MY FATHER LIVES IN BOSTON. Only argument Aunt Nancy and I ever had was about him, so again, another topic rarely broached and even less frequently considered. But yes, I have a father. Rich guy. On his fifth, sixth wife, last I heard. I have siblings, too, half siblings I guess. I’ve never met any of them, and I have no illusions my father is any more of a parent to them than he is to me.
My dad has a sperm donor approach to fatherhood. Meet a young pretty girl, knock her up. If she’s young enough, pretty enough, surgically enhanced enough, maybe marry her, too. Until of course, the next young pretty thing comes along, in which case, hey, he’s a guy; he can’t help himself.
I guess he met my mother while on vacation at the grand old Mount Washington Hotel in Bretton Woods. She was seventeen and working as a housekeeper. He was thirty and looking for entertainment. According to Aunt Nancy, my mother told him she was pregnant. He didn’t marry her, but sent money. Sperm donor, check writer. See, a hell of a guy.
He never followed up on my care. At least that’s how the story goes. Lost touch with my mother in the very beginning, which surprises me a little. Not that he’d let me go, but that my mother would let him go. Maybe she tried. But she would’ve been a mountain mouse and he’s some big city finance guy, came from money, makes even more money, has a long and enduring value system wrapped up in his own self-importance. She probably never stood a chance.
I guess the cops in upstate New York called him first, after the incident. My mother had his name listed as the emergency contact, though no phone number. Police, however, are a bit more skilled than mentally ill twenty-five-year-olds, so within a matter of days, they tracked him down. He was not in the country, however. Paris, London, Amsterdam. I don’t recall.
He bounced them to Aunt Nancy, who did the honors of assuming responsibility for a niece she’d never met. Even then, she ran a business, the call came out of the blue, so it took a few more days while she made it from the wilds of New Hampshire to the even deeper wilds of upstate New York.
Those days remained hazy for me. I remembered waking up in the hospital. I remembered being surprised that I was alive. Then I remembered feeling deeply, deeply disappointed.
A social worker sat bedside. She had black hair cut in a short bob that showed off a sharp, angular face. Not a kind-looking person. Not maternal. She looked hard and spoke in a clipped voice.
The doctors had removed my appendix, maybe some other things. Apparently, spending years eating small doses of glass and rat poison was not good for various internal organs. But I was healing well, she’d assured me. I’d be just fine.
And again, I was so deeply, deeply disappointed.
I never spoke to her. Or the nurses. Or the doctors. They had betrayed me. They had forced me to live. I’d hated them for that.
Eventually, my aunt had arrived. She’d taken my hand, and that quickly I went from being my mother’s child to being my aunt’s niece.
That was the best thing that had ever happened to me.
Aunt Nancy was my mother’s older sister by six years. She had silver-gray hair cut Brillo short. Premature gray hair ran in the family, I was told. Like blue eyes and strong jawlines. But the gray color suited my aunt, brought out her steel blue eyes, her high cheekbones. My aunt could care less. If my mother was obsessed with male attention, then my aunt was equally obsessed with keeping men at arm’s length.
When their parents died in an auto accident—in New Hampshire you’ll notice lots of signs advising you to brake for moose; you really should— my aunt took over the parenting role. My mom was a wild one, even back then. And my aunt was the responsible one, even back then. Needless to say, their relationship was strained even before my mom got knocked up by a wealthy Boston financier.
They went their separate ways until one day, the phone rang and my aunt learned about an incident, a niece, and yet one more unexpected life change.
Like any kid, I never appreciated my aunt, until one night, my own phone rang with news of an incident, a tragedy, an unexpected loss. And I turned to my aunt for guidance, because given a choice between being my mother’s daughter and being my aunt’s niece, I’d take niecedom any day of the week.