Michael tried to control the expression on his face. The absolute indignation on Jamie’s was killing him. His parents had never been the same after Daniel disappeared. Before DD—long ago Michael had divided up his life into Before DD and After DD—he’d simply thought his parents connected better with Daniel, as if they understood the chemical wiring in Daniel’s brain versus the ricocheting impulses that bounced through Michael’s.
At many points in a child’s life, one wonders what it’d be like to be an only child. Michael had experienced that daydream often, assuming all his parents’ focus would be on him…as an adult he’d often thanked God that hadn’t happened. He and his parents would have gone nuts if they’d tried to shape Michael into their own image. Looking back, he’d been grateful that Daniel had meshed so well with them and kept the focus off himself. Once Daniel was gone, the focus never shifted. It’d stayed on Daniel. And Michael had spread his wings. And spread. Usually to the point of risking his neck.
Mountain climbing, check. Run with the bulls in Spain, check. Crab boat trapping in the Bering Sea, check. Infiltrate a Los Angeles biker gang for an exposé on crime, check. That one had nearly cost him his life. He still had the knife scars on his gut and an intense dislike of the harsh tequila that they’d all drunk by the gallon. No margaritas for him, thank you.
“I know my parents cared,” he said. It felt like an over-spoken line in a play. Lifeless and meaningless. Deep down, he knew they’d cared, but for some twisted reason, they couldn’t show it. A therapist had once theorized that they were afraid of the pain of losing another child, so they tried to keep their distance, protecting themselves if something happened to Michael. And perhaps that was why he thrived on risk. Trying to coax a reaction out of his parents.
Michael had stared at the therapist, pulled three hundred dollars out of his wallet, slapped it on the table, walked out, and never returned. Why pay money for what he already knew? What he wanted was someone to fix it. Fix them. Fix him. Give him the family he’d never had, the one that lived in movies and books. It existed; he just had to find it.
Lacey Campbell was the closest thing he had to family. She was the little sister who mothered him when he needed it, sent him to get a haircut, and stocked his fridge when it only held beer and three-day-old pizza. They’d tried romance, but it’d failed. Miserably. Friendship worked best. For a long time, he’d pretended the friendship was fine with him, believing that if he stuck close and waited, it’d evolve into more and it’d be right the second time around. That dream had crashed and burned with the presence of her fiancé. He’d wanted to murder the man at first, but now…he accepted it.
Michael stopped his vehicle in front of a squat brick building in the small town, a large sheriff sign over the door. The town was quiet, one main drag through a row of storefronts, a couple of people moving from store to store. A few empty storefronts echoed the recession that’d stomped on the nation in the last few years. He killed the engine and rolled down his window, surprised that it wasn’t as hot as he’d expected for the dry town in the middle of summer. The elevation must keep it a bit cooler. Jamie lowered her window, too.
“Most parents care in one way or another,” stated Jamie. “But some just have a fucked-up time showing it. I’ve seen parents who can never look their child in the eye but threaten to kick my ass if their child flunks an assignment.” She rolled her eyes.
Michael snorted. “I know my parents cared,” he repeated. Perhaps if he kept saying it out loud he’d really feel it. He shifted in his seat. He wasn’t ready to go into the sheriff’s office just yet. Jamie hadn’t moved either. There was an aura of openness in the vehicle that he didn’t want to lose. Jamie looked at the sign on the building, and her eyes softened.
“Luna County. I love the sound of that. The word Luna sounds so much prettier than moon. I wonder if the moon seems bigger out here. I went camping in Central Oregon once. The sky seemed so big, the stars brighter, and the moon closer.”
Michael stared at her profile. He grabbed every available chance to study her features when she wasn’t looking at him. The woman was gorgeous. Gorgeous in the way of fresh and healthy. Not because of makeup and hair product. She dressed minimally, shorts and tanks. Little makeup or fussing with her hair. She let the glow of her skin and toned muscles subtly grab attention. And her eyes…that color…outlined with the black lashes. He could stare forever. He’d memorized the outside, now he wanted to know what was inside. He didn’t remember her from their private school. She had been several years behind him and too young to go on the field trip. Then her parents had yanked her out of school and homeschooled her after the children vanished.
“What did your parents do that day?” he asked.
