“You promised me a dance,” he said and put out his hand.
I looked at his face. I didn’t think Rob was telling the truth. Yes, it did look like Matt was a little drunk. But he didn’t look angry at all. He looked…goofy. There was a big grin on his face. And his eyes looked so eager.
Don’t look at his puppy dog eyes. “Matt, I think it would be better if we talked tomorrow. Kennedy and I were just leaving.”
“It looks like Kennedy’s still dancing. And so are you. With me.” He looked confused about what he just said. “Yeah. That made sense.” He put his hand out again. “I’ve been waiting all night. I haven’t interrupted you. I just…we’re running out of time. It’s almost midnight.” He looked so hopeful.
I did tell him I’d save him a dance. And could tonight really get any worse? It was better to have this conversation and get it over with. I’d hear him out. And then I’d finally have all the facts about everything and maybe I could make a freaking decision so my mind didn’t explode.
I took a deep breath. “Okay. One dance.”
“That’s all that you need. I mean, all that I need.” He shook his head, then grabbed my hand and pulled me into his chest. “All that we need.”
God, I forgot how good he smelled.
He rested his chin on top of my head. “I forgot how nice your hairs smell. Hairs? Or is it hair? It’s hairs because there’s lots of them. They’re so pretty. I love all of them.”
I laughed. “Matt?”
“Yes?”
“Are you drunk?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know. I think someone may have spiked the punch. And I drank a lot of it while I waited for you. Why’d you make me wait all night while you danced with everyone else?”
Because I’m worried I’ll hate your explanation. Or that I’ll understand it and fall for you even harder. I didn’t know how to answer him when my thoughts were at war.
He dropped his head lower, nuzzling his nose into my hair. “I’ve missed you,” he said, forgetting his question.
I’ve missed you too.
“Did you like my song?” He pulled back so he could look down at me. “It was for you. I was singing just for…” He lifted his hand and booped me on the nose. “…you.”
Yup, Matt was wasted. “Your song was perfect.” And hilarious. Almost as hilarious as he was being right now. His finger was still on my nose so I grabbed it and pulled his hand down. Now we were awkwardly slow dancing on one side and holding hands on the other.
“I’m not a good singer,” Matt said, his goofy grin spreading. “But I’ll sing it again if it’ll make you forgive me. I’ll sing it forever. Oh, let me sing it again right now. I need to find my backup dancers.” He tried to take a step back from me.
I held on tight to his hand so he wouldn’t leave. “Once was enough, Matt. You don’t have to sing it again.” I tried not to think about the fact that I was clinging to him. Or about the fact that out of everyone I’d danced with tonight, it was easiest to breathe in his arms.
The grin on his face grew. “So we’re good? You forgive me?”
“Matt, I don’t even know what you did.”
“Oh yeah, that. That’s so…James wasn’t listening. I was trying to explain. But no one’s listening to me. Why didn’t you listen?” He shook his head like there was a fly buzzing around him.
“I turned off my phone, so I didn’t see your texts. You never tried to explain it to me in person. You ran after James at lunch and just left me sitting there. You didn’t come to school for days.”
He stopped shaking his head. “But I told you. I told you I was worried about him.” He dropped his forehead to mine. “You’re strong. You’re so fucking strong. I knew you’d be okay. But I didn’t know that James would be okay. He needed me.”
I swallowed hard. “I’m not strong.”
“Yes you are. You’re the strongest person I know. You lost your mom. And your uncle. And you freaking live with Isabella and that horrible family. You’re strong, baby. And you smell so good.” He dipped his nose into my hair again.
I blinked fast so I wouldn’t cry. I wasn’t strong. I was lonely and scared and I’d run straight into Miller’s arms. What had I done?
“James needed me,” he said again. “I didn’t want him to hurt himself. I couldn’t leave him alone, even though he wouldn’t even let me in his stupid house. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He pulled me closer like he was scared I’d disappear.
Part of me just wanted to forget everything. Drunk Matt was somehow even more endearing than sober Matt was. And clearly I wasn’t strong. Because I was seriously considering dropping the whole subject without questioning him more. I tried to stop smelling his cologne so I could think straight. “What did you do with Rachel?”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell everyone. She and James got in a fight at some dumb party this summer. And she came to me crying. I went to give her a hug because I hate when people cry. Baby, I hate when you cry.” He pulled back and stared into my eyes. “I hate that I make you cry. I just want to make you happy.” He reached out and ran his thumb beneath my eyes even though I wasn’t crying.
“Matt, focus.” I grabbed his hand. “What happened with Rachel after you hugged her?”
“She freaking kissed me. She kissed me and I pushed her away. But Wizzy must have seen. And she thought something else had happened. But I swear, Brooklyn. I didn’t kiss Rachel back. I didn’t sleep with her. I don’t want anything to do with her. I love you. I’ve only ever loved you.”
“Matt.” My voice cracked.
“James hates me. He won’t listen. And Rob believes him over me. I lost my best friends. I don’t want to lose you too.” He hiccupped. “I should have tried to explain it to you before I ran after James. But he’s like a brother to me. And I didn’t want to lose him. But I lost him anyway.” He hiccupped again.
“I’m sure if you explained…”