With the blinking lights below, and the stars above guiding our way, River twirls me around the terrace as he sings one of my favorite songs, Addicted, by Saving Abel.
When he gets to a verse I know really well, I smirk as he makes up his own lyrics. “I’m so addicted to you, everything you do, it doesn’t matter if you’re walking or dancing, when we’re standing here, the sounds you make and the smile on your face, they’re unlike anything I’ve ever seen.”
I think how true those words are and how much they mimic the way I’m feeling right now. River is unlike anyone I have ever met. And right now I’m so happy to be with him—to be alive.
Finishing our dance by dipping me, he whispers in my ear, “Sorry about your panties.”
When he pulls me back up, I joke, “No you’re not, but they were ugly anyway.”
He laughs and tenderly cups my chin as we experience our first soft kiss of the evening. “You ready to go now? We have a hot tub waiting for us back at the hotel.”
Nodding my head, I smile, “Absolutely!”
He slings his arm around me, and I tuck my hand in his back pocket as he leads me to the coat check, both of us grinning ear to ear.
KISS YOU INSIDE OUT
Are you ready to go where I want to take you
I want to feel every inch of you
I’ll be the one that saves you
You know I will rock your world
Let me kiss you inside out.
It’s Sunday morning, only two days since River and I reconnected. Two days, but it seems so much longer. After all, it only took a minute for me to crush on him that night in the bar five years ago, it took less than an hour for me to lust after him two days ago, and, dare I say, it only took me slightly more than a day to know I could more than like him.
With our connection so strong, it seems strange that Ben keeps popping into my mind. Will it take a lifetime for me to stop thinking of him? Do I want to stop thinking about him? We were together for so long, he was such a big part of my life, and yet talking to River about him seems like a betrayal. It shouldn’t though, should it? Is it because I’m feeling guilty about not being able to recall ever having this kind of new budding feeling for Ben like I’m having for River?
Ben and I never experienced the typical milestones of a new couple. Our relationship simply happened. We just loved each other. I don’t recall unique markers like when I knew for sure I loved him or when I knew for sure he was the one I wanted to spend my life with. One day we were best friends, and then one day we were lovers. There was no single moment where I knew I loved Ben, I just always did.
So yesterday, why did I feel something happening within me that was strange and different? It felt like some alien feelings somehow crashed through the universe and knocked on my door. What were these unknown feelings I had deep within me? I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I do know that as I lie here next to him, I’m full of contentment.
I remember waking up next to Ben for the four years we lived together and countless other mornings before that, but I don’t recall ever feeling like I do now. We never cuddled with each other when we slept. Ben had his side of the bed, and I had mine. We would usually make love and fall asleep with our legs entwined or arms touching, but by morning we clearly each had our own side of the bed.
Yet, right now River is sleeping soundly, his body wrapped around mine. I’m nestled into the smooth skin that is his hard sculpted chest. He’s sleeping on the opposite side of the bed than he did Friday night. Funny, maybe he doesn’t have a side, or maybe I don’t?