I stopped on the track and turned to see Felix running up to me.
“Felix!” I hadn’t seen him since homecoming. I’d sent him texts and tried to call. Kennedy had mentioned he might be abroad visiting his family. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed him until I saw his smiling face. I ran over to him, throwing my arms around him, almost knocking him to the track.
He laughed. “Good to see you too,” he said.
“I missed you.”
“Yeah, you said that in your texts. Which pretty much flooded my inbox as soon as I landed at JFK.” He kissed my cheek.
And I realized I was too close to him. Much too close. I unwrapped my arms from around his shoulders and stepped back.
“Sorry about that,” I said. “I just really needed to talk to you.” I was glad I got to participate in gym today. He didn’t seem to know about me and Matt yet. At least, he wasn’t looking at me like he did. And if I’d been sitting on the bleachers wearing Matt’s varsity jacket, this conversation would have gone very differently.
“You look different,” Felix said.
I could feel my cheeks turning red. Was it that obvious that I’d had sex?
But then Felix reached out and lightly tugged on my ponytail. “New haircut?”
I laughed. Of course he meant that I looked different because of my makeover. It was almost the exact same thing Matt had said on Friday night. I’d bought the makeup that the makeup artist had used on Friday. And I’d tried to recreate the look as best as possible for school today. But I didn’t want to ask Felix if he thought it was a good or bad different. Honestly, I hoped Felix thought I looked terrible. “Yeah, new haircut.”
“And shoes.” His eyes dropped to my sneakers. “Damn, are those Odegaards?”
“Yeah.” I lifted them up to show him the signature blue soles.
He smiled. “You look good, newb. Very Empire High.”
“Thanks.” I think? I could feel my cheeks flush again. He wasn’t supposed to be staring at me like that. I needed to tell him what was going on. “So about what I wanted to discuss with you…”
“I have news for you too. And I think you’re going to be excited. At least, I hope you are.” He shoved his hands into his sweatpants. “I was having trouble getting a hold of my parents. And I knew it couldn’t wait. I flew out to go see them in order to get their permission for you to move in.”
What? I just stared at him. That was not at all what I’d expected him to say. I thought he was just on vacation with his parents. Not trying to help me. “Move in?”
“With me,” he added with a laugh. “I know you don’t want to stay at the Pruitts’ place. I thought your dad might agree since you’d still be in the same building. What do you say, newb? Roommates?”
It was sweet. Terribly, awfully sweet. And I was a monster. I swallowed hard. I was a monster, apparently just like my dad was. Just like Isabella was. God, I even had the same stupid haircut as Isabella’s stupid monster friends. No, I wasn’t a mobster that was going to get someone to repeatedly punch Felix in the face. But I was basically about to do that to his heart. “Felix…”
“I know you just want to be friends right now. Separate rooms, I promise. For now,” he added with a wink.
Fuck. “You haven’t been in contact with anyone since homecoming? You haven’t heard…anything at all?”
“No. I couldn’t get international calls and texts while I was in England.”
I didn’t even really know where to start. Why did he have to be so wonderful? There was a lump in my throat that wouldn’t go away. And I could feel tears welling in my eyes. He’s going to hate me. “I’m so so sorry.”
“Well, that doesn’t sound good. You hate that word. You must have done something really bad.”
I hated that word when it didn’t make sense. Like when people said they were sorry about my mom dying. But in this case? I couldn’t give him enough sorrys. The last time I’d seen him, Matt and I hadn’t even been together. I’d flirted with Felix at homecoming. I was such an idiot.
“I thought you’d be happy about the invite, newb. I never meant to make you cry.”
Shit. I wiped my face.
“Oh.”
I’d never heard him sound so serious before. I froze. The ring. He’d seen the ring.
He laughed even though it sounded forced. “Matt?” he asked and then sighed. He pulled one of his hands out of his pocket and scratched the side of his jaw. “I left to find you a better place to live. I didn’t realize he’d be offering you something too.”
“Can I just start from the beginning?” I couldn’t seem to make my tears stop. I hated hurting people. Especially Felix. All he’d ever done was be nice to me. He’d spoken to me when Matt kept me invisible. He’d freaking flown out of the country to make sure I didn’t have to live with Isabella. And the worst part was that I did love him. I loved Felix Green. I just wasn’t in love with him.
“Let’s run,” he said. “I really feel like a run.”
Okay.
***
I filled him in on everything that happened after he disappeared at homecoming. Isabella’s insanity. Me running around New York in my underwear. Me actually getting close to my dad. Cupcake dating Isabella. Me dating Matt. Me getting engaged to Matt. Isabella’s threatening notes. All of it.
Felix stopped and leaned over to catch his breath. “Fuck.”
I wasn’t sure which thing had upset him. Probably all of it.
“So you’re engaged to Matt?” He was still staring at the ground.
“I’m sorry.”
He laughed and looked up at me. “I get it now. Why you hate the word sorry. Newb, you can’t be sorry if you love him. You can’t be sorry for being happy.”
“Of course I can. If it hurts you.”
He stood up straight and pushed his sweaty hair off his forehead. “I don’t want you to be sorry for being happy. I just want you to be happy.”
I pressed my lips together.
“You are, right? He makes you happy?”
I’m so freaking happy. I nodded.
“Well…good then.”