He listened, nodded his head, held my hand, wiped tears from my cheek, and told me how sorry he was. Ending my emotional and detailed explanation of Ben’s attack and his death, I managed the following sentence, “And then I was escorted to a police car as the coroner drove away.” With that I drew in a deep breath and sighed. I wasn’t going to tell him about my emotional state after Ben’s death right now. I couldn’t talk about Ben anymore today. I mentally pushed everything back far away and I simply asked, “Can I tell you the rest another day?”
He just nodded, seemingly unable to speak, maybe trying to process what I had just told him and hasn’t spoken since. So now as River turns off the I-10W onto the San Bernardino Freeway, I decide to break the silence and lighten the damp mood; guide him away from his somber mood, the same mood I want so desperately to free myself of as well. Plugging my iPhone into the modern radio jack he had installed in his 1960’s car, I take a deep breath and run my hands through my wind-blown hair before asking, “Wanna play a game?”
Shaking his head, he looks over at me quizzically before pulling off the freeway. “Can we talk first?” I nod my head, but don’t say anything. I want to push my thoughts of Ben away for the day, but he isn’t going to let me.
River parks the car in a gas station parking lot and takes off his sunglasses. Setting them on the dash he silently unbuckles his seatbelt, twists his body to face me, and reaches over to unbuckle mine. Placing his hands on my shoulders, he turns my body to face him.
He removes my sunglasses, and with the pads of his thumbs he caresses my cheeks. He looks at me intently before speaking and I swallow back emotion from the intensity of his stare; a stare so full of concern I feel like my tears may come back any minute. “What happened to him was wrong, but for it to happen in front of you . . . that is something you should never have had to see, to experience, to go through.” Placing his fingers under my chin, he tilts my head up. His eyes are gleaming and so full of power, but his voice is soft, almost broken as he continues, “I mean it, what you went through would break anyone, but here you are . . . so vibrant, so full of life, and still in one piece. Whenever you’re ready to talk I’m here, ready to listen.”
He pauses a second to rub his thumbs across my cheeks again then down my neck. His serene expression remains as he says, “You’re so absolutely beautiful.” He stops speaking and places a soft kiss on my lips.
Looking at him as he watches me with such care and concern, I quietly respond, “River, my life the last two years has been . . . nothing really.” I stop to cup his gorgeous face in my hand and then continue. “I’ll tell you about it, about me during that time. Just, not now. You have to understand, it was such a sad time for me, and I don’t want to relive it right now, but I want you to know this—being with you these last few days has been the most fun I’ve experienced in such a long time.” I stop my words and kiss him, but my kiss is not soft like his. It’s intense and full of passion. He makes me want him every time he touches me and his touch pushes away any sorrowful thoughts that seem to always be lingering in my mind.
He immediately wraps his arms around me, holding me tight. It’s an odd, yet familiar feeling. We’re two people who just connected, or actually re-connected, and it feels like we’ve known each other for far longer than three days. So as we sit here together in his car, about to cross the path to the unknown, we’re in no hurry, we have nowhere to be, and it feels heavenly.
Before breaking our embrace, he slides his nose up my neck until his lips reach my ear. “Did I tell you how beautiful you look today?” he whispers. Goosebumps ravage my body, and he’s grinning as he draws his finger down my bare shoulder over the now eminent bumps. He knows that drives me wild. He’s doing it on purpose and I can’t help but smile at that thought.