Chapter 23
He must have heard her incorrectly. Because there was no possible way that she could be that brash, that foolish and insane and idealistic and brave.
“Have you lost your senses completely?” His words rose into a shout, a riot of rage and fear that rushed through him so fast he could hardly think. “He’ll kill you! He will kill you if he finds out.”
She took a step toward him, that spectacular dress glinting like a thousand stars. “He won’t find out.”
“It’s only a matter of time,” he gritted out. “He has spies who are watching everything.”
“And you’d rather I kill innocent men?”
“Those men are traitors to the crown!”
“Traitors!” She barked a laugh. “Traitors. For refusing to grovel before a conqueror? For sheltering escaped slaves trying to get home? For daring to believe in a world that’s better than this gods-forsaken place?” She shook her head, some of her hair escaping. “I will not be his butcher.”
And he hadn’t wanted her to. From the second she’d been crowned Champion, he’d been sick at the thought of her doing what the king had commanded she do. But this … “You swore an oath to him.”
“And how many oaths did he swear to foreign rulers before he marched in with his armies and destroyed everything? How many oaths did he swear when he ascended the throne, only to spit on those promises?”
“He will kill you, Celaena.” He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. “He’ll kill you, and make me do it as punishment for being your friend.” That was the terror that he grappled with—the fear that plagued him, the thing that had kept him on this side of the line for so long.
“Archer has been giving me real information—”
“I don’t give a damn about Archer. What information could that conceited ass have that could possibly help you?”
“This secret movement from Terrasen actually exists,” she said with maddening calm. “I could use the information I’ve gathered about it to bargain with the king to let me go—or just give me a shorter contract. Short enough that if he ever finds out the truth, I’ll be long gone.”
He growled. “He could have you whipped just for being that impertinent.” But then the last part of her words registered, hitting him like a punch to the face. I’ll be long gone. Gone. “Where will you go?”
“Anywhere,” she said. “As far away as I can get.”
He could hardly breathe, but he managed to say, “And what would you do?”
She shrugged, and both of them realized that he’d been gripping her shoulders. He eased his grip, but his fingers ached to grab her again, as though it would somehow keep her from leaving. “Live my life, I suppose. Live it the way I want to, for once. Learn how to be a normal girl.”
“How far away?”
Her blue-and-gold eyes flickered. “I’d travel until I found a place where they’d never heard of Adarlan. If such a place exists.”
And she would never come back.
And because she was young, and so damn clever and amusing and wonderful, wherever she made her home, there would be some man who would fall in love with her and who would make her his wife, and that was the worst truth of all. It had snuck up on him, this pain and terror and rage at the thought of anyone else with her. Every look, every word from her … He didn’t even know when it had started.
“We’ll find that place, then,” he said quietly.
“What?” Her brows narrowed.
“I’ll go with you.” And though he hadn’t asked, they both knew those words held a question. He tried not to think of what she’d said last night—of the shame she’d felt holding him when he was a son of Adarlan and she was a daughter of Terrasen.
“What about being Captain of the Guard?”
“Perhaps my duties aren’t what I expected them to be.” The king kept things from him; there were so many secrets, and perhaps he was little more than a puppet, part of the illusion that he was starting to see through …
“You love your country,” she said. “I can’t let you give all that up.” He caught the glimmer of pain and hope in her eyes, and before he knew what he was doing, he’d closed the distance between them, one hand on her waist and the other on her shoulder.
“I would be the greatest fool in the world to let you go alone.”
And then there were tears rolling down her face, and her mouth became a thin, wobbling line.
He pulled back, but didn’t let her go. “Why are you crying?”
“Because,” she whispered, her voice shaking, “you remind me of how the world ought to be. What the world can be.”
There had never been any line between them, only his own stupid fear and pride. Because from the moment he’d pulled her out of that mine in Endovier and she had set those eyes upon him, still fierce despite a year in hell, he’d been walking toward this, walking to her.
So Chaol brushed away her tears, lifted her chin, and kissed her.
The kiss obliterated her.
It was like coming home or being born or suddenly finding an entire half of herself that had been missing.
His lips were hot and soft against hers—still tentative, and after a moment, he pulled back far enough to look into her eyes. She trembled with the need to touch him everywhere at once, to feel him touching her everywhere at once. He would give up everything to go with her.
She twined her arms around his neck, her mouth meeting his in a second kiss that knocked the world out from under her.