“I know better, Mase. I’ve always known better. I’m just tired. So tired of everything. Sometimes… sometimes I want to disappear completely.”
He reached out and put his hand on my thigh, giving it a squeeze. I looked down at it, feeling slightly uncomfortable from the direct contact.
“I don’t want you to disappear.”
I didn’t ask him to help me escape my parents. It was another futile endeavour. I’d tried before and he’d told me to stick it out. Said he couldn’t interfere with what Stuart wanted. Mason gave with one hand by taking care of me when things got out of hand but took with the other by refusing to do anything about the abuse. And so my feelings towards the man I thought of as a brother figure were all fucked up. A mess of conflicting emotions I buried to survive.
“I’m still here, aren’t I?”
He withdrew his hand as if sensing it made me uncomfortable. Then he shifted to his feet, picking up the things he brought in here, including the lamp.
“Yeah, you are. But I wish you wouldn’t say things like that.”
I didn’t answer him. He didn’t understand my pain. I don’t think anyone could. Turning away, I stared at the wall, wishing he would leave me alone again. Whilst I appreciated his gesture, I wanted to cry myself to sleep and pretend it wasn’t the one day of the year that made me feel like I was dying. Birthdays should be a happy event. Not for the first time, I wished I didn’t feel so empty from it.
“I’m sorry I can’t make today better for you.”
When I continued refusing to respond to him, Mason left, taking all the light with him. The door shut and tears slid down my cheeks.
Please… if there’s someone out there, set me free. Please, set me free.
One day… one day I’d find my freedom. I’d find those missing pieces. And I’d hold on to them tight. Then we’d never be separated again.
Two
Francis
Setting my book down on the bedside table, I looked over at the clock. My brow furrowed when I realised Scarlett had been gone for well over an hour. I didn’t think her conversation with Drake would take that long. It needed to happen, but the Scarlett-sized void in my bed had me feeling off.
I got up, slipping from bed and stretched. My gut told me to find out where she’d got to. My feet carried me over to my bedroom door. I yanked it open and stepped out, almost running headlong into Drake. He stepped back and gave me an odd look.
“What’s wrong?”
I rubbed my face before looking up and down the hallway. My eyes went back to Drake. Unease spread across me, gathering speed like a tsunami was about to hit. Like it was about to drown us all in a fresh new hell.
“Isn’t Scarlett with you?”
He blinked.
“No, I sent her to bed like twenty minutes ago.”
My stomach churned.
“She was meant to come back to me after she spoke to you.”
Drake’s brow creased, his indigo eyes filling with concern.
“I didn’t see her downstairs. You don’t think she got intercepted by Pres or West?”
I couldn’t imagine why. She’d spent all day with West. And Prescott wouldn’t have wanted to interrupt my night with her.
“No, but we should check with them.”
Somehow, I knew she wouldn’t be with Prescott or West, but where else would she have got to? Scarlett had no reason not to come to bed with me. I’d told her I loved her. I already knew she loved me, but us exchanging those words had been a profound moment for me. Now, I wanted my girl in bed, curled up against me whilst I fell asleep. I already missed her beautiful face.
Drake nodded and walked towards Prescott’s door as it was the closest and knocked rapidly. A minute later, a rather rumpled looking Prescott dressed only in boxers appeared and openly glared at Drake.
“What do you want? I was asleep.”
“Is Scarlett with you?”
“No, why would she be? She’s spending the night with Francis.” His eyes darted over to me. Then his expression changed. “Why isn’t she with you?”
Drake’s expression grew grim, but he ignored Prescott and strode towards West’s door, slamming his hand down on it twice. It took less than thirty seconds for the door to be wrenched open.
“What the fuck do you want?”
West looked ready to go to battle, even if he was also only in his boxers.
“Scarlett.”
“What about her? I thought she was spending the night with Frankie.”
It was then I finally allowed myself to panic. To truly feel the dread curling in my gut.
“She’s not with you.”
“No.”
“Fuck.”
West stepped out and looked at the three of us, his irritation morphing into concern.
“What is going on?” Prescott asked, putting his hands on his hips.
Drake didn’t respond. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides as if he was trying to control his reaction to learning Scarlett might be gone. Hell, I knew it in my fucking bones. She wasn’t here.
“We are not going to jump to conclusions. She could still be here.”
“Drake, what the fuck is going on?”
I rubbed my arm before deciding I wasn’t going to stand here and hash it out with them. We needed to find out what happened. And we needed to do it now.
“She went to see Drake on the roof an hour ago and was meant to come back to me. Drake said he sent her down to bed twenty minutes ago. So excuse me if I want to jump to fucking conclusions,” I ground out.
Then I was moving towards the stairs, heedless of the fact I wasn’t fully dressed. Nothing was more important than finding her.
“You can’t go around the building dressed like that,” Drake called after me.
“Get me some fucking clothes then,” I shouted back, taking the stairs two by two.
Scarlett would have left the roof by the stairwell. Only very few people had access to it. You had to have the right code to open any of the doors. Of course, in an emergency, they would unlock. There was another stairwell in the building, but this one was for our personal use.
I shouldered open the door, walking into it and looking around. Drake hadn’t noticed anything untoward, but maybe he hadn’t been paying attention. I walked up the first flight of stairs, trying to see if there was anything different. I don’t know why I was so sure she was gone. My body felt her absence. It was as if I was attuned to her on some cellular level, which was fucking crazy. When you grow up with coincidence like the circumstances of our birth, it made things like fate and destiny seem real. Feel fucking real. I didn’t care if it was crazy. I fucking knew.
“Francis,” came Drake’s voice.
“I’m up here.”
“We should check the security footage to see where she went.”
“Where’s Pres and West?”
“Getting dressed.”
My eyes searched the stairwell, but I couldn’t see anything out of place. Quietly cursing to myself, I searched up the next set of stairs. Drake had closed the roof door. I wasn’t going to check outside. There was no way she was still up there.
I made my way back down the stairs and found Drake with a pile of clothes in his hand.