There are still so many people walking the quaint streets we languidly stepped down when we arrived, but the happiness I felt then is gone. The people seem to be more hurried as well. They are huddling together, almost rushing in and out of the many bars and restaurants that line the street.
November in California isn’t usually this cold, but the dampness seems to warn of impending rain. Glancing upward in hopes of seeing some light, finding some answers, all I see are thick clouds covering any stars that I might have seen. They only allow a glimpse of the moon’s slight crescent-shaped glow and provide no guidance. Looking ahead instead of up because I know I will find no comfort from the sky tonight, I continue to walk, clutching my own body to keep warm and wondering why life has to be so complicated.
“Here, put this on,” he says, taking his jacket off and wrapping it around my bare shoulders. He walks close to me, but doesn’t touch me. “If you want to go home, the car is the other way.” Maybe I’m not as sober as I thought.
Stopping, I turn to look at him. We are toe to toe. With tears in my eyes, I say words I don’t really want to say but know I have to. “River, I think it’s time for me to go back home.”
Slumping, he closes his eyes and whispers, “Not like this. Not until we talk about everything.”
My heart breaks as I look at him but I know I have to go. “I need some time to think River. I can’t do that here.”
His eyes snap to mine, and his voice cracks in anger. “What happened to my sister has nothing to do with us. You going home and thinking isn’t going to change that or even make you understand.”
Looking at him, I hear him but choose to ignore his words. I need time to think and not in my drunken state. “I can call Aerie or Serena to come pick me up if you don’t want to take me home.” Then, remembering I didn’t bring my phone, I ask, “Can I use your phone?”
River breaks, ignoring my request; his voice grows louder than he has ever spoken to me before. “Dahlia, are you listening to me? That shit that just happened in there, that’s Xander’s life.” Motioning his finger from me to him, he continues, “I am not going to let someone’s misconceived course of events change this.”
Grabbing my shoulders with his hands, he says, “You can’t just say you are leaving. You can’t leave me again.”
I shrug out of his grip, and sway slightly as I take a step. “That’s the point River, I’m not leaving you again. I never left you five years ago because I wasn’t with you.” Tears are uncontrollably sliding down my face, my teeth are chattering, and I am freezing but I continue with what must be said. “I met a guy at a bar that I was attracted to and before things got out of hand I left. Now I find out that some unmentionable horror happened to your family because of my actions and you think we’re going to be okay?”
He flinches at my tone but tenderly places his arms on my shoulders. Dunking down so we’re at eye level he says, “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. It’s not like that.”
With complete honesty I say, “I just don’t know if I can do this. This thing we have is way more complicated than two people who are incredibly attracted to each other. Your brother is going crazy having me here. Does your sister even know any of this? And what about your mother! What will she say?”