I didn’t laugh. I didn’t find it funny at all. James had been kind and sweet. I didn’t feel comfortable telling Mason the rest of the story. I wanted to tell Matt in private. But I wanted to fix what I’d help break too. “James helped me,” I said. “I think this crazy misunderstanding about Rachel…you could all clear it up, don’t you think? If you just sat down and talked.”
“What do you think I’ve been trying to do the past week?” Matt asked.
“I know, but…”
“The Hunters are dead to us,” Mason said. “We tried to fight for them. And all they wanted to do was fight us.”
It wasn’t just them being stubborn. They were hurt. I looked at Matt. He had tried to fight for James. He’d tried to look after him. He’d worried and fretted over the blackmail because he cared about his friend. And all James wanted was to punch him in the face.
But James and I were friends now. Maybe I could convince him to try to fix things.
Matt lifted up my hot chocolate. “Aren’t you even going to try it?”
I took the mug from him. It tasted just like my mom’s. I sat in their warm kitchen, listening to the two of them laugh. And I hoped that I could stay. No one ever laughed at the Pruitts’ apartment. I hadn’t felt this at home since I’d lived with Kennedy.
But I had a feeling Mr. Caldwell wouldn’t let me stay. And I understood why. I was a Pruitt. I was toxic. I laughed along with the Caldwell brothers, but I kept thinking about the fact that the hot chocolate always felt warm in my hands. No matter how much time went by. And I wondered if it was because my hands were permanently cold. Cold to the bone. Just like the Pruitts’. Was Mr. Caldwell right about me?
Chapter 8
Sunday
I sat down on the edge of Matt’s four-poster bed. The last time I’d been in his room, Rob had pushed me inside and locked the door. I’d thought I was about to get the life sucked out of me by a vampire. But today I was just waiting to see if I’d get my hopes sucked out. Any minute now, I expected Mr. Caldwell to come through those doors and kick me out of his house.
“What’s going through your head?” Matt asked as he sat down beside me.
I looked over to his closet. The one I’d stood in for what felt like an eternity, waiting for Matt to come back after he’d pushed me into it. He’d spent the rest of the night with Isabella, instead of with me. Isabella. My stomach twisted in knots as I looked up at Matt’s eager face. “What if your dad’s right? About…me.”
Matt’s eyebrows lowered. “He didn’t say anything about you.”
“I have Pruitt blood in my veins,” I said and looked down at my hands. “You told me what that meant. That the Pruitts’ whole family is a disease…”
“I didn’t mean you.”
“You called them toxic. I’m them, Matt.”
“You’re not…”
“I want her to die.” I looked back up at him. “When she drove away in her stupid limo, that’s what kept me going. I wanted to get back at her. But really…I think I’d be happy if she died. I’m a monster. I’m a Pruitt.” I felt big tears roll down my cheeks.
“You’re not a monster.” He grabbed both sides of my face. “Baby.”
My heart ached whenever he called me that.
“Look at me.”
My eyes locked with his.
“Wanting revenge for this is a normal reaction. I want to fucking kill her myself for what she did to you.” He wiped some of my tears away with this thumbs. “But you’d never actually do it. You’re not evil. Isabella hurt you and you’re hurting. That’s the end of the story.”
Was that the end of the story? I felt his love. And with it, there shouldn’t have been any room for hate. But God I hated Isabella.
“You’re better than her.” He dropped his forehead to mine. “Your heart is too good to ever be like her.”
I wanted to believe him. I’m good. I’m not like Isabella. And even though I trusted my dad, I’d never trust Isabella. “Please don’t make me go back there.” I felt lighter since stepping foot in Matt’s house. Despite his dad hating me, I felt safe here. I felt like I’d shaken some kind of darkness off my shoulders. Maybe it was just because I was breathing in Matt’s exhales. The familiar scent of cinnamon was calming and exhilarating at the same time.
I didn’t want to be evil. I didn’t want to kill anyone. That was crazy. I wasn’t crazy. I lifted my leg, straddling Matt on his bed. It was like the closer I got to him, the more I felt like myself.
His hands settled on my waist. “You’re driving me crazy,” he said against my lips.
I’d rather him be the crazy one than me. I pressed my lips against his and savored the groan I got from him. His fingers tightened on my waist as I deepened the kiss. I knew I should have been telling him about awkwardly showering with James. Or how I’d been spending most of my nights in Miller’s bed. But I needed this. I needed him. And I could feel him beneath me. He needed me too.
For just a few minutes we were a happy couple. No ups and downs. No good or bad moments. Just us. I left a trail of kisses down his neck and got another delicious groan from him.
His hands splayed against the top of my thighs, his thumbs dangerously close to touching me where I’d dreamt about.
Normally we’d stay like this. He was patient with me. Always waiting.
But I’d told him my darkest fear and he’d washed it away. He knew me. He loved me. And I wanted to do for him what his brother so casually mentioned. What I’d literally seen Rachel do to James. Wasn’t that what he needed from me?
I tried to move off his lap to get down on my knees.
“What are you doing?” he said, his fingers digging into my skin, not letting me move.
“I want to do that…thing.”
“What thing?”
I ran my index finger along the waist of his jeans.
His lips brushed against my ear. “Say it.”
“I want to show you how much I love you.”
“How am I supposed to know that you’re ready if you won’t say it?” he whispered in my ear.
I swallowed hard. “I want to lick you.”
“Where, baby?” The scruff of his 5 o’clock shadow was rough against my jaw.
“Here.” I pressed my palm against his hardness and he groaned again. God, he was big. I wasn’t experienced like Rachel. I had no idea what I was doing. But I wanted to do it for him. He’d been waiting for me. I didn’t want to make him wait any longer.
“Say it,” he groaned as he kissed me behind my ear.