Then I turned to Talisyn, who was watching me with a look of patient bemusement.
“Well, what shall we do tonight?” he asked.
“Talisyn, I need your help.”
“Oh I like the sound of that.”
“I need to get out from under Jaik’s nose, and to go see Cal.”
He froze. “I like that a whole lot less, but not as much as Jaik wouldn’t like it.”
I felt guilty asking Talisyn to help me. I knew how important the royals’ friendships were to them. I was terrified that Arren’s warning that I might destroy their relationships could come to pass. But I had to see Cal. He usually came to my room, but now I couldn’t escape Jaik’s watchful gaze easily, so that was going to be a lot more difficult.
“I’m not letting you out of my sight.”
I realized I had made a mistake. I buried my face in my hands. “All right, you’ve convinced me.”
Talisyn pulled my hands away from my face, so that he could look into my eyes. “When you easily agree to give up on your own plans and do what we want, I feel highly suspicious. What are you up to, Honor?”
“I’m not up to anything. I really want to see Caldren but I’ll see him around the academy. I’ll find my chance to drag him into a classroom for a private talk.”
Talisyn continued to look at me skeptically.
I grabbed his face and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, trying to distract him. I pushed him all the way into the wall, felt the soft exhale of his breath against my lips when his shoulder blades slammed into the wall.
“You’re as stubborn as you are beautiful, Honor, and I don’t believe for a minute that you’ve given up.”
I had to distract Talisyn, very thoroughly before I was able to convince him that I was going to be in Jaik’s room, like a good girl.
I had the distinct feeling afterward that he was going to be keeping an eye on me. When I stepped out onto the balcony, I wasn’t surprised to find him leaning against his own balcony, his forearms braced against the railing.
He looked over at me and smiled. “Lovely night, isn’t it, Honor?”
“It is lovely,” I answered.
“I think I’m just going to sit out here and study. I could be here for hours.”
“Well, I guess I’m going to turn in. I haven’t had a lot of rest ever since getting injured.” I sighed deeply. “It’s too bad Caldren got hurt trying to protect me.”
Talisyn sighed under his breath as if he knew he couldn’t deny me. “Is there somewhere you want me to take you?”
“No,” I said. “I’m all set to relax for the evening. I think I’m going to go sink into the bubble bath.”
“I could join you,” he offered.
“No, I wouldn’t want to take you away from what you’re doing. You already said you plan to work out here for hours.”
He groaned. “Honor, I just want to make sure you’re safe.”
“Oh I know,” I answered. I blew him a kiss.
I worried about Jaik, away at his meeting with Pend and the Elders about the academy. I wasn’t sure if he’d been angrier about seeing them or about leaving me. Either way, he’d kissed me so intensely that my lips still felt tender. He’d picked me up and pressed me against the wall, his hands hot against my thighs. I’d kissed him back, running my hands through his dark hair, wishing the two of us were both different people… uncomplicated people, who didn’t have a thousand lies between us.
I transformed into Lucien and stepped out of Jaik’s room and into the hall. I ran into Branok, who gave me a suspicious look, but that wasn’t exactly new for him.
“What are you up to?” Branok demanded.
“Plotting. I plot so much better when I walk.” I flashed him a smile, which he of course did not return.
Someday, I was going to break him down and make him like me. Everyone liked me, except for the people that were trying to kill me. And my stepmother. And Henrick. And those noble girls that looked at me like they wanted to tear my hair out. But still, most people.
I would be safe despite Talisyn’s worries because I’d be with Caldren, but Jaik would still be furious. He didn’t think anyone could protect me the way that he could. In his eyes, Lucien and Caldren had both tried to intervene in my kidnapping and had failed, which just proved to him that he was right.
Jaik believed no one else could protect me like he could. If it weren’t so annoying, it would have been totally sweet.
I wasn’t stupid. I wouldn’t run around on my own, knowing that the king was unimpressed with my survival. I needed someone to watch my back, but I trusted Caldren.
I slipped into an alcove to change into Honor’s face again. I’d taken to wearing leggings with one of the academy training tunics. The outfit worked for both Lucien and Honor. Honestly, I kind of liked the fact that I was often wearing Jaik’s or Talisyn’s shirts, even if they looked huge on me.
Caldren was waiting for me at the top of the steps. He was standing there with his tousled hair blowing in the breeze. When he saw me, his face brightened, and my heart swelled in response. There was no faking that look.
Even though he’d been healed, I could still remember what his face had looked like, cut up and bruised when he tried to fight for me. The second I saw him, the wave of relief overwhelmed me.
I threw myself into his arms and hugged him tight.
“Hey there,” he said, his hand curling into my hair. His nose nuzzled my ear as if he couldn’t get close enough to me either. “I’m glad to see you too.”
“I was just so scared that you’d gotten hurt.”
“I always come out fine, Honor, don’t worry too much.”
“You seem to need a whole lot of worrying about,” I answered, looking up and meeting his gaze. When the two of us were close together like this. I couldn’t help looking at his soft pink lips, and he stared down at me as if he wanted to kiss me.
I needed for Jaik and Cal to work out their shit. Talisyn had been so kind in the face of Jaik’s jealousy, smoothing things over with Jaik so that Jaik could let down his guard and be with us both. I needed Cal, but I needed Jaik to be on board. I didn’t want him to feel betrayed. Most of all, I didn’t want to risk driving another wedge between him and his brother.
I would have wondered if maybe there was something about Cal that I wasn’t seeing. But Damyn had said the very same thing that I felt in my heart. Cal and Jaik were both good men, divided by their pride. They lost their brotherhood because of their egos. The thought broke my heart. I wanted to see them back together.
And if that meant I had to stay away from Cal until he and Jaik mended things, then maybe that was what I should do, no matter how much my heart pounded in my chest when Cal was looking at me as if he would like to kiss me.
His lips parted slightly, his head angling subtly and I yanked myself backward so fast, I almost tripped.
Caldren reached out and caught my arm, reeling me back toward him and safety. He couldn’t help smiling. “It’s a mystery to me how sometimes you’re the most graceful fighter I’ve ever met. And sometimes, you seem to be able to kill yourself just walking down three steps.”