…she fell pregnant,” I whisper.
“So, they had to lie…or all of them would have lost face.”
The pieces of the puzzle all fall into place and my eyes rise to meet his. “Jules.”
“I know.” He smiles hopefully.
“If this is true….”
“We can get married, Chesk.” He picks up my hand and kisses it. “We can have children, we can be fucking normal.”
My face falls. “But…what if it’s not?” I whisper.
“It is, I know it is. I can’t love someone as much as I love you and not be able to celebrate it. No life could be that cruel.”
Oh…my heart.
My eyes well with tears and I wipe them away with a nod. “True.” I think for a moment. “I’ll go and see my mother.”
“Do you want me to come?”
“No, it’s okay. I’ve got to do this alone.”
We smile at each other and for the first time in a long time, something different buzzes in the air between us.
Hope.
*
I walk into my mother’s house at just on eight a.m., I couldn’t wait a moment longer.
“Hi, Mom.”
She frowns. “Hello, darling.” She kisses my cheek. “You’re up early today, I didn’t even know you were in Milan.” She’s dressed in her workout gear and looks like she’s been up for hours.
“Work. Work meetings, all the work meetings,” I splutter. “Very busy working.”
Shut up, you’re wrecking it. Why am I such a terrible liar?
“Would you like a cup of coffee?” she asks.
“Yes, please.”
I follow her out to the kitchen and sit down at the counter and she gets to making coffee.
My heart is pumping, and I feel sick, a lot depends on this meeting.
My entire future.
She makes us both a cup of coffee and sits down opposite me. “So? What’s up?”
“Why do you think something is up?”
“Because you never get here at eight a.m. unannounced. I’m your mother, Francesca, I know you better than you know yourself.”
“Mom.” My eyes search hers. “I’m going to ask you a question and I need you to promise me that you’ll tell me the truth.”
She frowns.
“Because there is no right or wrong answer to this question.”
“What are you talking about?”
“And there is no judgement, the past is the past and we are all happy and love each other.” I wring my hands together on my lap nervously.
“Francesca,” she snaps. “What is it?”
“Is Lorenzo my father?”
Her face falls. “What?”
“Did you start dating Lorenzo before I was conceived? It’s okay if you did, I completely understand.” I smile hopefully. “Dad was a cad, I get it. I completely get it.”
“Honey….” She sighs.
I pass the photo over to her. “I found this and I know that it doesn’t marry up with what I’ve been told and I love Lorenzo. So….”
She stares at the photo and puts it down onto the counter. “No.”
“No what?”
“Lorenzo is not your father.”
My nostrils flare as I try to hold in the tears. “What do you mean? How could this photo….” Words fail me.
“This was taken at the public library; your father and I had split up for good and I was friends with Lorenzo. Not wanting to go alone, I asked Lorenzo to take me to an art show, when we got there we ran into Giuliano and Angelina.”
My heart drops as I stare at her.
“I saw them, not a second later a photographer asked us to stand together and smile, not wanting to cause a scene we did.”
“But….” My eyes well with tears.
“Sweetheart.” She cups my face in her hand. “Is this to do with Giuliano junior?”
I drop my head in sadness.
“You’re in love with him?”
My eyes rise to meet hers.
“I see the way you look at each other, I can feel the love between you. I know that you fell in love with each other before you knew who his father was. Why do you think that Enrico was so determined to keep you apart?”
I get a lump in my throat as I remember him going crazy when he found us together in the library all those years ago. “He knew?”
“Yes, he knew.” She nods. “I’m so sorry, darling. The truth is, your father was a womanizer and I loved him. Time and time again I fell for his charm and into his bed. I was pregnant with his child when he left me for her. Lorenzo is a dear man who picked up the pieces and saved me. Trust me, more than anything, I wish you were Lorenzo’s daughter. He doesn’t have any children of his own, he gave up that privilege to be with me. If I could have given him that gift it would have made my life complete.”
Her silhouette blurs as I stare at her.
She takes my hands in hers. “You cannot love Giuliano, sweetheart. He is your brother. You have to let him go.”
The tears break the dam and roll down my face. “I wanted it to be true,” I whisper.
She smiles sadly and wipes my tears. “Me too. I wish I could give you this.”
“But …I love him.” I whisper.
“I know. But there isn’t enough love in the world that can fix this problem. You need to let him go.”
*
I sit in my old bedroom of my mother’s house and cry and cry and cry.
All my hopes and dreams are shattered and I need to get it out before I face the guards…and him.
I imagine Giuliano’s face when I tell him and I cry harder.
He deserves a happy ending and damn it, I wanted to be the one who gave it to him.
But Mother’s right.
There is no easy way around this.