Her gaze fell to her hands, playing with the hem of her shorts. “They were in shock. The school called and told my mother they were trying to find the bus. She simply sat by the phone for the rest of the day and stared into space. I remember watching cartoons, thrilled that she didn’t care how long I watched that day. Usually there was a strict time limit. That day she didn’t care. She called my father, but he couldn’t leave work. When he got home, he joined her…waiting at the table. I was the only one to eat dinner. They sat there and watched me eat. It felt weird, but I knew my brother would be home soon. I figured the bus was just lost.” Jamie turned her face away, looking out her side window as her voice went quieter. “It was like they knew he wasn’t coming. Looking back, I swear they had no hope at all.”
“And the day Chris returned?” Michael felt a brief rush of jealousy at the survivor and his family. It faded rapidly as Jamie turned her green gaze to him.
“They didn’t believe it. It wasn’t until they actually saw him in the hospital that they let themselves believe. They’d lost all hope. Absolutely all hope. Those two years were so dark. I look at pictures from Christmas during those two years. I can see the despair in their eyes even as they smiled for the camera. My mother stayed in the hospital with Chris until he came home. She wouldn’t leave.”
“Wasn’t he there for three months or so?”
Jamie nodded. “It seemed like forever. He was in a coma for a few weeks. I think the doctors induced it to allow his brain injuries to heal. He had five surgeries on his face and more on his right leg. I kept waiting for everything to return to normal, but his medical issues dragged on and on. It never was the same around our house. I thought joy would return. Instead, I still heard my mother cry at night and watched my father’s liquor supply dwindle and refresh.
“Christmas pictures from then on weren’t much different. My parents still had shadows in their eyes, and Chris would never look at the camera. The left side of his face was so bad, he always turned it away, hating his looks. My parents finally stopped taking pictures of him.” Jamie frowned. “That seems so wrong now. But it wasn’t because they were ashamed of him; it was what he wanted. He was so withdrawn. He acted like he didn’t want the world to know he existed. When reporters would come around every few years, he wouldn’t come out of his room for days. I think it was nearly a relief to my parents when he moved out.”
“That’s horrible.”
“I agree,” she nodded thoughtfully. “But the stress was hard on them. Of course, it was worse when he’d vanished, but living with the shell of the child who returned was difficult. Therapy went nowhere. He was only content being alone, working on his computer. It’s hard to be a parent when your child is untouchable. When you want to help but nothing works.”
Silence filled the vehicle. Not an uncomfortable silence. A commonality. A connection. Michael reached over and squeezed her hand. Jamie glanced down at the gesture, a small smile curving her lips, and then she met his gaze.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Yes, I do. I hated your family for years. I hated your brother, I hated your parents, and I hated you for getting your brother back when I had nothing.”
Jamie’s face blanched.
“But I didn’t get it,” he added quickly. “I was a kid. It was my outlet. It was easy to hate faceless people. I just wanted my brother back. Still do. I think any shrink would say it was a pretty normal reaction.”
Color slowly seeped back to her cheeks. “I understand. I probably would have been the same way.”
He held tight to her hand and felt the pressure returned. Warmth spread through his chest, and she smiled. A real smile, not a fake I-don’t-believe-a-word-you’re-saying smile.
“God, you are gorgeous,” he blurted.
Her eyes crinkled in mirth, and she chuckled. His heart double-thumped. If he’d thought she was beautiful before…
She pulled her hand from his and touched his cheek. “You’re not so bad yourself, Brody.” Her gaze moved from his eyes to his mouth, and the heat in his chest flared.
“Christ.” He couldn’t breathe.
She chuckled again and ran a finger across his upper lip. “Ready to go find that sheriff?”
Michael blinked. He’d completely forgotten their purpose. How did women shift gears so fast? “Uh…sure.” He didn’t sound sure at all.
Jamie unbuckled her seatbelt and opened her door, swinging sleek legs out. Michael bit the inside of his cheek. She slammed her door and glanced at him through the open window. He hadn’t moved.
“You coming?”
He felt glued to his seat. And it wasn’t from the heat. Something about their conversation and the touch of her hand on his face had utterly undone him. His heart had moved into a foreign position, and he was clueless how to handle it. He swallowed hard, feeling like he was about to step out of a plane. With no parachute. He reached for his door handle.
“Always.”