“Just do it,” Ryan growled.
She left the room, grumbling under her breath, but as soon as she was away, she broke into a huge smile. Her heart felt as light as it had so many years ago. The love of her husbands was constant. It was true. It was her shelter.
LILY drove aimlessly, her direction unclear. The wipers moved across her windshield, melting the spiraling snowflakes in a wet path across the glass.
Instinctively she turned toward home and the road at the edge of town that led upward to the cabin where she lived with Seth, Michael, and Dillon.
When she pulled into the drive, she parked and sat for a long moment before opening the door. A whoosh of cold air skittered over her. She shivered but plunged out into the chill, needing something to center her.
She dragged her sweater around her and trudged through the snow toward the back of the house where her husbands had built a private memorial to Rose. It had been a gift to her, a place where she could go and be at peace, surrounded by the mountains and the quiet.
The rose of Sharon vine that covered a trellis framing a spectacular vista was brown and withered, the burst of color long gone since winter had descended on the mountains.
She perched on the edge of a wooden bench that Dillon had crafted with his own hands. Intricately carved on the seat was a flowering vine mirroring the one on the trellis. Roses for Rose.
Tears crowded her vision as she looked up. She inhaled deeply, taking in the cold, crisp air. Snowflakes landed on her lashes and she blinked them, and her tears, away.
But they continued, warm trails down her cheeks, quickly turning to ice.
“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered. “Help me.”
Her chest swelled with grief and sadness. And fear. So much fear that it threatened to overwhelm her.
“I don’t know if I can do this. I know I was angry with you for taking her from me. I don’t deserve your mercy or understanding, but I need your help.”
She wiped ineffectually at the tears that ran in streams down her cheeks. Emotion knotted thick in her throat until breathing was nearly impossible.
Losing Rose had nearly destroyed her. She would still be so very lost if it weren’t for Seth and his brothers. Seth had taken a young woman from the streets and given her so much love. A family. To her bewilderment, his two brothers had loved her as much as Seth had. There were times she still couldn’t wrap her mind around the dynamics of her relationship with the Colter brothers, but she gave thanks for them every single day.
They’d saved her. Given her a reason to live again. They’d given back to her when everything in the world had been cruelly yanked from her.
They’d given her the strength to confront her past. To go to Charles, her former husband, stand up for herself, and tell him he’d been wrong to blame her for their baby daughter’s death.
But nothing could give her back her baby.
And now she was pregnant. Another child. A precious gift.
What if she lost it as well?
It wasn’t that she didn’t trust her husbands. They’d promised her that if and when she was ready to ever have another child, they’d be with her every step of the way and she’d never have to shoulder the burden alone.
But what if it happened anyway?
Sudden infant death syndrome.
Just thinking the words paralyzed her.
How would she be able to sleep for fear of having her baby snatched away in the space of a stolen moment of rest?
“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered again.
She closed her eyes and bowed her head, whispering the first tentative words of a prayer she’d gone long without saying.
Warmth slid over her as the sun peeked from the thick cover of puffy gray clouds. She opened her eyes and lifted her head as a single ray slipped over her, warming her skin, a barrier to the cold.
The wind picked up and the trees rustled and swayed. The scent of pine was strong and the breeze dried the wetness on her cheeks.