“I know you won’t hurt me,” she said, lowering her mouth to his. “I trust you, Ash. I do. I’m not just saying that. You have to know how hard this is for me. But I’m good with my decision. I know it’s the right one. You don’t have to prove that to me.”
“Yeah, I do,” he refuted. “Every day. I have to show you every day what you’ll mean to me. That’s on me. And we’ll get there. This—you—are important to me. I’m going to make sure you know that at all times.”
She leaned in, laying her head on his shoulder, her body settling over his. He felt so good. So solid and strong. He didn’t have to work at making her feel safe. She did feel safe. Just being close to him.
“First thing we need to talk about is medical exams and birth control.”
She lifted her head back up, one eyebrow raised in question.
“I don’t want to use condoms. Not with you. I want to be able to come inside you, on you. In order for us to do that, you need to have an alternate method of birth control and we also both need tests so we know we’re both clean, although I’ll tell you now, Josie. Not sure what you did with Michael, but I use condoms. Never haven’t. And it’s been a while for me. Not since . . .”
He broke off and shook his head. “That will come in a bit.”
She cocked her head to the side. “What will come?”
“The circumstance surrounding the last time I had sex with a woman,” Ash said in a serious tone. “I’ll get to that. But right now there are other things we need to get settled.”
The way he said it made her concerned. Her brow furrowed and he reached up, curling his hand around her nape to pull her down so his lips settled against her forehead.
“Michael and I used condoms,” she said quietly. “He’s the only man I’ve been with in two years. And I’m already on birth control.”
“You good with my word or you want a copy of my last medical exam?” he asked.
She frowned, wondering if this was some kind of a test. If she said she wanted a copy of his medical report, would it seem that she didn’t trust him? Was he asking her if she trusted him this far? But if she didn’t ask for it, if she said his word was good enough, that was taking a huge leap. And her life was too important to take those kinds of risks.
“I’d like the copy,” she said.
He nodded, seemingly unbothered by her request.
“I’ll make sure you get it this afternoon.”
“What about me?” she asked. “Do you want me to be tested? The last time I saw a doctor was three months ago. Obviously I’ve had sex since then.”
“I’ll arrange it for this afternoon.”
Her eyes widened. “I can’t get an appointment with my doctor that quickly.”
“We’ll use mine. He’ll see you,” Ash said confidently.
She nodded.
“Now we need to discuss our arrangement here. At this apartment.”
“Okay.”
She hadn’t meant it to sound hesitant. But things seemed much simpler in the abstract. Now that they were actually hashing out specifics, she was nervous and on edge.
“No way to do this except to be blunt,” Ash said, his voice soothing. “I know you’re nervous, but we’ll talk it out and then deal.”
She took a deep breath and then nodded.
“This apartment is not convenient to public transportation. Which is just as well, because I’d prefer having the security of knowing you’re safe when you leave here. Which means that my driver will take me to work in the mornings and pick me up in the afternoons. Between those times he’ll return here and be at your disposal. But, and this is not me being a controlling asshole, I want to know where you go, when you go, and I want to know you’re safe while you’re doing it.
“Now we need to sort your apartment out and get what you need from there. You’ll move it here, whatever you need. I have an office and extra bedrooms. You can use whatever space you like to paint or draw. I thought the living room might be the best choice simply because you’ll have more light and you’ll have the view of the river.”