This was it. Jared could push me, hurt me, take what he wanted, but showing him that he had hurt, but not broken me, was how I won. Euphoria settled in my stomach as waves of contentment washed over me.
Free.
“What was that monologue from? Mrs. Penley, she made people cry! How is anyone going to live up to that? And we’re allowed to swear?” One of the girls from my compass jokingly complained.
“I’m sure you’ll do fine, and Tate, that was wonderful. You really set the bar. I don’t remember that one on the list, though, so I trust everything will be in your essay?”
I nodded as I headed back to my seat, figuring I’d deal with that part later. The bell rung and people started for the door, ready to be done with the day.
“Great job, Tate!”
“Wow!
People I’d never spoken to patted me on the back and offered compliments. Jared drifted out of class, like the fuse on a stick of dynamite. Only this time, I was free from the explosion. I let him go, not even sparing any effort to make it look like I didn’t care.
I’d bared my soul up there, and now the ball was in his court.
“Tate.” Ben walked up to my desk as I grabbed my bag. “That was great. Are you sure you want to waste your time on medicine and not go into theater or something?” He took my bag off my shoulder and hung it over his own.
I headed for the door as he followed behind.
“Are you okay? You were crying.” He sounded genuinely concerned.
I turned to face him and plastered a no-effort grin on my face. “I’m great. And I would love to go to the race with you this weekend.”
He looked surprised by my change of subject, but his eye lit up as he grabbed my hand. “Okay! But…you know you have to wear a really short skirt, right? It’s kind of a uniform for the girls.” He teased, and I could tell he was being flirty.
“Well, I’m a rebel, or didn’t you know?”
We pushed through the door, hand in hand. My eyes shot to Jared, who had his forehead leaned into the wall. He turned around, and I noticed that the whites of his eyes were red. Hands tucked into the front pocket of his black hoodie, he was breathing like he’d just run a mile. Other than that, there was no emotion. He didn’t look upset or happy. Nothing.
“See ya, Jared,” Ben called out as we passed, oblivious to what had just passed between Jared and me in the classroom.
Jared didn’t reply but kept his eyes focused on me. For once, there was no anger or cruelty in his stare.
What was happening in his head?
And would I ever find out?
Chapter 19
“Tate!”
I twirled around, stunned out of my celebration, and met my grandma’s expectant stare.
Whoops. I wondered how long she’d been standing there.
I ran over to the CD player and switched off AFI’s Miss Murder. “Sorry. Just getting my groove on.” I smiled sheepishly. After a practice where I could’ve run at least another hour, I returned home with energy to spare. A weight had lifted off of me, and I felt like celebrating.
I’d decided to shelve my homework—since nothing was due this week, anyway—and forge a whole in my carpet with some horrendous dance moves.
“Well, you left your phone downstairs. K.C. called.” She tossed me my cell, which I caught. “And it’s almost seven. Are you ready to go eat?” Grandma waved her hand towards the door.
“Absolutely.” I grabbed my black cardigan and black Chucks. I’d changed into jeans and a t-shirt after I’d come home to clean up following practice. Since Jared’s locker room intrusion, I’d opted to shower at home.
“I’ll be down in a minute. I want to call K.C. back.”
Grandma nodded and walked out.
The idea of apologizing to K.C. caused my stomach to roll. She was dating a guy that treated me badly, and it hurt that she could turn a blind eye to that. But, I also realized the she and Jared were using each other. In time, probably sooner rather than later, this fling of theirs would be over. As long as she wasn’t teaming up with him to treat me like shit, then I’d decided not to give him what he wanted.
“Hey,” I greeted K.C. timidly when she picked up.
“Hey.” Her voice sounded curt.
I took a deep breath and let out a sigh. “So, I hope I can cash in a Get Out of Jail Free card. I’m sorry I said what I said today.”
She was silent for few moments as I nervously drifted around my room.
“You acted like a dick,” she mumbled.
I almost laughed. Well, she was talking to me at least.
“I know. He has nothing to do with me anymore. If he’s what you want, then I can grow up and get over it.”
“Apology accepted.” I could hear the smile in her voice.
“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’m off to dinner with Grandma.” I could hear her mother calling her in the background anyway.
“Have fun. And I love you, Tate,” she said sweetly.
“Love ya, too. Later.”
We hung up, and I already felt better. Thank goodness that was done. Now, if I was lucky, I’d only have to endure minimal meetings with Jared. If I was really unlucky, though, he’d make all of K.C.’s and my outings into threesomes.
I also still felt like slapping my friend a little. But, at least, I’d let go of my bitterness about Jared. If she wanted to rebound with him, then that was on her. I was tired of making a problem where there wasn’t one, and to save myself some stress, I decided to mind my own business. She knew how I felt, and I knew she wouldn’t betray my trust. That’s all I needed.
I practically danced down the stairs, feeling like the hippo that’d been sitting on my chest decided to finally move on.
“Well, you seem like you’re in a good mood.” Grandma’s eyes followed my movements. “School was good today?”
“Yeah, actually. It was great.” Leting Jared know how much I’d been hurt by him let the frustration out. I no longer felt buried under his actions and my struggle to maintain a fa?§ade.
“Good. What are you in the mood for? Judging from your jeans, I guess O’Shea’s is out.” Her flat tone showed disappointment. O’Shea’s was her favorite restaurant in our less than diverse town.
“How about Mario’s?” I asked as I sat down to tie my shoes. I loved their pasta with basil and olive oil. The old couple that ran the restaurant was sweet and inviting, and my parents went on their first date there.
“Sure. Sounds good.” She grabbed her purse, and I snatched her keys. I always had to drive unless the situation didn’t allow it. Everywhere felt like forever to get to unless I was in control of the vehicle. Luckily, the adults in my life were indulgent.
As she stopped to fluff her hair and button her blazer in front of the mirror by the door, I slipped my arms through my cardigan and hooked my purse strap over my head.
“Gram? While we’re out, do you mind if we circle some lots, so I can check out some cars after dinner?” Finding a car hadn’t been on my mind in weeks, but the idea spilled out of my mouth like it had been on the tip of my tongue all day.
I couldn’t pretend that I needed the car to get around. After all, I had my dad’s Bronco. The control I’d asserted today was like slipping into new skin. Everything felt warm, delicious, and possible. Getting a car of my own was another dose of control, straight to the vein.
Grandma narrowed her blue eyes at me through the mirror. “Does your dad know you want to get a car?”
“Yeah, but I’m just looking right now, anyway.”
“You won’t want a car in New York City, honey,” she asserted, turning around to open the door.
“Is it okay if we just look? After all, I might still like a car when I come home for vacations.” I followed her out.
Turning to lock up the house, she nodded. “Sure, I don’t see any harm in looking.”