“What for? For being human and being scared?” Dillon asked quietly. “Lily, you don’t have to put on a brave front with us. You don’t have to pretend.”
Michael smoothed a hand over her hair and then leaned in to press a kiss to the top of her head. On her other side, Seth slid his hand over hers and laced their fingers together.
“How do you feel about it?” Seth asked softly.
“Scared,” she admitted. It felt good to say it out loud. To get it out there. “It caught me off guard. I wasn’t prepared and so when I learned that I was for sure pregnant, all the grief over Rose just came back. All the old fears. For a while I was back there in that time, feeling just as I felt then. Exhausted, helpless, alone. Oh God, I don’t want to ever feel that way again.”
Michael pulled her back into his arms and she laid her head back against his chest while Seth still held tightly to her hand. “I’m sorry, Lily. We were so careful, or we tried to be. You have to know we wouldn’t have you feel this way for anything in the world. We just want you to be happy, and if that meant never having a child, we were okay with that.”
She appreciated the sentiment, but she was beyond the what-ifs now. She didn’t have the luxury of imagining or weighing whether she ever wanted to have another child or not. It was here. Her reality. She was pregnant, and she’d never ever do anything to change that fact.
“I want this baby,” she said quietly, fiercely. “I’m scared out of my mind, but I want it. I love him or her already.”
A shiver stole over her. Dillon peeled off his coat and arranged it around her body so she would have it and Michael’s body for warmth.
Seth raised the hand he still held and kissed her palm and then each finger. “We’ll be here for you, Lily. I need you to trust in that. We’ll never let you down. No one will ever be more loved than you and that baby.”
Her heart melted and some of the awful fear that had held her captive for so long loosened and slipped away.
“I know. I do trust you. I love you all so very much. I just need some time. To adjust. I’m so sorry I ruined the moment. It should have been special.”
Dillon put a finger over her lips. “You are what’s special to us. It’s going to be different this time, Lily. I swear it.”
She glanced at the faces of her husbands, at the earnest determination in their eyes. Saw the love—love for her—reflected in their depths.
Yes, it would be different this time, and she had faith—in them, and in herself—that this time her miracle wouldn’t slip away.
CHAPTER 9
ADAM Colter watched as his wife, Holly, decorated the huge family Christmas tree with Ethan and Ryan hovering to make sure she didn’t fall off the ladder.
It’s not that they wouldn’t have been more than happy to decorate while she oversaw the project, but Holly was determined that she hang every ornament and exclaim over each one as she did so. Every single one reflected a memory for the Colter family through the years, and each Christmas the tree grew heavier with those collected memories.
Maybe it was his age, but he seemed to grow more nostalgic with each passing year. He’d watched his children grow up under this very roof. He and his brothers had watched their wife blossom under their love and protective umbrella, and in return she’d given them something so infinitely precious that they could never want for more.
Now his children had spread their wings. They’d left the nest and yet they were all right here, surrounding him. All had come back. There had been several points in his life when he couldn’t have imagined being happier. The births of his children. Callie being born in the meadow. Holly returning to him and his brothers when they’d thought they’d lost her. But nothing compared to right here, right now.
His wife slipped her arms around his waist and hugged him to her. “What has you so deep in thought over here?”