It was late when I got back to Eastleigh. I fell into my cot feeling too chafed and hard kissed to sleep, but I did sleep. Just after dawn, I rose to do my work as ever. There was another race to prepare for, and the things that had happened with Boy and, before that, with Jock had to be swept off to the side of my attention. I wouldn’t have known what to do about them anyway.
Jock didn’t turn up until after my second horse, Shadow Country, had run and came a respectable third. Instead of appearing the way he had the day before, stepping into my limelight, he waited until after the clamour had cleared and then approached me as if nothing at all were amiss between us, trailed by Cockie Birkbeck and a slight, dark-haired fellow who wasn’t a bit like Bror Blixen. He turned out to be her husband, Ben.
If I gave Cockie a curious look, she didn’t seem rattled. Instead, she congratulated me on the day’s race, and then Jock explained that Ben was thinking about getting more seriously into horses and suggested the four of us get a drink.
I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Jock to grab hold of me again, to threaten or warn me, or for him to do something—anything—to suggest he had somehow learned about Boy Long. But it seemed this moment was all about business.
“When Ben finds the right horse, you should train him,” Jock said when we were settled with cocktails at a watering hole.
“If Delamere will spare you,” Ben added. “I’m also keen on your part of the country. There’s a plot of land near your place I’ve had my eye on.”
We set a date for the couple to come out and have a look at Njoro, and then Cockie made it clear that all this business talk was dull, and we two girls excused ourselves and moved to a table of our own. When we’d settled out of earshot, she said, “Sorry if Blix and I scared you away last night. It’s not often we’re alone. Being married to other people will do that.” She made a face and took off her cloche hat, patting her honey-coloured hair. “We met when he took Ben and me on safari. Blix always seduces the wives if he’s given enough time. He likes them trembling with fear, I suppose…at the precipice of mortal danger.” She raised a feathery eyebrow. “I don’t think he counted on keeping me, but that was almost two years ago.”
“That’s a long time for things to be so intricate. Does Ben suspect?”
“I think so, not that we have the bad taste to talk about it. He’s got his own entanglements, too.” She gave me a complicated smile. “You’ve heard the joke, haven’t you? Are you married or do you live in Kenya?”
“That’s funny.” I shook my head. “And sort of awful, too.” Only the day before, Cockie’s dark joke wouldn’t have included me, but now it did. “Is love always such a mess, do you suppose?”
“Maybe not everywhere, but the rules are different here. It’s sort of assumed you’ll have dalliances or go crazy…but discretion still plays an essential part. You can do anything as long as the right people stay shielded. And the funny thing is, that doesn’t always mean your spouse.”
I absorbed her words slowly, a sobering sort of schooling on the ways of a world that had always resided somewhere else, for other people. “And you’ll carry on like this?”
“You say it as if I’m doomed. It’s not as bad as all that.” She reached for the bottle on the table between us and freshened our drinks. “Ben isn’t hard to manage, but Blix’s wife, Karen, likes the title too much to part with it. He’s made her a baroness.” She sighed. “The whole thing has got rather baroque. Karen and I are friends, or were, in any case. Blix asked her for a divorce and told her he was in love with me, probably thinking it would soften the blow.” She shook her head. “Now she won’t speak to me.”
“Why would anyone fight to stay married if they knew the other desperately wanted to leave?” I was thinking of Jock, of course.
“I don’t pretend to understand any of it,” Cockie breathed, “but Karen seems determined to test Blix at every step.”
I had never been good at sharing my thoughts and feelings the way she was doing so easily, but her openness made me want to try. I also wanted her advice…some bit of wisdom that might help see me through my present tangle. “I was too young to get married,” I told her, glancing behind me to make sure Jock and Ben were still distracted by each other. “Now I’m trying to pull away, but Jock won’t hear of it.”
“That must be hard,” she said. “But honestly, if I hadn’t had the bad luck of falling in love, I can’t say I’d be keen for a divorce, either.”
“You wouldn’t want to be free, just on your own?”
“To do what?”
“Live, I suppose. Make your own choices or mistakes, without anyone telling you what you can and can’t do.”
She shook her head as if I’d said something absurd. “Society does that, darling, even if there isn’t a strapping husband on hand. Haven’t you learned that yet? I’m not sure anyone gets what they want. Not really.”
“But you’re trying now.” I felt exasperated and a little confused. “You sound cynical, but you’re in love with Blix.”
“I know.” Her forehead wrinkled prettily as she frowned. “Isn’t that the silliest thing you ever heard?”