Your mother is the most beautiful, selfless person I have ever met. I adore her with every sense of my being. Over the next four years, we had three beautiful sons together. We traveled along and I was comfortable…but there was a part of me missing.
I close my eyes.
Oh God.
I don’t think I can read on. After a moment, I force myself to.
I went to France for business. You can imagine my shock to run into my Angelina, who was there for business also.
In the ultimate act of betrayal, I spent a week in Angelina’s arms and fell deeply in love with her again.
This time, there was no end in sight. I knew I couldn’t live without her.
I returned home and told your mother everything. I asked her for a divorce, which she declined. She wanted me to be with her for our children’s sake. She wanted the security of having me at home. Your mother didn’t want me to leave her completely. She put forward the idea of Angelina moving to Lake Como, and that I live between the two houses. At first, I declined. It wasn’t fair to either woman. But my heart was with Angelina, and I couldn’t leave your mother with three small children alone.
Finally, it was agreed on. I would become your mother’s companion. I moved into the spare room of our family home. Your mother and I became just friends, and Angelina became my partner.
For many, many years, the three of us were happy with this arrangement. Your mother had my support and devotion, and I got to live with my sons as they grew. Angelina always had my full heart. But Angelina was missing a part of her life. At the age of thirty-two and running out of time, she wanted a child.
I begin to hear my heartbeat in my ears as I read on.
My haunted eyes rise to meet Giuliano, a tear rolls down my face and then drops onto the letter in front of me, I blink to try to focus on the familiar handwriting.
No.
I wanted to give Angelina a family of her own. She had given up her whole life and family to be with me. To have half of me.
Angelina’s family disowned her when they found out she had moved to Italy to be a married man’s mistress. When I wasn’t with her in Lake Como, she was completely alone.
It was a heavy burden to carry for her, and yet her devotion to me never wavered…not once.
She paid the ultimate price for my love: her dignity.
I loved her desperately, Enrico, please understand that this was not something that was created out of lust. I am a bigger man than that. I couldn’t fight my love for her.
I tried. For six years, I tried.
It only got worse with time, not better.
I agreed that she could have a child, and a year later, Angelina became pregnant. For the first time in my marriage, your mother was furious—crazy like I had never seen her before. She wanted to have my only children and she didn’t speak to me for three months. We fought. She showed me a side of her I hadn’t seen before. Heartbroken, I worked desperately hard to get my best friend back. I missed her. I missed your mother’s love, and then the unthinkable happened. For the first time ever, I fell in love with your mother. It was a different love to what I had with Angelina, but love, nonetheless.
She deserved better than I gave her.
I don’t know how my life turned out the way it did. I was in love with two women.
My beloved wife and my devoted soul mate.
The three of us suffered, but Angelina ultimately sacrificed the most.
How could fate be so cruel?
The day Giuliano was born, my heart sang with happiness.
The joy that he brought to my Angelina was indescribable.
I gasp as my hand flies over my mouth, Giuliano’s haunted eyes hold mine.
My biggest regret in all of this is that he didn’t get to grow up with his brothers. Enrico, when I look at him, I see you.
Brave, strong, and loyal.
I love you, son…more than you could ever know.
I drop my head as the tears roll down my face.
No.
You may ask why I didn’t tell you any of this, Enrico.
The answer is simple: it changes you. It changes every part of who you think you are. Knowing that your family’s money comes from crime, knowing that your father has committed adultery for all of your life…it’s soul destroying. Trust me, I know first-hand.
I was eleven years old when I found out about the family business. I was eleven years old when I witnessed my first murder. I was eleven years old when Stefano brought his mistresses into my life and paraded them in front of me as if I should be proud. There were multiple women—too many to remember. Sometimes three or four at once. This was his normal. This was how he was brought up. This was how he was going to bring me up.
He had no respect for my mother or me. It changed who I was, and for a long time, I hated him for it.
I vowed that I would never let my sons be tainted and bitter the way I was.
I wanted my sons to be proud of who I was.
I’m not perfect.
I know I loved two women, Enrico. The three of us were victims of circumstance. I know that I am still a Ferrara.
But I hope you remember the good in me, and how much I loved you.
I begin to hear my heartbeat in my ears.
This can’t be happening.
Please listen to what I am about to tell you. I know you will be angry, but I have my reasoning.
Giuliano does not know anything about my other life. Like you, I have tried to protect him. He knows me as Papa—his father who worked away for a few days a week. The one who idolized his mother.
My eyes rise to see Giuliano staring at the ground.
Clearly devastated.
Oh…dear God.
Enrico, I need you to be the strong man I raised and step up and look after my beloved Angelina and Giuliano.
They are all alone.
I have taken precautions and they have been guarded up until you find this letter, but they are now in your care.
I have thought long and hard about this, Enrico, and I have made my decision based on personality alone. I have four sons, but only two are strong enough to be leaders. Giuliano is to be your successor, Enrico.
He will one day follow in your footsteps and lead Ferrara.
My eyes widen as the floor spins beneath me.
This can’t be happening.
When Giuliano Ferrara Linden is twenty-one, and not a day before, he will receive a letter similar to the one you are reading now, and he will learn of everything. He will be publicly claimed as my son, and his name will be legally changed to Giuliano Ferrara. He will then hate me, I have no doubt.
I screw up my face in tears and put my hand over my mouth.
I need you to take him under your wing and remind him of how much he was wanted and loved.
My love for his mother has not waned in death, he was my gift to her. Love personified.
Care for him, love him, and teach him what I have had the time to teach you.
Look after my beloved Angelina, and your beautiful mother.
I miss them both dearly.