14
AS ASHES
Clary came back to consciousness slowly, with the dizzy sensation she recalled from that first morning in the Institute, when she had woken with no idea of where she was. Her whole body ached, and her head felt as if someone had smashed an iron barbell into it. She was lying on her side, her head pillowed on something rough, and there was a weight around her shoulder. Glancing down, she saw a slim hand, pressed protectively against her sternum. She recognized the Marks, the faint white scars, even the blue mapping of veins across his forearm. The weight inside her chest eased, and she sat up carefully, slipping out from under Jace’s arm.
They were in his bedroom. She recognized the incredible neatness, the carefully made bed with its hospital corners. It still wasn’t disarranged. Jace was asleep, propped up against the headboard, still in the same clothes he’d worn the night before. He even had his shoes on. He had clearly fallen asleep holding her, though she had no recollection of it. He was still splattered with the odd silvery substance from the club.
He stirred slightly, as if sensing that she was gone, and wrapped his free arm around himself. He didn’t look injured or hurt, she thought, just exhausted, his long dark gold eyelashes curled in the hollow of the shadows beneath his eyes. He looked vulnerable asleep—a little boy. He could have been her Jace.
But he wasn’t. She remembered the nightclub, his hands on her in the dark, the bodies and blood. Her stomach churned, and she put a hand over her mouth, swallowing down nausea. She felt sickened by what she remembered, and underneath the sickness was a nagging prickle, the sense that she was missing something.
Something important.
“Clary.”
She turned. Jace’s eyes were half-open; he was looking at her through his lashes, the gold of his eyes dulled with exhaustion. “Why are you awake?” he said. “It’s barely dawn.”
Her hands bunched in the tangle of blankets. “Last night,” she said, her voice uneven. “The bodies—the blood—”
“The what?”
“That’s what I saw.”
“I didn’t.” He shook his head. “Faerie drugs,” he said. “You knew…”
“It seemed so real.”
“I’m sorry.” His eyes closed. “I wanted to have fun. It’s supposed to make you happy. Make you see pretty things. I thought we would have fun together.”
“I saw blood,” she said. “And dead people floating in tanks—”
He shook his head, his lashes fluttering down. “None of it was real…”
“Even what happened with you and me—?” Clary broke off, because his eyes were closed, his chest rising and falling steadily. He was asleep.
She rose to her feet, not looking at Jace, and went into the bathroom. She stood looking at herself in the mirror, numbness spreading through her bones. She was covered in smears of silvery residue. It reminded her of the time a metallic pen had burst inside her backpack, ruining everything in it. One of her bra straps had snapped, probably where Jace had yanked on it the night before. Her eyes were surrounded with smeared black stripes of mascara, and her skin and hair were sticky with silver.
Feeling faint and sick, she stripped off the slip dress and her underwear, tossing them into the wastebasket before crawling into the hot water.
She washed her hair over and over again, trying to get the dried silver gunk out. It was like trying to wash out oil paint. The scent of it lingered too, like the water from a vase after the flowers have rotted, faint and sweet and spoiled on her skin. No amount of soap seemed to be able to get rid of it.
Finally convinced she was as clean as she was going to get, she dried off and went to the master bedroom to get dressed. It was a relief to climb back into jeans and boots and slip on a comfortable cotton sweater. It was only then, as she pulled on her second boot, that the nagging feeling returned, the feeling that she was missing something. She froze.
Her ring. The gold ring that let her speak to Simon.
It was gone.
Frantically she searched for it, tearing through the wastebasket to see if the ring had gotten caught on her dress, then searching every inch of Jace’s room while he slept peacefully on. She combed through the carpet, the bedclothes, checking the nightstand drawers.
At last she sat back, her heart slamming against her chest, a sick feeling in her stomach.
The ring was gone. Lost, somewhere, somehow. She tried to remember the last time she’d seen it. Surely it had flashed on her hand while she’d wielded that dagger against the Elapid demons. Had it fallen off in the junk store? In the nightclub?
She dug her nails into her blue-jeaned thighs until the pain made her gasp. Focus, she told herself. Focus.
Maybe the ring had fallen from her finger somewhere else in the apartment. Probably Jace had carried her upstairs at some point. It was a small chance, but every chance had to be explored.
She rose to her feet and went as soundlessly as she could out into the hallway. She moved toward Sebastian’s room, and hesitated. She couldn’t imagine why the ring would be in there, and waking him up would only be counterproductive. She turned around and made her way down the stairs instead, walking carefully to mask the sound of her boots.
Her mind was racing. With no way to contact Simon, what was she going to do? She needed to tell him about the antiques shop, the adamas. She should have talked to him sooner. She wanted to punch the wall, but she forced her mind to slow down, to consider her options. Sebastian and Jace were beginning to trust her; if she could get away from them briefly, on a busy city street, she could use a pay phone to call Simon. She could duck into an Internet café and e-mail him. She knew more about mundane technology than they did. Losing the ring didn’t mean it was over.
She would not give up.
Her mind was so occupied with thoughts of what to do next that at first she didn’t see Sebastian. Fortunately, he had his back to her. He stood in the living room, facing the wall.
Already at the bottom of the staircase, Clary froze, then darted across the floor and flattened herself against the half wall that separated the kitchen from the larger room. There was no reason to panic, she told herself. She lived here. If Sebastian saw her, she could say she had come downstairs for a glass of water.
But the chance to observe him without his knowledge was too tempting. She turned her body slightly, peering over and around the kitchen counter.
Sebastian still had his back to her. He had changed his clothes since the nightclub. The army jacket was gone; he wore a button-down shirt and jeans. As he turned, and his shirt lifted, she could see that his weapon belt was slung around his waist. As he raised his right hand, she saw that he held his stele—and there was something about the way he held it, just for a moment, with a careful thoughtfulness, that reminded her of the way her mother held a paintbrush.
She closed her eyes. It felt like fabric snagging on a hook, the jerk inside her heart when she recognized something in Sebastian that reminded her of her mother or herself. That reminded her that however much of his blood was poison, just as much was the same blood that ran in her own veins.
She opened her eyes again, in time to see a doorway form in front of Sebastian. He reached for a scarf that hung on a peg on the wall, and stepped out into darkness.
Clary had a split second to decide. Stay and search the rooms, or follow Sebastian and see where he was going. Her feet made the choice before her mind did. Spinning away from the wall, she darted through the dark opening of the door moments before it closed behind her.