“For sure.”
My computer blew up and seeing it has such sensitive material on it that I need retrieved, I can only get it fixed by someone on our payroll. Unfortunately, he lives in France, so we have to literally fly our plane to him with my computer and then we fly it home. I have another two computers that need servicing as well.
One hell of an expensive computer service, but we have no other choice.
We can’t risk anyone having access to our data.
“He will call you when it’s ready to pick up,” I reply.
“Okay.”
I close my eyes, it’s always so awkward when I call with my hidden agenda. “Where are you?”
“Outside a restaurant.”
She’s out.
I choose my words carefully. “Having dinner, is she?”
“Yes.”
“Who with?” I try to act casual.
“Marcel.”
I frown. “Her ex?”
“Yeah…they got back together.”
What?
I’m shocked to silence as my nostrils flare.
“I’ll wait for the call,” Antonio replies.
“Okay,” I mutter, distracted. I hang up the phone and put my head back against the headrest.
Fuck.
I mean I knew…. But…. She was always going back to him.
With my elbow resting on the steering wheel I pinch the bridge of my nose and exhale heavily. I picture the two of them together and my stomach twists in anger.
Fuck this.
My car door opens in a rush. “Hey,” Alex says as he walks past my car. “What are you doing?”
I stare out at him, I’m angry, furious with her…at myself.
But mostly, I’m just fucking pathetic.
“Come on,” Carlo says. “You are going in there and you’re going to get some high-grade pussy and snap the fuck out of this.”
My eyes meet Alex’s. “He’s right, man. Trust me, you’ll thank us tomorrow.”
She’s with him.
I get out of the car with renewed determination and slam the door hard. “Let’s go.” We walk in through the front doors.
The bouncer nods and unlatches the red rope for us. “Good evening, Mr. Ferrara.”
“Hello.” I glance in through the double doors at the club, loud music and scantily dressed women.
I’m in the mood for a blonde…and fuck it, I’m going to have one.
Maybe a few.
Francesca
I make my way through the restaurant and Marcel stands as I approach, he kisses me on the cheek. “Hello.”
“Hi.” I smile as I sit down.
“You look beautiful.”
“Oh.” I try to deflect the compliment. “How are you?”
“I’ve been better.” He forces a crooked smile.
An awkward silence falls between us.
We both go to speak at the same time and then both stop ourselves. “You go first,” I offer.
“I don’t know why we broke up, but I want to repair our relationship.” He grabs my hand over the table. “Please tell me we can.”
“Marcel.” I let out a deep exhale.
Damn it.
“I have issues.” I sigh. “And it’s not fair to bring them into our relationship.”
“Like what?”
I stare at him as I try to think of a kind way to let him down. How the hell do I do this without hurting him?
“Is it something that I did?”
“No.”
“The proposal…we can wait. If you’re not ready for marriage then that’s okay.”
My heart drops and I squeeze his hand in mine. “Sweetie, I’m so sorry.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I should never have accepted your wedding proposal…but.” Oh God, this is the worst. “You asked me in a public situation. What was I supposed to do?”
“Say no.”
“I would never humiliate you like that.”
“You would just leave me after I had told everyone I know that we were engaged.”
“I’m so sorry. I wish I could turn back time, I would’ve handled things so differently.”
“How?” His eyes hold mine and I can tell he’s holding on to his temper by a tiny thread.
“I didn’t realize we were anywhere in the marriage kind of spectrum. We had never talked about it, we didn’t even live together.” I shrug. “We only saw each other on the weekends.”
“Because we were busy,” he snaps in an outrage.
“No, it wasn’t that at all. We had no urgency to see each other. I know you don’t see it now, but you don’t love me the right way either.”
“You don’t love me?” He gasps out loud as if surprised. “You really don’t love me?”
The people sitting at the tables around us are beginning to look over as they eavesdrop on our conversation. I have no idea why they’re listening; this conversation is a complete nightmare. I don’t want to hear it myself…and I’m in it.
“What I’m saying is,” I say softly, “I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore and I didn’t realize this until you proposed to me. Instead of feeling excited, all I could feel is panic and that it was wrong. I shouldn’t be like that, and you….” Words fail me. “I’m just so, so sorry.” I squeeze his hand. “You deserved so much better and I will never forgive myself for treating you the way I have.”
He lets out a deep sigh.
“I missed every sign, every cue that you gave me. I must have, because to be honest, I’m still shocked. You took me completely by surprise.”
We hold hands over the table as he stares at me.
“I’d like it if we could be friends.” I smile hopefully.
“No. I can’t be friends with you. It’s all or nothing.”
“Okay.” I nod sadly, I get it. I can’t be friends with Giuliano either, it hurts too much to see him and not be able to hold him.
I wonder where he is tonight.
I get a vision of him and me making love in Ibiza. The passion, the laughter…the feeling of coming home. The love.
All the love.
Damn it, why are we related?
“So?”
Marcel’s voice interrupts my thoughts. Huh? I glance up. Oh my God, I’m the worst person I know. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you?”
“I’m taking a transfer to America.”
“What?”
“I had a job offer in Chicago, I was going to turn it down, but in light of what’s happened I want a new start.”
I smile. “That’s exciting.”
“You’re not going to beg me not to leave…are you?”
My smile fades as we stare at each other. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper and suddenly I just need to get out of here. “I’m going to go…this isn’t…helping.” I stand and he stares up at me. “Good luck with your new job.”
“Goodbye, Francesca.”
I bend and kiss his cheek. “Goodbye, Marcel.”
And I wish I could say something uplifting, something that would turn this shitty situation in his favor, but I can’t, because the truth is that I’m in love with someone else.
Someone I can never be with, and I’ll always be alone.
Missing him.
Reality hits home and my eyes well with tears.
I walk out of the restaurant and down around the corner, I take out my phone and call Antonio.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“I’m on the corner.”
“You’re finished already?”
“Yep.”
“On my way.”
“Thanks.” I hang up and stare across the road as sadness overwhelms me.
I feel like crap…and so I should.
The car pulls into the curb and I get into the back seat. “Hi.”