Every Breath

Grabbing the towel she’d left on the seat, he ran it over the wooden planks before perching on the edge of the rocker. His insides were roiling. For the first time in days, the sky showed patches of blue, though a quilt of white clouds still trailed out over the water, the tail end of the storm receding in the distance. Hope turned back toward the ocean, as though unable to face him, saying nothing.

“Was it raining when you woke up?” he asked into the silence. Small talk, he knew, but he wasn’t sure what else to do.

She shook her head. “No. It stopped sometime last night. Probably not long after I got home.”

He angled his rocker toward hers, waiting to see if she would do the same with hers. She didn’t. Nor did she speak. He cleared his throat. “How was the wedding?”

“It was beautiful,” she said, still refusing to look at him. “Ellen was glowing, and a lot less stressed than I thought she would be. Especially considering her phone call the other day.”

“The rain wasn’t a problem?”

“They ended up holding the ceremony on the porch. People had to stand shoulder to shoulder, but that made it more intimate, somehow. And the reception went off without a hitch. The food, the band, the cake…It was a lot of fun for everyone.”

“I’m glad it went well.”

She seemed lost in thought for a moment before finally turning to face him. “How did it go with your father? I’ve been wondering about that since I left yesterday.”

“It was…” Tru hesitated, searching for the right word. “Interesting.”

“How is he? What’s he like?”

“He’s not what I imagined.”

“How so?”

“I suppose I was expecting more of a roguish figure. But he’s not like that at all. He’s in his midseventies and he’s been married for almost forty years to the same woman. He has three adult children, and worked for one of the big oil companies. He reminded me of many of the guests from America who visit the lodge.”

“Did he tell you what happened between him and your mother?”

Tru nodded, then started at the beginning. For the first time that morning, Hope seemed to emerge from her shell, escaping in the moment the prison of her dark thoughts. Mesmerized by his account, she couldn’t hide her shock when he finished.

“And he was sure your grandfather was the one who kidnapped him?” she asked. “He’d never met him, so it wasn’t as though he could recognize the voice.”

“It was my grandfather,” Tru said. “There’s no doubt in my mind. Just as there wasn’t any in his.”

“That’s…terrible.”

“My grandfather could be a terrible man.”

“How do you feel about it?” Hope probed, her voice gentle.

“It was a long time ago.”

“That’s not much of an answer.”

“It’s also the truth.”

“Does it make you think any differently about your father?”

“In a way,” he said. “I’d always assumed he just ran off without a care for my mother. But I was wrong.”

“Would you mind sharing the photographs and the drawings?”

Tru went back inside and fetched them from the end table. Handing her the stack, he took a seat in his rocker again and watched as Hope began to examine them.

“Your mother was very beautiful,” she commented.

“Yes, she was.”

“You can tell she was in love with him. And that he felt the same about her.”

Tru nodded, his thoughts focused more on Hope than the events of the day before. He was trying to memorize everything about the way she looked, every quirk and gesture. When she finished with the photographs, she lifted the first of the drawings, the one of his mother staring at her reflection in the mirror.

“She was very talented,” she said. “But I think your work is better.”

“She was still young. And she had more natural ability than I do.”

When she finished examining the stack of drawings, she took another sip of coffee, finishing the cup.

“I know you just woke up, but are you up for a walk on the beach?” she ventured. “I have to take Scottie out soon.”

“Sure,” he said. “Let me get my boots.”

By the time he was ready, Scottie was already standing next to the gate, his tail wagging. Tru opened the gate, allowing Hope to lead the way, and once on the beach, Scottie took off, racing toward a flock of birds. They followed slowly, the morning cooler than it had been on previous days. For a while, neither one of them seemed to want to break the silence. When Tru slipped his hand into hers, she seemed to hesitate before her hand finally relaxed. Her defenses were going up, and it registered as an ache.

They walked in silence for a long time, Hope glancing at him only now and then; mostly she seemed to be focusing on something in the distance or out over the water. As it had been most of the week, the beach was empty and quiet. There were no boats, and even the gulls and terns seemed to have taken flight. Confirming his earlier feelings of dread, he now sensed with certainty that something had happened, that there was something she was afraid to tell him. He had a strong premonition that whatever was on her mind would both surprise and hurt him, and he felt his heart sink. Desperate, he thought again about all he wanted to tell her, but before he could speak the words, she raised her gaze to his.

“I’m sorry I’m so quiet,” she offered, forcing a smile. “I’m not very good company this morning.”

“It’s all right,” he said. “You had a late night.”

“It’s not that,” she said. “It’s…” She trailed off, and Tru felt a touch of spray from the waves. It left him damp and chilled.

She cleared her throat. “I want you to know I had no idea what was going to happen.”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

Her voice became softer, her fingers tightening in his grip. “Josh showed up at the wedding.”

Tru felt his stomach tighten but said nothing. Hope went on.

“After the phone call the other night, he booked a flight to Wilmington. I guess he hadn’t liked the way I sounded. He arrived right before the ceremony…He just showed up and could tell I wasn’t happy about it.” She took a few steps, watching the sand in front of her. “It wasn’t too hard to avoid him at first. After the ceremony, the bridal party had to sit for a lot of photographs, and I was seated with Ellen at the main table. I stuck with my girlfriends for most of the evening, but toward the end of the reception, I went outside to cool off, and he found me.” She drew a long breath, as if summoning the words she needed. “He apologized, said he wanted to talk, and…”

As she spoke, Tru felt everything beginning to slip away. “And?” he prompted gently.

She stopped walking and turned to face him. “When he showed up, all I could think about was this week and how much it’s meant to me. Last week, I didn’t even know you existed, so part of me can’t help but wonder whether I’m crazy. Because I know that I love you.”

Tru swallowed, noting that her eyes were bright with tears.

“Even now, when I’m here with you, all I can think is how right this feels. And I don’t want to leave you.”

“Then stay with me,” he pleaded. “We’ll figure something out.”

“It’s not that simple, Tru. I love Josh, too. I know that must be painful for you to hear, and the truth is that I don’t feel the same way about him that I do for you.” Her eyes beseeched him. “You’re both so different…” She seemed to be grasping for something out of her reach. “I feel like I’m at war with myself—like two different people, who want completely different things. But…”

When she appeared unable to continue, Tru gripped her arms.

“I can’t imagine a life without you, Hope, and I don’t want one. I want you, and only you, forever. Could you really give up what we have without regret?”

She stood frozen, her face a mask of anguish. “No. I know there’s part of me that will regret it forever.”

He stared at her, trying to read her, already knowing what she was trying to tell him. “You’re not going to tell him about us, are you?”

“I don’t want to hurt him…”

“And yet you’re willing to keep secrets from him?”

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