Felix had spent the past few minutes staring at Sophronia, his mouth agape. He looked like a fish. A handsome fish, but a fish nonetheless. However, Sophronia knew it was only a matter of time before he got his voice back and demanded to know why she was dressed like a circus dandy. She made frantic silencing motions at him.
The two dukes moved from debating to yelling. The Pickleman claimed that the vampires had no right to go around kidnapping children and forcing the hand of perfectly respectable scientists. The vampire protested that any technology that excluded the supernatural ought to be banned outright.
Meanwhile, Soap upended the entire coal scuttle onto the fireplace stoop with a tremendous crash.
Bumbersnoot scalded a chambermaid, who screamed.
The countess stood up, trembling in agitation. No doubt her well-run household had never before seen such chaos.
Sophronia began making gentlemanly noises about everyone turning potty, mostly to add to the kerfuffle. Sidheag joined her, both of them attempting to sound as upmarket and foppishly offended as possible.
“This is going too far,” insisted Sidheag, waving a handkerchief about her face. “Coal dust, in a hive, can you believe it?”
Sophronia spoke through gritted teeth. “Agreed. It’s like the Marquis of Inkuppy and that dyed-blue poodle he will insist on carrying everywhere. It can’t be permitted.”
“What’s next, green champagne?”
“Or leather waistcoats?”
“Leather waistcoats! Dingle, you go too far!” Sidheag chortled, slapping Sophronia lightly on the arm. “Aren’t you a hoot?”
The Pickleman duke turned sharp eyes from his vampire foe to the oddly dressed dandies. “And who, pray tell, are you?”
“Who we are is not important. Who we represent is the tick.”
“Oh, and who might that be?”
Sophronia flashed her hand up into the air in a flamboyant gesture. “Who do you think?”
“Blast it. Is he also involved?”
“You know he doesn’t like to involve himself. You may think of us as mere observers.”
“Oh?”
Sophronia tilted her head coyly. “However, I believe we may have a solution to this madness. As a concerned third party, if we were remanded custody of the, um, borrowed property, perhaps you could all sort out the other aspects to your satisfaction, and our lord will return the children as needed.”
“I thought Lord Akeldama didn’t like to involve himself.” Both dukes looked suspicious.
Sophronia said, “He has an affection for children.”
“Father,” said Felix, tugging on the Pickleman’s sleeve.
“Not now, boy!”
“But, sir—”
“Silence!”
“Yes, sir.” Felix gave Sophronia a funny look.
Sophronia winked at him.
Strangely enough, the countess and the Picklemen actually considered Sophronia’s offer.
One of the other Picklemen said, “How do we know those two drones aren’t on your side, madam? Given that they are still working for a vampire. You would have a necessary alliance in place, after all.”
The countess waved an airy hand. “Oh, Lord Akeldama is as autonomous as any rove can be.”
“Certainly more than the potentate,” added Sophronia, pushing her cause. That seemed the right thing to say.
Dimity started whining again, aiming to make herself as unwelcome as possible. Pillover grumbled at her to stop winching. They resumed bickering. The countess and the Pickleman duke ordered them to be silent. At the same time, Soap resumed banging around in the chimney. One of the footmen began trying to persuade him into a different room. Soap used all his wiry strength and stubbornness to protest.